worrisome behaviour

[Anna]

Yesterday I was babysitting my grandchildren & we were playing & tickling when my gs hit my gd in the face, on purpose.  I told him he was not allowed to hit & gave him a time out, he then started crying & hitting himself on the head & saying " I don't like myself" over & over while continuing to hit himself.  I then told him that hitting himself was not acceptable either & asked him what was troubling him.  He just cried more & said he didn't like himself.  I wrapped my arms around him till he was all cried out, & then started another activity.   This is so troubling to me.  Does anyone know what might be going on?  Any advice on what to do if he does this again?    Anna.

[luise.volta]

I wonder if he has seen and heard his mom do that?

[1Glitterati]

My youngest has hit himself when very frustrated.  He's also done it when I've told him no a time or two.  It was a phase (thank goodness short) that he went through for a couple months when he was around 4.

I'd be way more worried about the "I don't like myself" than the actual hitting himself. 

Are you going to let his parents know?

[Scoop]

Oh, it's SO HARD to be little!  You have all these impulses and you get so frustrated and you KNOW the right thing to do, but it's SO HARD.

I think it's a phase too.  My DD does something similar, if I correct her for something, and usually it's the smaller things that she SHOULD know better, she'll just fall apart and say "I'm going to call myself Bad Girl from now on, because I AM a Bad Girl! WAH!"  Now, you should know that we've NEVER ever called her a bad girl.  But, now that I think about it, we do place an emphasis on how much of a good girl she is (because she truly is Good).

Anna, I think you did the exact right thing, I think the only thing I might have changed would have been to emphasize that he's not allowed to hit his sister, because we don't hit people and especially not people we love and then I would have emphasized that he's not allowed to hit himself either, because he's someone we love too.  But you were right, right at that time, he needed cuddles and loving more than discipline.

I do think this might be something to bring up to DS and DIL, as an FYI - I thought you should know type of thing.

Keep up the good work Anna!

[cremebrulee]

I to, think you did the right thing, and agree that it's a phase....hang in there

Hugs
Creme

[Anna]

Hi ladies & thanx for your responses.  It bothered me the most to hear gs say he doesn't like himself.  He is such a wonderful, amazing little boy.  I did make it clear to gs that we don't hit, & especially we don't hit the people we love.  It is so hard to know what to do in the moment, & I always want to make sure I do the best thing for my gc.  Thanx for caring.   (((((hugs)))))      Anna.

[Pen]

Anna, you're wise to keep watching this behavior, but for now I agree that you shouldn't make too big a deal over it in front of GS. If he says it again, perhaps you could say something like, "Hey, be nice to someone I love," or "Well, I like you a lot, but I guess I'm just a silly grandma," or something else to let him know he's loved & his behavior is noticed, while keeping it on the light side so it isn't yet one more thing for him to feel bad about.

I know self-esteem has gotten a lot of ribbing in the last few years, but as a child who grew up with very little of it I think it's important. Some of us have highly sensitive "shame" centers; I can still burn with embarrassment over events that happened 50 years ago, whether I was rightly or wrongly accused. Some kids (my sibs) are a bit less hard on themselves, lucky for them.

[Anna]

Pen, I think I will keep it light & make sure he knows how much he is loved.  Dil treats gs & gd differently, like if gd doesn't eat  she's not feeling well, but if gs doesn't eat he is being bad & dil yells at him.  My gs & gd notice the different treatment for sure.  Gd will go over to her mother & say I don't feel well & smile at me over her mother's shoulder.  She is only 3 1/2, but in this respect she knows exactly how to get around her mother.  I think, sometimes that gs resents gd cause she seems to never do wrong in his mothers eyes.  It must be so hard for him to get yelled at for something his sister doesn't.  I think that's part of the reason that gs hits his sister.  Sometimes it feels like dil doesn't like her son much at all!!   

[Pen]

He's lucky to have you...just be careful about a backlash from DIL if she suspects you're "favoring" him. Best wishes to you, Anna.

[Anna]

Ya Pen, I know what you mean, & I am very careful, I don't favour him, or her.  I treat them both the same.  If one gets a time out for something the other gets it too if they do the same thing.  I try to keep it as even as possible.  Funny thing too, my gc are really well behaved, for the most part, when they are with us.  Sure they have their moments but they are few.  I love them both so much I don't want to see either one of them hurt or favoured.  They are such terrific children!!       Anna.

[cremebrulee]

Anna, how are things going?

[Anna]

Hi Creme.  Everything is fine & gs hasn't repeated the behaviour.  Hope he never does.  Thanx for caring Creme, you have a wonderful heart.    (((((hugs)))))    Anna