Hello ladies,
I’ve been away for a little while but would like to get your input on my situation.
My DIL doesn't like me, we had a confrontation a few years ago and I said some mean things to her and she’s still holding a grutch. We have a soon to be 2 yr. old GD and she doesn’t trust me with her, according to DS she’s afraid if the baby does something to upset me I’ll say something mean to her also. In spite of this we have been asked to babysit on occasion for the past few months.
Our GD enjoys spending time with us, she’s gotten very close to my DH but because DIL finds something wrong with everything I say and do, we fear that at anytime she can say I did something wrong and won’t let us see the baby again, the more time we spend with our GD the more we fall in love with her so we’ve been walking on eggshells and have thought about communicating this to our DS.
Would we be making the right move or should we leave well enough alone?
Leave well enough alone, no matter what you say to your son, he's going to carry it back to your DIL which will really upset her...here's what I would do. I know, your very nervous and walking on egg shells all the time, but try and calm down...I cut off my son, DIL and Grand daughter for 3 years for the same reason, and here's what I've learned.
We freak out so badly due to fear...the fear is very real, and valid...however....your DIL is NOT a dictator, and your son, well shame on him for allowing her to treat you like this....he is the one that needs to put his foot down, he is the one that should see her behavior as unacceptable....you are allowing her to bully and victimize you both, and she's lovin it....to use a child for scare tactics is absolutely ludicrous and to me, quit unstable. You are still that child's grand parents regardless of how she feels about you...what she is doing is utterly vindictive...she's using scare tactics to control you, she probably was raised like that, and she thinks it's normal, but is not.
When she said she didn't want you to watch your GC, and your son told you that, did you ask him why he allows her to treat his parents like this? All right, you made a mistake, however, she is using that mistake as an excuse to hurt you...and that is so wrong...
If a situation like this arises again, and/or your son talks to you about a situation like that or she brings it up...tell both of them, that you are very sorry you said the things you said, however, you reached a breaking point, and your buttons were being pushed for a long time...and you exploded...it's a human behavior...one can only take so much. Ask them if they haven't ever gotten so angry they said things they didn't mean. People say things they don't mean out of anger, and why, b/c they're hurt...and you were hurt...
Then explain to her, and your son, that you would like very much for her to be a part of your family....but the past has to be forgotten...and we have to move on together. When the timing is right, you'll know it....but try and talk it out with both of them.
Then, never bring it up again....and if she tells you what to do and what not to do with the child, do what she says, no matter how ridiculous you feel she is being...
But as far as your question right now, no, I wouldn't say anything...calm down, enjoy the kids, and see what happens, but when a situation occurs again, that is when you say something to both of them....however, I wouldn't discuss it with her alone, make sure your son is there...no emails, no phone calls, face to face, that way nothing can be misconstrued....also, speak with sincerity and care...not anger....
for now, let it all alone...and try and work on your own fears...remember, she is a human being with problems...she is no more then that...yes, she dictates where her children go, however, it does sound to me, like she is allowing you to watch the child...so, enjoy her when you have her, just don't do anything that you haven't asked her if you can do first. And make up things...like when she drops the baby off, ask her if you might do this or that....make her feel like she is in charge. Don't act afraid of her, speak to her as you would speak to anyone...
these people both MIL's and DIL's alike who think it's ok to punish people by using the children, is insane...it's like parents that split up and use the children against each other...sheeesh....
My concern is with you
hugs
Creme
