Advice needed - Future daughter-in-law is allowing contact only via her

[Keys Girl]

Here's a brief update.

In the last few days I have found out that my blood pressure levels are now at elevated levels to the point where my doctor has told me there is a risk of heart attack if I attend the wedding, reception and usual hoopla.  My father died of a heart attack at 67 and that gives me a predisposition to heart disease.  I've been fighting high blood pressure for 5 years but this is the worst it has ever been.  I suspect the past year of cruel hostilities has taken it's toll on me in ways that I didn't expect.

My doctor has advised me that I should only attend the wedding vows and leave immediately.  While there is a chance of a heart attack, it is more likely that an aneurism or angina type crisis could occur if I went to everything.

I'll be taking her advice and at this point in time, I don't care if anyone on the planet is bothered by it.  Her advice included that phrase "Stay away from anyone who upsets/angers you".  I'll be taking this advice and take any measures I have to in order to protect my health and extend my life expectancy.

I have yet to tell my son and future DIL, about this.  it's a bit of a shock to realize that I believe this past year's emotional warfare has had an effect on my health that I hadn't expected.

My doctor's orders have taken a lot of the stress off my shoulders that I was feeling over the impending nuptials but if my son and future DIL's plan over the last year was to cause me grief and pain, they accomplished their goal.  If I'm not at the wedding reception watching them during their first dance, it's because their efforts to try to push me around led to some unexpected consequences.

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.  John E. Southard

[luise.volta]

Stress is a killer. Take care of yourself and to heck with them!!! Sending love...

[Barbie]

Keys Girl, I'm sorry you're going through this. Please take care of yourself.

[Pen]

Yes, KeysGirl, please take care.

[Keys Girl]

Thanks for the good wishes, I'll be erring on the side of caution, and having minimal contact with the "kids" going forward.

[cremebrulee]

Keys, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but thankful you went to the doctors....your most certainly going to have to listen....
I'm worried about you telling them, what will you do if they get upset?

wouldn't it be better to have someone else tell them?  And tell them everything that the doctor has said?  I really think you should consider not getting involved at all....and coming from someone else, might also, let them know, the seriousness of your condition....so that they are warned to not act out or confrontational

Love to you
Creme

[barelythere]

I agree with Creme, Keys Girl.  Look after your need only in this situation. The toll this has taken is really bad.  It always is. 

[Keys Girl]

To Creme and Barely there, I've sent my son an email and told him I would telephone him in about 6 weeks.

At this point in time, I expect that my future DIL won't believe that my heart issues are something to worry about, that I'm likely doing this for "attention" and to "get out of " attending their wedding.  I don't care what she thinks anymore.  I'm taking of myself and that's all there is to it.  I don't have any plans to spend much time with them on the phone or in person for the next year, I'm going to spend a year recuperating from last year's hostilities and just have plans to take care of myself and it's my way or the highway as the old saying goes.

There are probably many women whose health (emotional as well as physical) has been affected negatively by these hostile, rebellious and aggressive inlaws or future inlaws.

Good luck on anyone trying to push me around again, you would have better luck in raising the Titanic in one piece and thanks for the notes from the women here, it's really a comfort.

[cremebrulee]

To Creme and Barely there, I've sent my son an email and told him I would telephone him in about 6 weeks.

At this point in time, I expect that my future DIL won't believe that my heart issues are something to worry about, that I'm likely doing this for "attention" and to "get out of " attending their wedding.  I don't care what she thinks anymore.  I'm taking of myself and that's all there is to it.  I don't have any plans to spend much time with them on the phone or in person for the next year, I'm going to spend a year recuperating from last year's hostilities and just have plans to take care of myself and it's my way or the highway as the old saying goes.

There are probably many women whose health (emotional as well as physical) has been affected negatively by these hostile, rebellious and aggressive inlaws or future inlaws.

Good luck on anyone trying to push me around again, you would have better luck in raising the Titanic in one piece and thanks for the notes from the women here, it's really a comfort.

Keys, you did the right thing, and very elegantly to, we can't control the thoughts of others....so, who cares what she thinks at this point, right?

Lady, what  your doing takes strength, and is the absolute best thing to do for you...

just know, it's YOUR life and no one else's....and sometimes we've got to make some unpopular decissions to survive....

I truly hope you go forward living life to the fullest....laughing all the way....belly laughs, surround yourself with positivity, and love.

big hugs....
creme

[barelythere]

KeysGirl...of course you know you made the right decision.  It is going to be hard because you're right, this will make them think you're using this for "show".  PFFFFFT!! Big screaming deal!  They don't know and what they don't know is just fine.  You are taking care of you this time and good for you.  All of us are learning that we count in this play we're all in.  We are the stars in them.  I'm so glad you're not going.

[Keys Girl]

Thanks everyone, I'm going to move forward and add as much laughter, joy and good deeds to my life and anyone in it.  I don't find this anywhere near as difficult as I have found the last year to be so heartbreakingly (who knew?) painful.  I'm not the object of cruelty anymore on the part of people that I hold dear.  I am the object of protecting and extending my life expectancy. My doctor made it clear "It is your life and your health".  I'm putting on my "big girl panties and I'll deal with it".

If anyone wants to be included in my life, they will have to pass the audition, (I hold them every week) because I know that I will suffer the consequences (pun intended) if they wish to have their agenda of hostility or any other negative emotion take pride of place over my agenda of generosity of spirit, laughing and making others laugh all the way.  No exceptions for nobaaaaaaady.

[Julia]

reading your posts key girl has been rather sad.  The saddest outcome in all this is your health having suffered throughout all the trauma  and nastiness that has surrounded you the past year.    Hooray to your last post today, it's inspiring to us all....it sounds as though you are committed to keep on this track of awareness for yourself....stick to your resolve....if you hit a hurdle come back here and many WW can offer you advice...

[Keys Girl]

I suppose I should have expected this........but I really didn't.

I received a long and tiresome email today from my son's fiancee, which goes on to tell me that my son is not dealing well with the news that my health isn't the best, I'm not going to their wedding (not entirely correct, I am going to the vows) and he isn't welcome to contact me until I contact him in about 6 weeks.

Eventually after paragraph after paragraph of guilt inducing prose she tells me (as usual) that since their wedding is year away that I should do everything in my power to be there because my son perceives this news to be a sign that I disapprove of their union and since I'm so loved and adored by them both, this is causing them some stress.

I am so angry right now that she would do this that I'm tempted to go talk to the police about this.  I can see that keeping her(them) out of my life is going to be somewhat more difficult but not impossible than I thought.........

The line in the letter that angers me the most is "Do whatever you can to get to the wedding otherwise you will miss much".......I'm counting on missing much, like a trip to a hospital in a white truck with flashing red lights.

At this point in time I'm not going to reply to the letter, it's just the usual "I speak for your son, so I'm telling you what you need to do".  I will however block her from my email program and check my phone before I answer it.  I was just starting to settle into some peace and quiet and never, ever expected her to do this.   She's a nasty piece of work, but she's not going to push me around.  I feel sorry for my son, he's really in deep weeds in the cesspool of brides but the ring is expected to be on his finger, not through my nose and she's about as difficult to get away from as a hoard of locusts.

I'm so grateful that the WW are here to vent to, it's a comfort.

[luise.volta]

Good for you for blocking her email address and not answering the phone. No way are you going to enable her! This is the time for you to heal and get on with your life. You deserve so much better! Sending love...

[barelythere]

KeysGirl, I can imagine how you're feeling right now and I am happy that you are being proactive in taking care of yourself.  I know it's not easy but you are strong.