Hi Creme - I thank you first for disecting my post. You pointed out "implied" messages that I didn't realize I had...erm, implied.
This one I believe is the best for discussion...confronting mil...and if your trying to confront her in a way, that won't get your husband upset, and that is your only concern, then you are not really concerned with resolving a problem with her...only concerned for your own well being in your relationship...which is ok, however, it's not the way one should look at this type of problem...and I disagree that it's your husband's problem...its a problem that involves three people, including you...this is 2010, and realistically, it should be discussed with all 3 present...not a confrontation, but a sincere discussion as to how each one should take ownership and change the relationship to a positive one...
I guess I didn't post how many times we had, as a couple, tried to sit down with and talk with her. We invited her into our home to talk (she immediately got defensive and sarcastic and accused us of "ganging up" on her, it didn't turn out well), we invited her to phone counseling with a family therapist (she "couldn't take the call, she was on the phone with a friend who was having a crisis....TWICE), on a weekend she was down visiting friends nearby, we invited her to counseling with our pastor (she told us "going to church doesn't make you any more of a christian than standing in your garage makes you a car," her words, not mine). She's told us on several occasions that she's the one who's hurt, and we're going to have to come to her to beg her forgiveness. She stands by "honor thy father and mother" as if it's the only and final verse in the Bible, and continuously throws it at us. She's cursed us, screamed at us, and thrown our own things at us in our own home. We can't figure out why she doesn't want to fix this, but we accept that we tried all we could, and now we have discarded that poison from our life and moved on without her.
In this statement...I can feel your pain and anger and the damage your mil has caused, but please remember, not all MIL's are like this...I honestly have a girlfriend, no 2 girlfriends who have and had a DIL and DIL's that are so close to her....the DIL's sometimes actually have this thing going between them, where each of them say, they are her favorite...it's kind of interesting to me, but they love her as much as they're mothers. Also, my other girlfriends DIL was like this....so, there are many good stories out there, however, the ones who have good relationships with they're inlaws are not on the internet looking for support....but there are wonderful stories out there and many more then not...
I agree, not all MIL's are like mine (thank goodness!!!!). To be honest, this is my 2nd marriage. My first marriage occured when I was VERY young (18), and quickly ended in divorce (though we remained great friends). However, my xMIL....WONDERFUL lady! Still now, even 11 years after her son and I divorced, I still hear from her. She still tells me she loves me and misses me. I've even confided in her about my current MIL, asking for her point of view from a mother's standpoint. Through two marriages and 8 years of dating in the middle, I've never had this problem. I've always been accepted. I've always loved the mothers, even adored some of them! Now, if I could only trade in my current MIL for my previous one, without changing hubbys....LOL. That's just not how it works.
