Nursing Home Woes

[BellaTerra66]

  Luise, please try to get some sleep tonight.  Love, hugs, & prayers,

Bella

[BellaTerra66]

Luise does not appear to be around today.  Does anyone know how she and/or Val is?  Thanks.

[Sassy]

Luise we're thinking of you today.

Lots of love to you and Val.

Bella - I think her son Kirk is in town?

[BellaTerra66]

Thanks, Sassy -- I'm just a little concerned right now, that's all.  Even with Val not doing well, she's always been here.  I sure hope that her absence has to do with her son arriving.

Bless you

Bella

[elsieshaye]

Luise, just sending you warm thoughts and love.

[luise.volta]

Thank you for your concern. I will open a new thread about my experience of being a burned out care giver. I have written about it here and there but those recently new may not have followed this path I have been on. Sending love...

[BellaTerra66]

Take your time, Luise.  Take all the time you need.  (We'll still be here.   )

[Postscript]

Luise I think it's very hard on you, nobody, no matter how well rated the nursing home, is going to take care of Val with the same care and attention as you did.  It's not because they are bad or uncaring, it's because they are not you.  At least that is how I see it.  It's a similar situation to nobody else can take care of your child like you can, at my stage in life it's the only experience I can liken it to.             

[luise.volta]

I think you are right. I look at my "list" and none of the things on it that drive me nuts are anything Val is aware of or hurt by. Thanks for the insight.

Today he started showing signs of a cold. That's how I lost my dad. He was in his late 90s and in a nursing home, and like Val, my dad had a directive for no antibiotics. It went into pneumonia and he was gone.

I know Val wants to leave. It's just hard no matter how you look at it. At the same time, it's normal. He's had a long, full and wonderful life.

[Postscript]

I have to admit, a cold is what got my grandfather too, although he was considerably younger, he had a heart condition   I don't know what to say without sounding trite.  We are never ready for anyone to leave us, even if we have a diagnosis and think we've had time to prepare.  I guess what I am saying is, it's going to hurt, when it happens.  But you know that.

I guess the main thing is that Val is happy now, happy being in your company every day you are together.  I'm sure he is too

[luise.volta]

Thank you. I wonder why anything we can say about death sounds trite? And if we don't say any, that is worse.

[Postscript]

I don't know, but I do know I catch myself and think, that sounds like a platitude, a trite, silly, platitude.  I guess when it comes to death, there are only so many ways to say it?

I do know that what you are going through, to put it baldly, sucks and while I know that nothing I say can make it easier, I do hope that knowing we are all here and that we do care, helps

[luise.volta]

Experiencing that caring makes all the difference. It really does.

[Smiles2U]

Ms. Luise, I'm new to your board and I'd like to say I love it already with all I've read. I just want to express to you how sorry I am for this hard time you are having in your life right now with Val. I worked in a Nursing Home for a few years and as much as I hate to admit it things aren't always as they seem. For instance. I would notice that the patients who had family that would show up anytime (We didn't know when to expect them?) Would always get took care of first so that if family did show up they would look good and be took care of. My advice to anyone in a nursing home, is to always show up at different times when you visit and go as often as  you can. Then the staff knows you are going to be there but they aren't sure when so they will make sure he is took care of first. I hope things get better soon. God Bless you and your family. You seem like a wonderful and strong woman!

[luise.volta]

Welcome Smiles! I'm sure you're right. We have a saying here that every nursing home resident needs an advocate.

Since this is a large retirement center with the nursing facility as part of it...people are coming a going a lot and I'm sure that helps. Also many independent residents volunteer to visit those in nursing. You see everyone you know there.

I am trying to sort out what is a problem and what is not. We have a care giver's support group here, too, where we can talk about that and we get a response back from staff. It's probably the best possible as nursing facilities go but home is so much better!

Thank you for your kind words about our Website. We do love it here and we plainly love each other.