Byrdg605 - It sounds like your intentions are good, but I agree that "telling her off" is making the situation far worse. At least it would if I were your DIL. There's certainly some kind of underlying issue she has with you, maybe you meant it, maybe you didn't. Maybe you didn't even know you did it, but there has to be something. Now that you're "not holding back" she certainly has cause to have issue with you. And I adopted a rule long before my own daughter was born..."If you can't be civil to mommy, you can't have access to her children." Accept that. As long as you have open, verbal issue with her, she has no reason to even want to share her children with you. Pushing and pushing and pushing will only get you pushed OUT, so be careful what you say to DIL.
I just wish my son could open his eyes and see what is going on around him.
Be careful with this one dear. Its very easy to want your son to "opne his eyes" to see things the way YOU do, but it sounds like his eyes are wide open. He's well aware of what's going on....regarding the FACTS anyway. Emotions are so one-sided. Don't expect him to understand how this is hurting YOU, he never will.
If you want to correct the situation, I think first you will need to learn how to hold your tongue. I'm not telling you to take a tongue-lashing from DIL or DS, but learn to pick your battles wisely. Snarky comments and accusations are designed only to harm, they serve no positive purpose.
Stilltrying2010 brings up a very valid point. Any reasonable mother would want all of her children to be treated the same, no matter what their bloodlines are. Whether or not she treats them the same is only seen through a very limited observation, obviously, since you don't see them often. You can't take what you evaluate once or twice and form an everyday assumption.
So here's a thought: for whatever reason, she doesn't want you alone with them. What if you went to visit THEM, at their home, under her supervision? If she has the chance to evaluate you a few times, maybe she would change her mind? It's possible I guess. Sad that you would need to do that to show her, but it may be a test you have to pass with her.
I think the biggest struggle betwen MILs and DILs is learning how to love the same man in different ways, accepting different roles in his life, and not overstepping the boundaries of the others' roles. I've seen so many MILs write on here and I've gathered that its just as hard for the MIL to accept that her son loves another woman just as much as he does his mother, as it is for the DIL to accept that the MIL should have a steady SUPPORTIVE (not controlling) role in his life as well. I also think we're all "battier" than what we're willing to share about ourselves with complete strangers.
I don't know, sometimes I'm full of really useless ideas and hot air....but I do hope you find a peaceful resolution. It is sad to watch a grandmother who is deserving of that role be denied it, while so many grandmothers really aren't deserving of that role, but think it's their "right" because their child reproduced.
