My Story

[MLW07]

Hey ladies,

My DH and I found out a couple of weeks ago that we are expecting.  We are very excited and want the pregnancy to be drama free.  I have a dilemma, we do not know whether to tell DH's parents or not.  We cutoff DH's entire family almost two years ago and the drama free life has been great.  My DH and most of his family work at a rather large company in a small town.  News travels fast around the workplace.  My dilemma is I think it is mean for my DH and I not to tell his parents when we both know that MIL will be told about the pregnancy by a coworker.  I think it would be totally mean for some one to go up to MIL and say congratulations and for her to be blindsided.  Am I wrong?  I gave you all the basic background to my story, but it by no means touches all of the wrong that has been done to my DH and I. 

DH and I both have decided that if we tell them, it will not change a thing.  If they want to have a relationship it will be on our terms and it will be their last shot as they have been given tons of second chances.

What would you WW do?

[miss_priss]

Congrats to YOU!!!!!  What an awesome announcement!

If they cut you off, then that means they don't care about your lives, your relationship, or any spin-off of that relationship, ie kids.  The fact that you are still concerned with her feelings shows that you want to keep that door somewhat open.  Follow your heart, but it sounds like if you tell them your drama-free life will be anything but.

[stilltryen]

If I were you, I'd send them a nice note in the mail.  That way you can let them know, but you don't have to actually see them in person or have to listen to them on the phone.  If they start anything up, just say, "It's our baby, our terms."  Set some clear, concise boundaries and don't waver from them.  If they want to know their grandchild, then they have to act in the manner that you've set up.  Otherwise, forget it.  These folks don't seem like they want to do anything but demand you cater to them.  Enough.

And big congratulations!!  That's very exciting for the two of you.

[Pooh]

Congrats MLW!  That's so exciting.  I think you are right on track.  You are such a caring person that it is not in you to just be "purposefully" cruel.   I think you should do exactly what you were thinking.  Tell them but set the boundaries.

[cremebrulee]

Hey ladies,

My DH and I found out a couple of weeks ago that we are expecting.  We are very excited and want the pregnancy to be drama free.  I have a dilemma, we do not know whether to tell DH's parents or not.  We cutoff DH's entire family almost two years ago and the drama free life has been great.  My DH and most of his family work at a rather large company in a small town.  News travels fast around the workplace.  My dilemma is I think it is mean for my DH and I not to tell his parents when we both know that MIL will be told about the pregnancy by a coworker.  I think it would be totally mean for some one to go up to MIL and say congratulations and for her to be blindsided.  Am I wrong?  I gave you all the basic background to my story, but it by no means touches all of the wrong that has been done to my DH and I. 

DH and I both have decided that if we tell them, it will not change a thing.  If they want to have a relationship it will be on our terms and it will be their last shot as they have been given tons of second chances.

What would you WW do?

Well, congratulations!!!!  How exciting....

I understand your concern....and realize what you must be thinking...your kind of caught between a rock and a hard place.

Here is my suggestion....you cut them off, yet, I can empathize with your feelings....for now, if it were me, I'd have hubby sit down and write them a letter telling them about the baby, but re instating, how you feel, that you wish to not change things, otherwise, if you contact them without telling them this, they are going to think this baby is going to change things for them and be right back in your lives....

however, how long has it been that you have cut them off, is it possible that they may have changed some and realized boundaries....perhaps you and hubby could consider having some kind of relationship with them in the future?

I'm sorry, I do forget your background....

anyway, I'm wishing you the best, whatever you decide....but I feel yes, she need not be blindsided by getting the information from someone else second hand...
it's very nice of you to feel that way....

hugs
Creme

[luise.volta]

I agree with Creme. It will be taken as an open door unless you handle it otherwise. Sending contrats and love...

[MLW07]

Thank you all for you wise thoughts.  I think you all maybe right and that we should tread very carefully.  I will talk with my DH and see how he wants to proceed.  I will keep you all updated.

Thanks again!