Letting Go

[Pooh]

Letting Go

My heart was whole and full,
The day they laid you in my arms,
Small, tiny fingers and toes,
Flailing in the air with a frustrating wail,
Saying, “I’m here after so much waiting.”
My life to never be the same,
I now had a love that I had never known,
One I would never let go.

You are three and on the playground,
I am watching like a heron that is starved,
Never letting you out of my sight,
A small boy catches your eye,
And you dance his way, wanting to play,
Bouncing under the swings, away from me.
I started to rise, but sit back down,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are five and your small hand is in mine,
Walking down a long corridor,
Is that fear or excitement in your small breaths?
I reassure you as we reach the door,
You kiss my cheek and run towards the kids,
I leave quietly as tears run down my face,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 16 and driving us home,
All smiles, as I clench the door handle,
Trying not to let you know I am nervous.
You have passed your test, the world is yours,
No more, “Mom, can you take me there?”
You pull in the drive and let me out,
Going to show your friends, I watch you leave,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 18 and I am zipping your gown,
Your hat is crooked and the tassel is long.
The golden cloth around your neck,
Your symbol for always doing well,
I am already crying, you are so grown,
A new chapter of your life, ready to commence.
I hug you tightly, then watch you walk across the field,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 20 and oh so young.
So handsome, your dark tux, your dark hair,
Straightening your tie and pinning your rose,
Uncertain that you are ready,
But no longer my decision to make,
I kiss you lightly on the cheek and smile,
Placing your hand gently with your brides,
Knowing I had to let you go.

I do not know you anymore,
Now you are flailing without me there.
I am merely a part of your past,
Heartbroken, but mine alone to heal,
A new chapter in my life, ready to commence.
I have let you go your entire life,
But this one will be the last.
I have to let you go.

[barelythere]

Letting Go

My heart was whole and full,
The day they laid you in my arms,
Small, tiny fingers and toes,
Flailing in the air with a frustrating wail,
Saying, “I’m here after so much waiting.”
My life to never be the same,
I now had a love that I had never known,
One I would never let go.

You are three and on the playground,
I am watching like a heron that is starved,
Never letting you out of my sight,
A small boy catches your eye,
And you dance his way, wanting to play,
Bouncing under the swings, away from me.
I started to rise, but sit back down,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are five and your small hand is in mine,
Walking down a long corridor,
Is that fear or excitement in your small breaths?
I reassure you as we reach the door,
You kiss my cheek and run towards the kids,
I leave quietly as tears run down my face,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 16 and driving us home,
All smiles, as I clench the door handle,
Trying not to let you know I am nervous.
You have passed your test, the world is yours,
No more, “Mom, can you take me there?”
You pull in the drive and let me out,
Going to show your friends, I watch you leave,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 18 and I am zipping your gown,
Your hat is crooked and the tassel is long.
The golden cloth around your neck,
Your symbol for always doing well,
I am already crying, you are so grown,
A new chapter of your life, ready to commence.
I hug you tightly, then watch you walk across the field,
Knowing I had to let you go.

You are 20 and oh so young.
So handsome, your dark tux, your dark hair,
Straightening your tie and pinning your rose,
Uncertain that you are ready,
But no longer my decision to make,
I kiss you lightly on the cheek and smile,
Placing your hand gently with your brides,
Knowing I had to let you go.

I do not know you anymore,
Now you are flailing without me there.
I am merely a part of your past,
Heartbroken, but mine alone to heal,
A new chapter in my life, ready to commence.
I have let you go your entire life,
But this one will be the last.
I have to let you go.

Tears are rolling down my cheeks but this is beautiful. Thank you.  I think we all expected to "let them go", just not by forced kidnapping.

[luise.volta]

And I pray for all of you that it is the last "letting go." For me, the last one was when he died of sleep apnea at age 52, ten years ago.

[Pooh]

Thank you guys.  I had a realization last night that we have always been letting go of them all their lives, just are never prepared to let them go for good.  Luise, I will not even pretend to know how hard that was for you.

[luise.volta]

Yes, that's a "letting go" that we never expect to have to face. That's my point...that those DSs are still alive!!