Hello, WW. I've missed you all so much! I have been unable to be here for a while due to being worked too death, but I am in need of some wise input and didn't know how to start a topic. When I found this thread it seemed like my answer, even though its a problem that's way past maternity wards, etc., anyway I do hope you will give me opinions because I'm very troubled about an incident that happened with my g/c and I don't know if I have been wrong about the way I responded.
I am not clear any more as to what is the role of a grandparent. When I grew up, grandparents were important. Grandmother was respected and even revered, she did not buy our affection with lavish gifts and money. My grandmothers were strong and dependable and kind and wise. We went to their house, they weren't expected to drive to ours. When we visited, we entertained ourselves and left feeling like it was so great to go to Grandma's. We knew if we ever back talked Grandma (which we never did) that we'd sure get it when we got home. I loved my grandmothers and they were such a special part of my life. I deeply respected them, and learned so many of my values from my grandmothers. I wanted to be a wonderful Grandma, I have always thought that I was, and it has been the one thing in my life I have felt I did well. I've worked very hard at it and given a lot. But now I'm not sure at all.
The incident seems silly to write about. It isn't an isolated incident. Its actually happened a couple of other times, that I make special arrangements with the g/sons in advance to drive over and take them for an outing, and when I get to their house I wait and wait outside, and they never come out of the house. This is what happened again. I later found out they were still sleeping. It was 10:00 a.m. My g/s are 14 and 18, they aren't little kids. I have always just given hugs and said not to worry, we'll do it again another time. This time I told them that I was ashamed of them, and that they needed to learn good manners. I told them that if my Grandmother and planned her day (which I did) to take me someplace special, that I would have been watching at the door for her!
No one is speaking to me now, DD doesn't take my calls and I'm sure she's mad about my saying this to the boys. Maybe I've overstepped a boundary. Maybe I was wrong to say anything to the g/sons, I don't know. I just don't have any history to go on to figure this out, as it would never have happened with my grandmothers growing up. I believe my issue is really more with DD for not teaching responsibility and just plain good manners to the boys. I'm not sure if I should apologize to her for interfering with her authority. Now I also don't even know if I should address it in the future with her (when she finally decides to talk to me again).
Reading over this, it sounds really stupid, still I'm going to post it because I'm just so distressed over it that I need some feedback and I need to get back on track. Things just seem fundamentally wrong to me, that's all.