Dearest stilltrying2010,
I just want to share with you what I witnessed my sis go through.....(I don't share the same issues you do because my inlaws live in our town and have no interest spending even 1 night....yay!...even though we do have little get togethers which we all enjoy).
OK, so my 48 yr old brother-in-law just passed away of brain cancer (and we miss him so very much). I'm going to get right to the point of your post though: My sister's IL's have come to her small home over the time (they live in another state) my BIL was ill. My sis found herself not only exhausted because she was her DH's sole caregiver during all of this, but expected to be the hostess to them while they visited. She took care of her ill DH (a completely physically and emotionally draining job), then cooked, cleaned and did their laundry while they were here! She finally said, "no more". The inlaws would even offer to bring over dinner from Kentucky Fried Chicken, then show up without it. Her DH's siblings also would come from out of town and steal from them during his time of dying. She put a halt to that garbage too and let them know they were no longer allowed in their home....and even though her IL's knew the situation, it still made bad feelings toward her as they tolerated this from their AC. Moving on.......during the final days of my BIL dying, the IL's came again and this time though, my sis informed them they were welcome to "visit" but not to sleep over (until that final day of course) and they would have to find lodging elsewhere as she was exhausted and deserved her rest and to have round-the-clock visitors was simply "too much". She told the IL's she wanted them to visit, but would prefer that they not stay all day every day due to the exhaustion she and DH had. She informed them she would not be cooking or doing anyone's laundry. The MIL would say to her she would let her rest while they visited but since the house was small and the spare bedroom was a storage spot, my sis was sleeping on the couch during that last time frame. Sometimes during their long day visits , sis would even close her eyes in an attempt to rest while her DH rested (kind of like you sleep when a baby sleeps cuz that's how you get your rest and they don't have a normal sleep pattern), but her MIL would sit there and keep talking to her even though her eyes were closed!.....she even had to tell them it was time to leave one night but that they could come back another time. If my sis didn't insist on taking care of herself and her DH, they would have stolen not only her physical health, but her mental health as you can imagine she was stressed to the maximum. It was a very sad situation but sometimes one just has to take control of what they will tolerate or get walked all over.
If your inlaws do not have $ for a motel after a few days at your home, then I guess it's time to shorten the visit. If they want to be there for Easter, then maybe they should come closer to Easter and not 2 weeks ahead, unless they have other lodging arrangements.
My DH and I went to another state for a wedding....we stayed in a motel even though DH's uncle and aunt insisted we stay at their home. We made the arrangements ahead of time and we did actually go visit them for a few hours after the wedding and before the reception. Man was I glad we made motel arrangements because the uncle's home was full of a beautiful clock collection , including ones that ringed and dinged on the hour all through the house and cuckoo clocks as well......I think I would have had to either shoot myself in that house of clocks or poke myself in the eye! How those folks slept in their own home is a mystery to me with all that noise on the hour 24/7. Plus, I would have felt like I was intruding and it's just nice to have the privacy after a long all day visit for a little R & R.
My grandmother (God rest her soul) used to tell me if there's one thing she's learned over the years is that if you don't want to do something someone wants you to do, then don't. She told me when I was young that "you will be the one that is miserable and it isn't worth it." Wise words from a wise woman!
Sometimes we need to say "no" for our mental health more than we need to let others come and walk all over us for their own benefit. (stress is bad for the physical health too!)
Take care of yourself, stilltrying.....it's best to just gently come out and say it but mean it. Make the change! There may be hard feelings initially, but they'll get over it. You can do this!
