UPDATE ON GRANDSON THAT I GOT LAST WEEK AND SCHOOL REPORT TO CPS!

[Ruth]

You have done well, Jane.  You have inspired me also, to live with courage.  Thanks for sharing your story and stay strong.

[shorewil]

Jane F.- So sorry for your little guy ! It reminds me so much of a three yr old that I had at daycare- she growled , crawled under the table in the fetal position, never talked much- found out later in the year that the dad was sexually abusing her. She announced at Easter dinner with Mom's family, "I saw Daddy's penis!" Mom told her"No you didn't "and older sister wisely said "Oh, yes she did !" They were in the midst of divorce and I am very sorry to say that the dad would come to the DC  and tell me that he was taking her to MCD's for lunch. During the  hour, he would sodimize her and then return her to my care at school. He was the natural dad and I couldn't stop him from taking her- until the ---- hit the fan and then there was a restraining order put in place. be aware that there are play /art therapies available - sometimes the school counselor is not the right person . Watch for any "sexual behaviors "or awareness that he shouldn't know about. During my career in Early Childhood, I saw many, many cases of physical and sexual abuse- sometimes from people you would NEVER suspect . I hope that this is not the case with your GS. Godspeed.

[firelight]

Hi JaneF!

Wouldn't it be something that with the environment change for your 8 yr old GS, there would be no need for the ADHD meds.....not there's no place for them, because I know there is in some cases, but I think these sorts of meds are way overprescribed.  Maybe your GS needs them, but then again, wouldn't it be great to find out he doesn't!   

[JaneF]

Another update...ladies, it's going to be a long hard road for my grandson it appears.  We have seen new behaviors that point to abuses I don't even want to think about.  We did get the pediatician to give a referral for him to have therapy at a place that specializes in counseling just for abused children.  We had our first session yesterday after school.  He is still very afraid to tell much, so it may take lots of time to gain his trust and show him he is safe (unless my daughter snatches him back!).  We cannot get legal custody because CPS has not done anything as far as substantiate abuse or anything  .  I have to admit I am angered by that, and did tell the CPS worker and I quote "Okay, when one or both of them are very seriously hurt or dead, I'll give you a call THEN!"  I am not proud of myself for losing my temper, but I just cannot understand why they can't take his word for it, especially when the poor child ended up in a mental ward with behaviors that point to abuse and neglect...OH YEAH, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THOSE RECORDS!!!    The teacher called today and said he is doing well academically considering he has not attended school a lot this year, so that is good. We are practicing spelling and multiplcation facts a lot. The behaviors he is showing are upsetting, and makes me sad.  The teacher said he is very, very different now (she had him earlier in the year when he started third grade, and they put him back in her class since he already knew her and liked her, and she likes him as well.  He is sneaking food (he told me that he didn't get all his meals sometimes because they would sleep very late and were lazy and did not get up to feed them).  That explains the food issue! He did it at school today the teacher said. They all got a treat and he sneaked an extra and hid it in his folder and a little girl told the teacher, but she knew about the behavior as I had let counselor know. He has NEVER wet his pants either, but every day his little undergarments have a urine stain all across the entire front area...I do not mention this of course, just make sure he is clean daily.  He also shoved several small toys in his pockets and was going to bring them home from the therapy center, but the therapist saw this and did talk to him.  He denied having anything in his pockets even though she saw him do it. She had to deal with it, but did so gently, but even then denied and actually got very defiant and yelled and accused us of yelling at him. So very sad...this is not my sweet little blue eyed boy...he is an injured creature and I am angry.  Good news though, a lady my daughter knows got text messages from her offering to sell her illegal drugs and send them in the mail! Good grief.  Thankfully the lady did the right thing and talked to drug strike force. Now it remains to be seen if she follows through and commits a crime. It may be tough love, but if she chooses to do this then she faces the consequences.  I have to think though that maybe this will cause my grandsons to be removed from danger at least.  And it may save my daughters life since she is abusing drugs. I will NOT bail her out, or enable her in any way...she will have to take the punishment for her deeds. Thanks once again for allowing me to vent.  We are still taking one day at a time...we WILL be okay. Have a lovely evening ladies.  J

[BellasMomMom]

Hi Jane, I've been reading your posts & sending you prayers & love. Your story saddens & angers me. I'm listening to the news as I type this & they just removed 2 young children from a home where a mother was pulled over by the police. They took them because she left them home alone. I don't know where you live but what CPS is doing in your GS case is an OUTRAGE!! I think you need to go above this CPS worker's head. You cannot wait until something more happens. Those children need to be removed from that environment now!

Ten years ago my brother was in a horrible custody battle over his son. Although they shared custody he hadn't seen his DS in 2 years. The mother would not bring him to visits and manipulated the courts constantly. I sat down and wrote a very detailed, heartfelt letter explaining the situation and sent it to the head judge of family court. I also sent it to the governor, his wife, my senators, congressman, the district attorney, the judge in charge of the case and anyone else I thought could help. In less than a week my brother was granted an emergency hearing. He was given full custody of his DS. The mother was put in jail for contempt of court! You have more documented information than I had at the time.

You are an amazing grandmother and I applaud your courage & strength! God bless you & send you more strength to win this battle!!

[JaneF]

Bellasmommom, thank you for your kind words...but no, I am not amazing at all, just a grandmother that loves her grandchildren. I will agree sometimes I think the lack of response by CPS is an outrage, even though I know it's said they have huge case loads. When people DIE in your living room while attending and doing drugs at your party, AND the children are present...AND someone asks a CPS worker what to do report it or what, and they reply, no, cps really can't do much about that...HUH??? That is just unreal to me. Can't they figure out if a parent is stoned or "altered" they cannot take care of kids ages 1 and 5 safely??? Good grief. I have considered being a foster parent in the past, but knowing now how CPS operates, or rather FAILS to at times, I would be in trouble because I would have to say what I thought! lol There is that temper I usually keep hidden lol. Our little guy has his spring school program this next week, and he is excited to wear his Jack Sparrow pirate costume and attach the wonderful wooden sword papa made with silver foil tape to make it look lifelike!  He went downstairs after he finished it and was waving it proudly and said "I love you papa!" Brings tears to my eyes to think such a little think made him so happy. Again thanks for your kind words and support...that's why I like this web site, you girls are GREAT!  J

[BellasMomMom]

You ARE an amazing grandmom and I'm really proud of you & grandpop too! 

I'm new to this site but it is wonderful! All of the women on here are going through their own trials & tribulations, yet they take the time to reach out and help others! Many heroes here in my book!!

I'm in the midst of my own issues but I have very strong faith, and that helps me tremendously! I just heard a saying the other day that is my new motto: "Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big your God is"! Every time I say it I feel stronger!!

I'm so happy for you that you've also found this site! Hang in there Jane, it will be OK!!

Much love & peace!

[Pen]

Thinking of you all, JaneF. Heartbreak and hope in your story, for sure. I'm glad you're able to express it here.

[firelight]

JaneF,  I love Jack Sparrow!     I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see the joy that young man is feeling over an act of kindness of papa did making that wooden sword.  A long over-due smile for a young boy.  *sigh*   

[shorewil]

Dear Jane- I agree about going over  CPS's  head ! My husband and I are dealing with the VA  and we wrote to the congressman and our Senator- and got our claim awarded within two weeks. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. So sorry for you r GS Keep up with the stability and making him feel safe. Send extra  wholesome snacks to school either for the whole class "just because " or ask teacher if he can keep some in his desk. Do keepthe teacher clued in. In the last daycare I managed , we had a few homeless families and the teachers took turns providing lunches for the two little girls each day.  Sometimes just a little means awhole lot. God Bless ! Shorewil

[JaneF]

Been another rough week for all here...but one day at a time is what I am trying to stay focused on.  My grandaughter helped my little guy learn his songs for the school program, and the show was a success!    He was very proud to be sporting the Jack Sparrow costume, which included the adored sword papa made to go with it.  He was complimented by several teachers upon entering the school building!  He has another session at the childrens advocacy center on Monday.  This will be the third visit.  There are more signs present that are indicative of abuses, and my mind doesn't really want to think of the possibles there...but once again, we take it one day at a time!  I did get a call from teacher one day this week, and he had a rough day.  Oddly we have found he is taking FOOD, and hiding it!  He stated to me that when locked in the bedroom at the house with his mom and step dad, they would sleep a long time and they would miss meals.  I am assuming this might be the reason for that behavior.  My husband agrees, he feels it is like a survival thing for him.  How sad.  He has been ornery like a lot of little boys are at times, but he made his sister mad on Wednesday, and she told him she was angry at him!  lol  Gently of course, as she is such a good girl.  He had hidden her flute, and it was a day she had band!  Luckily my husband discovered it as they searched the house, it was under his recliner!  He thought this was amusing, sister did not...soooo, he lost his play time on video games for the day!  OOPS!@  Better not try that again perhaps lol.  Teacher wrote a note home today, reported he had a great day!  Academically it is a miracle that he is doing wonderful!  We have been working on spelling words, flash cards for multiplcation tables etc.  He passed both with A's once again this week.  He was student of the week, how sweet!  He had to complete a poster about himself, and include a photograph as well.  A question on the poster asked his favorite color...the wise guy said camouflage!  lol  Papa has some of that stuff around here...I said no, pick a color, he said green!  Silly.  He is at this point afraid for some reason to go to the restroom at school if there are other boys in there, typically in elementary school a class lines up and they go in groups.  He will not do so. Scares me about that.  He is wetting his pants too, which he never did before.  Not sure if I mentioned that.  Sleep problems too.  It was a lovely day outside so Papa took them outside to let them run amok!  They got some good exercise and fresh air.  I heard from my daughters new husbands second ex wife today.  Did that make sense?  She told me more scary things about the nasty calls she is getting from this guy, and she knows him well enough to have taped the messages, and she says you can tell by his speaking that he is under the influence again of too many of the pain pills.  Makes me worry about my little 3 year old still living there.  She also told me this fella began texting her the night before at 4:30 am, continued for one hour even though she refused to respond (smart move).  He sent 32 texts, she saved them all.  Oh dear.  She said the week before he had fallen in the driveway (probably due to pills again), he is only 39 years old, not elderly!  She let me know of other physical ailments occuring with him and said these same ailments occured in the past when he was really abusing the prescribed meds.  So knowing my daughter, I'd say she is doing the very same thing as far as abusing the meds.  She sent a person I know a text message trying to SELL her prescribed drugs, and said she'd MAIL them to her...the lady did report it of course...OH MY!  I have no idea what will come of that. but hopefully it will in effect cause my grandson that is there to be removed and placed somewhere safe!  LIKE HERE   .  Keep that little fella in your thought please ladies!  Have a bit of good news...I became a great aunt again yesterday!  She is a lovely, healthy beautiful little girl...her parents are so very overjoyed of course!  Thanks for letting me rattle on girls...many blessings to you all.  J

[nikncon]

Dear Jane F.If every granparent was as loving and caring as you  are to this gc the world would be a much better place.I taught kindergarten for thirty one years.Children are very resilient.With all the love and  attention that gs  is getting with school work this little guy will make it.I pray that you get the three year old soon.Keep being a caring and nurturing gm.I think papa is very special too.Good luck in the weeks to come.

[shorewil]

Jane  F. - Sounds like you and
"Papa" are doing all the right things- has anyone said or checked for sexual abuse yet ? Not wanting to be in the bathroom was very indicative of that little girl I was telling you about - she would not go into the bathroom to change into her swimsuit with anyone else present , or would barricade the door .She also starting wetting her pants . Please keep on caring for your GS and try to get the three yr old  with you  as well. Thinking about all of you and praying hard !

[JaneF]

Thank you for the much needed kindness and support.  Honestly "papa" and I are feeling like we are failing at this point, even though we are trying so very hard to do the things our little guy needs.  I really do know in my heart that somethings have been traumatic to him...however we are frustrated because the child absolutely continues to break what ever rules we set for him!  I am not sure if he is just trying to see if we will be consistent, or if he is simply being defiant...or what exactly.  Nothing horrific really, but we have to have rules or the house does not function correctly!  For instance yesterday he was allowed 3 cookies after he finished his lunch. Great, no problem.  I had explained to him LAST week about why we did NOT allow either of the children to eat more than the set amount!  They were both talked to, lost a day of tv and video game fun...simple.  Our little guy was told yesterday at the grocery store that I agree to buy another package of cookies for him, and one for his sister, but if either of them ate more than the alotted amount they would not be allowed cookies anymore.  Well......last night we had a very nice supper, but our little fella barely ate a single bite!  Duh on me...I was worried he didn't feel well or something!  So then this morning I was packing our lunch as I needed to go in to work some over time, and I took down the cookies (his package)...oh oh.  He had eaten the entire package except for 6 cookies!!!!  Her package was exactly as it should have been (lucky for her)!  lol  Needless to say once again discipline was in order for him.  So he is grounded from tv and video games AGAIN!  I had him take reading material with us today to keep busy.  We got home this afternoon, and as I am peeling potatoes for supper, and laying out clothes for school tomorrow for the children...our little guy quietly sneaked downstairs and began playing video games!!!  His sister came and told us about it, so now he has had a good talking to and is standing in a corner!  Hate to have to do that...not sure what else to do!  I will speak to his therapist tomorrow morning at the appointment.  I absolutely don't know what else to do here...I do not use physical punishment.  Our little gal is always so good, we rarely had to discipline.  And we definitley do not hit her either.  But...this little guy is giving us a run for our money!  lol  He is so cute I can't stay angry at him, but he has to learn to follow the rules or face the consequences.  Ladies...I am sitting here shaking my head because I keep thinking to myself that I have to keep doing the very best for this child, but then the little devil on my shoulder is laughing and saying I am too old to be doing this!  lol  I FEEL older than I am though, I am only in my 50's!  Keep your fingers crossed for us...we are working hard to do the best we can.  Need to remember The little Engine That Could...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....Blessing to all of you lovely ladies.  J

[lancaster lady]

Hi Jane .......keep up the discipline , it will help build a solid structure for him , not one that crumbles under pressure . He has never had a solid foundation to build his relationships on . All kids flourish on routine and reliabilty. Once he knows you are rock solid , I reckon he will settle down . Bless you Jane , youre one in a million, and hes one lucky guy to have you in his corner ..