Love to you, Jeannehiga, and to all here. One thing that has helped me besides this site, which has been a godsend, is remembering that we are growing and developing all our lives as human beings-- our development doesn't stop when we reach adulthood, there are many stages and developmental tasks ahead. One of the development tasks of middle age is to detach from our adult children, not stop loving them or caring, of course, but detach in the sense of being their mothers as we were when they were young and dependent. It's hard because we never stop being mothers, but especially when things go as they have for you and for so many of us, including me, detaching is central to our emotional survival, I think. Our adult kids will do what they do, as we did what we did. One upside for the horror of the last few years for me (some of my adult kids also blame me for all sorts of things and one of them truly seems to hate me and will have nothing to do with me) is, I finally understand my own mother (who is still alive and in good health, thank god). I realize that I was like some of my kids when I was young, not to the same degree, still, I blamed my mother too, for many things. It pains me now to face up to that and acknowledge it, but it also frees me to love my folks in a deeper way than before. Respect to you.
