DIL and her FOO interfered with my visit with DS and grandaughters

[JaneF]

Once again the lovely DIL pulled her usual control stunts.  Good thing I was actually prepared for something to occur so it was not as devastating as her and the FOO hoped!  Here is how the visit went...I went to the scheduled meeting place DS and I agreed upon.  Well he shows up, but only has the oldest grandaughter with him!  (the one that is 13 and pregnant).  There I was holding Valentines Day gifts for both girls, and they knew I had planned to also give both girls birthday gifts and shop with them a little.  He was embarrassed and felt guilty, but we really couldn't discuss much since grandaughter was right there.  He told me that he was NOT aware until he was ready to meet me that day, DIL and her sister made other arrangements and decided my younger grandaughter needed to shop with DIL's sister for her to buy her a birthday gift instead of coming with DS to meet me.  lol  Are they nice or what?  I know for a fact that the DIL's family ALWAYS hold a family birthday party for the girls (only for HER family though), so I guarantee the DIL's sister was at that party and already in fact gave her a gift.  It was just something they did to be nasty since this arrangement was made between me and my son a week ago.  Oh well, nothing I can do about it.  Son did hug me and was happy to see me and I was happy to see him too.  Grandaughter I can tell has an attitude, and said maybe 2 words to me. DS had to tell her to say thank you when I gave her all her gifts even...are you kidding me???  Was she not taught any manners at all?  She was too busy with her new MP3 player to visit.  He said maybe I can meet him next weekend to see other grandaughter?  I didn't really respond to that though because I need to take a moment to think about my response.  I think I will say this to him...when you have grandaughter with you, and there is no interference give me a call and we'll meet.  I refuse to plan again so DIL can be a witch and play her games, I won't buy into it!  lol  Then here is the real news item of this story!!!  As we parted ways after our meeting, I stopped to talk to a gal that works where my husband works.  So lo and behold who did I find sneaking behind me and had been there watching the meeting (she thought I had already left the mall apparently so she didn't see me standing where I was)...DIL'S MOTHER!!!  Good grief are these people odd or what?  I just shook my head and went about my business.  At any rate I am happy with at least seeing my son, and hugging him, so all is well.  We will see what happens next! 

[elsieshaye]

Grandaughter I can tell has an attitude, and said maybe 2 words to me. DS had to tell her to say thank you when I gave her all her gifts even...are you kidding me???  Was she not taught any manners at all?  She was too busy with her new MP3 player to visit.

Jane, she's 13 and she's pregnant, plus her mother doesn't like you.  I think your expectations of her behavior are too high at this point.  Glad you got to see your son, but I really think if you're going to be angry with anyone, the 13 year old pregnant girl shouldn't be it.

[Doe]

So lo and behold who did I find sneaking behind me and had been there watching the meeting (she thought I had already left the mall apparently so she didn't see me standing where I was)...DIL'S MOTHER!!!  Good grief are these people odd or what? 

She sounds like one of those ridiculous sit com characters!
I like your plan about the next visit.  And maybe it's time to tell that 13yo that future gifts will be in the form of diapers and college fund for grandbaby.  By her actions, she's telling you that she no longer needs gifts for herself. (whether she means to or not).

[luise.volta]

J - We will never be able to make sense of the senseless. The games that are going on around you are grade school level, IMO…or pre-school. When adults (?) play them I agree that it's best to stay out of it. Glad you saw and hugged DS, though! Sending love...

[JaneF]

Elsie I apologise if I led you to believe I was angry at my 13 year old grandaughter...that couldn't be further from the truth!  That little girl needs love and support at this point!  I only commented about what I noticed about her behavior because I have not seen or talked to her for a year and a half (long sad story!), and she sadly is very different now.  My own daughter, and the 13 year olds father (my son) both also had their first born as teenagers and of course too young...however, in my own defense I supported them and helped them all and made sure all medical needs were met for the ones I could, and I provided lots and lots of much needed items for babies as well as my son and daughter and DIL.  I never ever treated them poorly for making the choices they did.  It happened and we all dealt with it quite well considering the difficulty.  I am in fact raising one of the children STILL from one of those situations, she is now 12 years old.  Thanks for allowing me to clarify my posistion on this issue...I feel very sad and worried for this little gal...not anger!  Blessings to all here, and thanks for the responses and allowing me to once again just share with you all.   J

[JaneF]

Elsie I just read my initial post again, and it did sound like I was angry at grandaughter...I guess I did not write my post well at all!  I was meaning more that maybe she did not converse out of embarrassment so instead messed with MP3 player...and perhaps she felt uncomfortable knowing I know she is pregnant (but I did not discuss that at all of course).  The manners thing though did surprise me, but that could be due to her mind being on other things at this point.  Thanks for pointing out my wording, I stand corrected for not being really clear that time.  I guess my mind is a bit whacky with all going on!   

[nikncon]

Dear J you are doing more than you know for your  family.You are very strong.GD will need all the support that she can get.Hopefully as she is gets older and hopefully more mature than her DM and I use the term lightly.Good luck.

[elsieshaye]

No problem, Jane - it's a hurtful situation all around and I definitely understand the frustration and sadness. 

[JaneF]

 

[firelight]

Wow JaneF,  your son sounds like he's  prisoner with all the monitoring of his comings and goings......he must be miserable. 

I cannot imagine him spending the rest of his life like that.  That DIL and MIL puts the D in Dysfunction.

Something like part of luise's quotes used once about being a "wedded jailor" or wedded to a jailor or something like that comes to mind. 

Your DIL sounds horrid.  I feel for those kids and the one on the way. 

The 13 yr old mind is reacting exactly the way they do.....just like a teen caught up in herself.  Raising that babe is gonna be tough since she is thinking of no one but herself....which is exactly very normal concerning teens her age do.  I still think of her giving birth and the shock that is to come.  I hope mom and dad are loving and supportive at this point.  So sad.