I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds awful. And it sounds very similar to my OD's MIL. They have finally broken away from her toxicity, but it was awfully stressful on my DD. She went through hell. I told her early on that I thought her MIL had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They went to a counsellor who helped them, and also told them that MIL has NPD. This isn't a simple case of being vain, but, rather, a totally disordered way of looking at and dealing with the world. I grew up with an older sister who also has NPD, and it took me years to find a counsellor who knew what it was. My sister wreaked havoc in my live, and it wasn't until I was in my late 30's that I finally began to understand it all. That was 20 years ago. About 15 years ago, I had to go "no contact" with her for my own sanity and peace of mind. Some people thought it was an awful way to treat a sister, but my responsibility is to myself and my own family. If you google NPD you will find some good sites, and one or two not. They have really helped me be strong in my own recovery of N abuse. Your MIL sounds so much like my daughter's MIL. They have finally gone no contact, and plan on moving to another state. I'm so happy for them. After 5 years of marriage, they finally get to really live their own lives and be their own family. You deserve the same.