Frustrated and angry

[obital]

Thank you for filling my heart with hope and encouraging those of us who are searching for answer to such unexplainable hurt and questions of WHY?. My heart still hurts but tiring to move on with the awareness that i have other sons and God almighty. It's helpful to have people as close as the internet sharing the most sensitive part of their hearts and not be ashamed of this very problem with our distanced adult children and the choices they make not being aware that we count, can contribute and longs to be a continued part of their lives. My dil and her mother' gaming has made me appear very insignificant to my son/ Gd plus a gs will be born anyday  but the price comes high for our children when they chose their in-law and forget the ties that binds. That is the prayer in my constant prayers that he will not forget me with the realizations as he watch his children grow with endearment he will also remember me for the mother I was and am. Thank you for sharing a nd i will contrate on the uplifting comments to build on when depression of exclusion presents itself.

[Pen]

Welcome, Obital. I'm glad you found us but very sorry you needed to. As you have read, many women are going through similar things with their adult children. You definitely are not alone!

Please take a moment to read the two introductory posts highlighted in pink under Open Me First on the home page. We ask this of all new members to make sure the site is a good fit.

[themuffin]

Hi City Girl,
I know how you feel.  Why, my very first post here was entitled, "Am I the only one who's angry?"  I absolutely was angry that my DS would dare to treat me so badly.  Just like you, I thought we had a great relationship.  We did so many things together.  I thought that as we would always be close. Yep, he even told me when I was older I would live with him...I thought he treasured me as much as I treasured him....NOT!!!
When I found out how he truly felt about me, the things he said about me, and finally the way he treated me I was very hurt but that hurt was filled with ANGER!!!!  Was he kidding me?  Just like you, I'd done nothing to deserve this.  DS made stuff up! Which really ticked me off more.

We've made some progress. He said some things that acknowledge the error of his ways.  Do I forgive him?  Sure. That's what mothers do.  Do I trust him? Will I ever feel the same about him?  Nope.  NEVER.  I saw him turn..I've seen the evil..I know what he's capable of. I will never be vulnerable to him again.  I was blindsided before.  My eyes are wide open now.

Sending you hugs...

Obital- that was just a wonderful first post.  I am in a very similar situation as you regarding FDIL and her mother.  FDIL doesn't want DS to have a relationship with his family, only hers.  And yes, we've become quite insignificant in comparison.  I had always imagined that when one of the boys got married we would gain a daughter.  That's not what happened.  It seems that we lost a son and they gained one. My son was raised being told that family is the most important thing in the world.  When we had our blow up over FDIL he threw me away like used toilet paper.  He said that she was his future and I was not his mother, and I should forget that he was my son.  On Mother's Day I would get nothing but would later learn of what he did with her mother.  Even when we were speaking.  On birthdays...nothing. Xmas...nothing. But you could bet your house that he came to collect his gifts.  yes....that's my DS.  I'd better stop now.  I'm getting angry again!

[PatiencePlease]

CityGirl ~  I am so happy you decided to vent here.  Don't keep this hurt bottled up ever.   I have a very dear aunt with MS and one thing she explained to me was that it's important to avoid stress.  Please continue to do whatever it is you need to do to unload this heartache.  Treat yourself well - always.

[somom]

Dear cg,  I really feel for you and your situation.  I, too, have had a daughter that totally shuns me.  And after leaving the door open for communication with respect there still is nothing.  It does not sting so much anymore, but I still have my down days.  I have 2 points I would like to make.  One is that I feel in this day and age there is so much "do it yourself" psychology out there for ac to latch onto that they say, Yea I was abused by my parents and I have every right to disown them.  The second thing is that now I think I understand why God included in the ten commandments, Thou shalt love thy Mother and Father.  I believe he knows this very, awful treatment of parents would and could come about.  It basically is apart of the sin of man.  I don't want to get too theological here, but I hope you get my point.  So I have learned to accept the reality that my daughter probably will always be the way she is.  Even if there is a reconciliation I would also not ever trust her again as it has been posted here.  Our relationship has forever been altered.  My favorite saying is by Mia Angelo, I'm not sure if I spelled that right.  It is "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."  I tell myself that often.  The sad part is that we have to come to believe who are ac are by their actions.  I hope you can come to a good place with all of this.  I know you certainly deserve that and much more judging from the love that jumps out at me from your postings.