Am I being crazy....

[themuffin]

DS just called and said that FDIL is having a girl!  OMG, but I wanted a little girl so badly and they both know this.  Hence, do you guys think I'm crazy to believe that they just may be lying to be mean?  A few summers ago FDIL was pregnant and they made a special trip over to tell me, both knowing how much I've always talked about how much I was looking forward to my GC.  Before I even had time to process the thought she said she wasn't keeping it.  I could think of no reason in the world for them to tell me about it other than to hurt me.  I assure you it's not that we had an open, honest relationship.  It was just her way of sticking a knife in my side and DS let her do it.

What do you think?

[luise.volta]

I think time will tell. Don't let them yank your chain. Sending love...

[Beth 2011]

Hence, do you guys think I'm crazy to believe that they just may be lying to be mean?

Hi Muffin,

Do they usually come over on a regular basis?  I would go with my gut feeling.  Hoping for the best for you.

[themuffin]

Hi Beth, this is the first time FDIL has come by since the incident. I think I'll just continue to think of it as the baby and not think about it as a
boy or girl.

[Doe]

Is this from an ultrasound?  With my first one, we didn't know even after an ultrasound - we weren't able to see it, but it was there.

Who knows, they test so much these days.

I wouldn't sweat it - I'll bet you'll find some way to love the baby, even if it's a boy ;-).

[diazdebbie]

Ultra sounds are not always accurate either.  When my niece had a baby, they told her she was going to have a girl, but then she deliverd a boy.  Apparently, when they went for the ultrasound the boy was not cooperating and they didnt see his little member and so they assumed it was probably a gir but didnt say for surel.  If they tell you It's a boy, they are pretty sure because they saw his little member.

I would just wait it out and be grateful for a healthy baby boy or girl.

[shorewil]

My DS and DIL  said that our little expected one was standing on her head for the ultrasound with her legs WIDE open !  That shut me right up ...

[firelight]

Man, if your DIL is that cold-hearted , your DS is in for the ride of his life....

I'm glad they told you if indeed they truly know the sex....A new GD will be delightful! ...but, no matter what she has, a healthy baby will be the awesome blessing!
 

I like luise response....."don't let them yank your chain"....   

[Nana]

The Muffin....

I am leaning through the positive side also...that they are truthful....otherwise...for me...its more than mean....cant believe people can do that.

So glad...you will have a granddaughter.......I am sure you will.


Love

[jill1963]

hi themuffin,

I agree with Nana, about the mean bit, and like she said you have to hope that they are not that spiteful.
A question though, whilst the FDIL may be that spiteful, has your DS been that way too and do you really think he would lie to you to keep FDIL happy in her twisted hate? ( cos that's all i can see it as being)
the last thing she said and did about being pregnant the first time and not keeping it is beyond mean, personally although my YDD BF is not my favourite person, he is not that mean, however i decided because he never says anything positive about my GS never to ask him questions how GS is doing (BF works with me).
Therefore I would never have told FDIL how much i was longing for a GC so as she could twist the knife/upset me.
It is horrible when you have to think so much when you speak to a person about what you talk about for fear of what they might say :-(

However congratulations that you are going to be a GP and whether a boy or girl as long as they are healthy that's the main thing, fingers crossed also that once she has this baby your FDIL will also get a a conscience and a heart!

Jill

[Pooh]

You're not crazy.  We base our feelings about people on our past with them and how they have treated us.  So understand the fear....just don't let it rule you.

[themuffin]

Wow!!! You ladies are simply the best!!!

LOL Doe, I chuckled with that last line!   I guess I'll love it, even if it is a boy, LOL   Just kidding! I KNOW I'll love him!!!   It's the second ultrasound. After the first one DS said it was a boy. I assumed the tech told them it was a boy.  After posting here I did a little research and learned it was too early to tell.  DS later said that the tech never said it, but FDIL "believes" it's a boy.  At this stage you should be able to tell, although I know nothing is 100%. 

Hi Diazdebbie!!!  I have heard of stories like that.  One time a couple were told they were having a little boy but it was really a little girl.  I think they said the tech thought the umbilical cord was a penis.  Anyhoo, I was wondering how long ago this happened with your niece?  When I had my sonogram many years ago they gave me a picture of some black and white fuzz, that looked a little like a ink blotch, and if you squinted one eye and concentrated really hard you could see a baby!  Now a days these things come in 3D and look like an actual picture! No doubts that's a baby in there!  A coworker email a sonogram of his soon to be born daughter, and she was just laying there, legs crossed, little hands by the side of her head, looking bored!  These things are amazing now!


Shorewill---OMG, I spit on my computer with that one!!!   You gave me an excellent idea...ASK TO SEE THE PICTURE!!!

Firelight- I wouldn't put nothing past them.  As far as DS having the ride of his life...Well...he gave us a ride, maybe it's his turn, lol!!!
And yes, oh yes...as much as I would love and adore a grandson, the thought of a little girl just tugs at my heart.  I had three sons, my sister had a son, our family is full of males. The experience of a little girl does fill my heart with delight! 


Thanks Nana!  I'm gonna lean on the positive side 95%, LOL.  I want to believe that it would be just too mean and selfish for anyone to do that.  But knowing FDIL and DS as I do I will keep the 5% cushion of preparedness just in case!

Hi Jill, Yes they have both been spiteful toward me.  I think I fault DS more than FDIL.  I sometimes wonder if FDIL would have had our troubles if it weren't for DS tainting her with his lies in the first place.  Every bad thing she ever heard about me she heard from him.  She had already formed an opinion of me before she ever got a chance to know me. First impressions are hard to break and it was DS who gave her her first impression of me.  And yes, I believe that he would go along with it.  He went along with her telling me about the first baby and that they weren't going to have it.  There's no doubt that I was told because they wanted to inflict some pain on me. 
Jill, you are so right about it being horrible about having to watch what you say or ask.  It's like walking on eggshells. It's stressful to always try to balance the universe so as not to upset the peace.  It's just not suppose to be that way.

Thanks Pooh.  I knew that I could come here and express my crazy thoughts because you all would understand.  Someone else may have thought I had issues!
Of course it doesn't really matter if it's a boy or girl...I just want healthy!!!  You hit it on the head.  I do have fear.  I fear that they are still willing to hurt me.  But as you said....I won't let it rule me.  I'll just be very, very cautious!!

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

[Scoop]

Muffin, I have to ask you about them telling you about their first PG.

Because I'm sure they were freaking out over it themselves.  I'm pretty sure they were freaking out over telling you, afraid that YOU would freak out about this "little hussy trying to trap your precious DS".  (Not saying that WAS your opinion, but it's the general idea of what we expect the Mom of the young man to think/say.)  Do you really think, after figuring out they were pregnant, and making the heart wrenching decision to either abort/adopt out the baby, they said "Let's mess with my Mom and tell her, to stab a knife in her back!"  That's just not how people think and plan things in these kind of situations.  I'm pretty sure they were NOT thinking about you, beyond being worried about your reaction and trying to reassure you that they were going to do the "responsible thing".  In this case, it sounds to me like this is YOU making them out to be the demons and YOU twisting the situation and hurting your own self.

Either way, abortion / adoption, they wanted to tell you themselves, in person, so that you wouldn't find out from someone else, or years later.  I'm pretty sure they thought they were doing you a kindness, to let you know at the ground level, what was going on in their lives.  To me, they were keeping you involved.  How did you react?

Honestly, it would hurt me if my Mom thought so very little of me that she thought I would tell her something big and life-changing like this JUST TO HURT HER.  To me, that would be HER taking MY pain and making it all about her.  So yeah, I would be mad and hurt and I would pull back.  And if it was my MIL, I'm not sure I could forgive it either.

Now, it could be that I'm naive.  And because I'm not a rotten kid, I can't imagine how a rotten kid acts and how much it hurts their parents.  However, if your DS is SUCH an AWFUL person that you think he would LIE to you, outright, about the baby's gender.  Not "making a mistake" or "the tech making a mistake" but it seems like you think that he is KNOWINGLY, BALD-FACED LYING to your face.  Why do you want anything to do with someone who would treat you like that?

[pam1]

You're not crazy.  We base our feelings about people on our past with them and how they have treated us.  So understand the fear....just don't let it rule you.

I agree.

I have heard that if the (I hope I'm getting the right technical term here, I'm not really trying to be offensive!) sack has not dropped on a little boy, it looks still like a girl.  And babies are ready to be born anywhere from 36 - 42 weeks, so grow time is different for every baby. 

[themuffin]

Scoop, you've often helped me see things from the other side and although it may have felt a bitter pill to swallow at times, I did allow myself to try to see thru others eyes. 

However, in this case you are completely, without a doubt, positively wrong. It was not me twisting anything.  How do I know? Because I was there. My husband was there. The only way you could know was that you would have to be there.  There is no doubt in either of our minds, and even the mind of my mother, who I related the story to, who also knows FDIL and DS, that their intention was to hurt me. There was no remorse displayed what so ever.  She even giggled at times. She was caught in lies.  No, these thoughtless people did not think they were confiding in me and sparing me some later hardship should I find out.  They thought that I was going to be devastated. 

Perhaps you are too kind to understand that there really does exist some very cruel people in this world.  I hope you never come across them. 

Regarding your last observation, I don't remember writing in bold or any other way that my DS was SUCH and AWFUL person that he LIED, outright.  What I believe I wrote was that after the sonogram DS said it was a boy and I assumed that's what the tech told him.  It kinda went like this. DS, "FDIL had a sonogram today." Me, "That's great! Did you find out what it is." DS, "It's a boy."  Thus, my older post entitled "It's a boy".  I told all concerned that it was a boy. At Xmas time I got a few boy things for them and it was shortly after that that DS said that they didn't know the sex of the baby, and that FDIL believed it was a boy.  That was not a tech making a mistake, nor would I call it a BALD-FACED lie.  It was simply my DS being DS.  I believe he decided I should know that they weren't sure only because he didn't want me to buy a bunch more boy stuff.

You asked why would I want anything to do with someone who would treat me like this.  Well, he's actually done far worst and somehow I guess because he is my son and I am his mother, I've continued to love him.  On top of that I would like to have a relationship with the baby.  I'm hoping that since they are young, soon to be parents, and seem to be making some progress that there is still a chance of hope.  It is also my hope that we can grow and heal and become the family I had always hoped we could be.