sad news, I am going to be a great grandmother...my grandaughter just turned 13

[firelight]

Just a random thought I just had:

I think they (TV networks) should do away with the shows like "Teen Mom" and "Tots and Tiaras".....all garbage and unhealthy for all involved in these shows and for whomever watches this sort of thing.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying this.

[luise.volta]

You get to say what you think. The only way not to offend someone is to never open your mouth…or write a word. This is a "take what you want and leave the rest" Website, F. And if someone gets out of line…our Moderators will handle it. Sending love...

[pam1]

firelight, you didn't offend me.  I have the same thoughts and usually I'm all over the trashy reality shows! lol.  But those just go way too far IMO.  There was some talk when the Gosselin kids were on tv about the child labor laws being changed to protect kids on reality tv, I hope they get somewhere soon with it.  IMO, it's irresponsible of their parents to allow their children on tv like that.

[JaneF]

I totally have to agree with the reality shows needing weeded out.  IMO the Teen Mom junk just glorified teen pregnancy to the younger kids.  Instead of them getting the hardships of making bad choices, it seems like the kids only looked at "how cool" it was!  So sad.  As far as toddlers and tiaras goes, I cannot stomach that show either.  Those little girls are put through way too much, and some of those kids' behavior reflects that too!  The thought of them feeling like they have to have make-up, and fake hair pieces to "look beautiful" can't be good for their self esteem can it?  Some of those little girls are made to look totally ridiculous I think.  Why can't children just be children for a while longer?   

[luise.volta]

Ah, for the good old non-media days! Sigh...

[Silver Spring]

I suppose I'm in the minority here. I do not watch the shows but when we talk to girls about educating themselves about the reality of teenage pregnancy, we do point them to Teen Mom, specifically the reunion shows because it highlights the best and worst. There is an abusive mom who correctly had her child removed from her home. There is a girl who just wants to be a teen but can not because well, there is a kid. I believe there is a girl with twins, one of which is disabled. Rough stuff for anyone and it's hard to imagine teenagers going through it.

I did watch the first season and I thought it was pretty evident that teen pregnancy (custody disputes, sacrificing school, and other things) was extremely tough.

I do not agree with some of them making $140,000 a year (total unsubstantiated rumor so far, I haven't verified). What I would agree with is if Teen Mom producers paid healthcare for the children, counseling for the parent(s) and put any money in a trust for those babies. I also wish there was some sort of gag order (right words?) about keeping those girls off the magazines and that they are contractually banned from being spokespeople for products (because I'm sure that's next).

I do wish your family the best of luck Jane, it won't be easy, but it can certainly be done, and it can be done right. I recommend (and I know this is worthless) a social worker getting involved somehow just to teach some life skills regarding parenting as a teenager (and behaving like an adult). I know that's not up to you, but social workers make a tremendous impact in times like this if you can find one willing.

[JaneF]

Thank you for your honest reply Silver Spring. I do agree a social worker might be handy if involved here, and definitely counseling is in order...however, my DIL would scream bloody murder if anyone even suggested either of those things!  Can you say "denial"?    To be honest, that is one of the strangest families I have ever met.  I am raising another grandaughter as most of you know, and she is 5 months younger than the grandaughter who is now pregnant.  They are so totally opposite!  The one we have still insists papa tucks her in at bed time for petes sake.  The only "boys" she is interested in really are her 2 male guinea pigs!  She is still very much a child, and we soooo love the fact that she likes arts and crafts, dancing, playing the flute in band, camping, and fishing with us.  I really am dealing with the pregnancy thing well, because there isn't anything I can do at this point anyway.  From what I understand though my son is taking it hard.  But, some of the innapropriate actions and behaviors this child has seen may have contributed to this, but I also must admit my son was diagnosed bipolar several years ago, but is doing quite well and has held a good job for several years and no meds etc.  DIL on the other hand gets VERY angry when anyone tells her she is bipolar because she states the doctor told her as a teenager she was "manic depressive"...so she thinks that these are two totally different things...good grief. Again, denial.  All she has to do is get on the computer and search manic depression, what pops up???  BI-POLAR DISORDER of course!  lol  She refuses to accept that, but goes to the doctor for xanax for anxiety and other stuff like that.  It's clearly a mess, and I feel sorry for all involved, especially since they are all living with DIL's newly divorced mother...another bad idea...Ladies, have a most wonderful weekend.  I am going to work over time and take an injured relative to a hair appointment tomorrow...life goes on!   

[CityGirl]

Jane, I give you so much credit for handling this so gracefully.  And even focusing on others, such as taking your relative for her hair appointment.  You are a great role model.

I am so sorry though about this sad, sad news.  I am a retired nurse and childbirth educator, it was very hard to see these children having children. 

Along the lines of what Silver Spring suggested, is there any chance social services will get involved?  While people are usually afraid of that, they can be helpful, not threatening.

I am sending good thoughts your way.

[JaneF]

Thanks City Girl, but I don't know how gracefully I am handling issues...I am just doing my best!  I have a FANTASTIC update on this sad situation however!  As you all know my DS stopped communication with me a year and a half ago suddenly, and he said mean things about me not giving them enough, or doing enough for them etc. Also my DIL's FOO always has gotten all the holidays, kids birthdays etc, and we are pushed totally out of their lives.  WELL.....at noon yesterday after taking my friend to her hair appointment because of her broken knee injury, we stopped for lunch and my phone rang while we were seated there. Normally so as not to be rude I'd ignore the call, but I always look at the number of caller in case I am called in to work for power outages etc.  I almost fainted when I saw it was my DS calling me!  I was all set to stand my ground and say I refuse to be treated badly blah, blah when the first thing out of his mouth was Momma???  It stopped my heart!  He has always called me momma, not just mom.  Anyway, he then said he wanted to apologize for being so mean and awful over this past year and he was wrong!  Oh my gosh!  I thought I surely was dreaming!  He said he was being jealous and envious and felt he was a failure and he reacted that way, but he was sorry.  He said life is too short and something could happen suddenly and it'd be too late to say what you need to say.  Now THAT'S the boy I raised!  He is not aware that everything going on in his life I am already aware of (lol), I am a pretty capable person when it comes to keeping informed about my kids!  I heard earlier yesterday that he had a serious seizure at work on Thursday and went by ambulance to hospital.  Odd because I hear a few weeks ago his sister, my youngest child also went by ambulance recently in a different town because of seizures.  They are both due for further health checks.  My son said he is doing okay as far a hepatitus C, his numbers have not changed (whew!), but he is due for another liver biopsy to make sure all is functioning okay.  He also said he is up for a supervisory spot at work, and again thanked me because he now felt pride at all he has accomplished and understands that I did what I did for his own good, because since he did these things on his own (just got a nicer car too) he can be proud he did this for his family on his own!  BINGO! I am soooo happy for this newest developement.  He is indeed upset about my grandaughter and the pregnancy situation, and we talked about that.  Because of her young age, the school and my son had to file a police report about this, and I am sure there will be some possible counseling or social service involvement perhaps.  I am happy to say though that it looks like my son has changed a lot of things for the better, and he said that he and DIL will probably raise the grandchild, and they want my grandaughter to finish school etc.  The law has said the boyresponsible will be in trouble if he is 16 years or older, but odd grandaughter won't reveal parentage!  My son and I both agree the reason is he is more than likely at least 16 and she is trying to protect him.  The truth will come out though.  We discussed her physical and emotional situation and he feels she needs some help and guidance (YES!).  Sad news though for them, DIL was apparently diagnosed with RA, a form arthritis that is not good of course.  My DS plans to come to my house and bring grandaughters next Friday!  He said he knows DIL has had all control all these years and he sees now that it has not been right that her family got everything while his was shoved aside, and he plans to be a part of our lives and she can either come with him or not!  I am so sorry for blabbing on ladies, but I couldn't help myself!  Maybe this tragic situation can lead us to some good things huh?  Thanks to you all for your support and replies.  I'll keep you updated on the current news!  J

[firelight]

Wow JaneF!  Another story of a 360 turn around!  Love it!

Sounds like your DS has finally had enough of being a doormat.  And he really does miss his momma.  That's wonderful. 

As far as finding out who the daddy is, there are possiblities there too......I think it's shameful when another teen dad is thrown in jail (or prison) for this.  Unless there was a rape.  Sometimes these girls (not saying that your GD did this by any means) tell them they're a different age than they are and if she was dressing the way she was as you described, she may have "looked" older.  I feel there should be consequences of having to contribute paying for the raising of the child and he should not be allowed to skate off into oblivion, but to punish him just because of the deed is not helping anyone involved in the situation.  It is making a tragic situation worse......but there should be consequences nonetheless.  2 people created this lil one and 2 people (in this case more than 2 since the "kids" can't put bites of food in their own mouths let alone their baby's) should have consequences.  Unfortunately, we know the momma gets the major hit and the male gets to sit on the sidelines normally.  Her hiding his identity is helping him do just that....hide from his responsibility.  She should not be the only one left standing here holding the bag and I hope she sees the light in her immature mind one day very soon before the baby comes.  She doesn't realize it but she needs to think of her and the baby right now and not him being allowed to hide.   I think some counseling is in order for the future momma now (maybe they can help her see the light) and daddy and he should be made to attend as well.  But going to be hard to do if she won't fess up.  Still a sad situation.  The boy will be 18 eventually (if he's not already, then that makes a different scenario) and should be made to pay child support.  Then there's his parents to think about.........

I am so glad your DS is coming around and I know you must be elated!  I think he's got his hands full especially now that DIL is diagnosed with RA.  That's going to put even more work on DS.  It sounds like he's had an epiphany though and probably stayed away all this time due to the influence of DIL.  I'm glad he came to his senses.  Life really is too short.

I'm still loving the fact that you have kept your safe distance and living life and yet, here he comes.  I'm about to pull back a bit further myself in my own situation.  It's high time people in my life who are 25 and 29 grow up already.   I'm going to step back a bit and let the chips fall where they may.  Frankly, they're wearing me out.

[JaneF]

Firelight, I agree with a lot of your post once again! Time will tell on a lot of the issues, and I too am worn out already from just normal stuff like working full time, dealing with rental properties, ans raising the one grandchild!  The deal with the father of the baby coming will be interesting to say the least. Yes, she looks older than she is, and they should both have consequences for the bad choice they made. If he is 16 or so I think he probably is very immature like a typical teen boy! My son and DIL will raise the child and be responsible financially, but I think if the "father to be" has parents they should also help with baby's needs. Unless my son and his wife adopt the child of course.  Too soon to plan everything yet though until more is known. Yes I am happy my son is trying to stop being a doormat, and I know from past experience DIL will most likely fight him on it and try to make his life miserable if he disagrees with her, but I think this time he may just put his foot down and see what happens. We'll see. I hope personally that they will unite as parents and try to compromise! lol  I am very happy to hear from him of course, but will not set myself up for a crushing blow or let them hurt me again, and he was told that when I spoke to him.  Had to protect "me"!  I am so glad I had an outlet to express thoughts during this ordeal, it helped me a lot.  J

[firelight]

Yes, I agree with you JaneF.  All the way. 

And I think you're doing great!