sad news, I am going to be a great grandmother...my grandaughter just turned 13

[JaneF]

Wow is all I can think right now.  I don't need advice on this deal, and basically I just wanted to share the news.  What a tragedy.  I sort of blame my son and DIL for a lot of this.  The DIL absolutely had a fit if my son tried to discipline my grandaughter, and my son did not have the "backbone" (not the word I thought of first...sorry  ) to stand up to her and disagree with her. But then the behaviors she has been exhibiting are "normal" for my DIL's family!  Such as dressing in skimpy clothes, inappropriate discussions on Facebook, looking 17 years old with a ton of make-up at 12 years old, and worst of all, allowed boyfriends in the age group of 15 at the age of 11 and 12!!!  Who does this?  But alas, I cannot offer any support since I have been cut off for over a year and a half.  We'll see if he call now.  It's a terrible shame.  But the real shocker in this is finding out from a phone call that the news broke on Facebook of all places!  Good grief.  My DIL's MOTHER and younger sister were discussing this with my grandaughter on there...unreal!!!  These folks have no brains at all is what I think.  This is not a crisis for me, and I am dealing with the news quite well.  I am not the one that will have to raise this child because the mother is still a child!  I am no longer in their drama filled world, and even if my son calls I will refuse to be drawn into it again.  Let DIL's family handle it ALL...she only wanted her family in their lives...YOU GOT IT LADY!  Just thanks to all of you wise ladies here for letting me vent.  I am quite okay, as I have learned to detach...

[themuffin]

No advice...just hugs...

[pam1]

Wow, I hope it all works out for her and she has tons of support.  Wow

[lancaster lady]

Jane :

Oh dear ...hard not to be sad for that young girl   

[luise.volta]

I am sad for the baby. A child who has to eventually figure this all out…or not. Sending love...

[Pooh]

Me too. I feel bad for the GD.

[JaneF]

Thanks all for your replies.  I agree, such a sad situation.  Babies having babies.  I have no further news as of yet, and no call from son.  No surprise there though.  This will be difficult for them all, I know from experience.  My son and his wife had my grandaughter while in high school, but they both did finish school at least.  My youngest daughter also had the grandaughter that I am raising while in high school.  Sadly they will now know how difficult this can be on parents...blessings to you all.

[Doe]

wow! Glad you are able to keep a safe distance....

[FAFE]

Sending hugs and will keep y'all in my prayers. 

[Pen]

Detachment and letting go of expectations while loving your GD/GGD...a tough one, for sure, but doable (or so Luise has led us to believe.) Sending support and hugs your way, JaneF.

[JaneF]

No word yet from a sole still...no surprise there!  I am doing just fine actually, but do feel really bad for my GD.  Lack of good parenting has played a huge role in the predicament at hand.  I do not know if by the time the GGS  or GGD is born if son will make any effort at contacting his FOO...but to be quite honest now that we have been away from the drama and disappointment that we endured for the last dozen years, I not sure if I WANT a relationship with them if it is still going to be the same way it has been before...I am much stronger now and I refuse to allow them to treat us that way again.  Time will tell I suppose!  Have a most joyous day my dear ladies, and again thanks for the replies.  It's nice to be able to just have folks listen and be supportive huh?  J

[luise.volta]

They may never change…time will tell…but you have. How wonderful to see you stepping up to the plate and loving your self through this, J. Sending love...

[firelight]

I am so sorry to hear this news for the 13 yr old and feel very sad for both "babies".  The 13 yr old body will not be ready to give birth.  This will be a horrible shock for her and I hope she is OK physically (not to mention mentally).  She will need all support available no matter what.  If they ask her to give up the baby for adoption, that will be another terrible burden to bear (I would not let the child go out to others as a grandma, but that is me).  But to have to raise the baby as a child is just tragic and I doubt she will have developed the patience at all or skills to do this.  The grandparents will have a rude awakening as they will be raising the babe if she keeps it.  I feel sort of bad for your DS too. 

You're an inspiration though, JaneF that you are taking care of yourself from afar even though having your emotions about it also.  I can see you've had practice detaching and that is really healthy.  I like what luise said about being glad you are able to love yourself through this.  I can remember you and this statement as I work on myself too!  Their lives are not ours, but so sad just the same.  I'll bet your DS is rather devastated.  I really hope the 13 yr old isn't getting verbally abused over this as this will be the most difficult thing she will ever face.

[JaneF]

Thank you for such a kind response firelight.  I too hope my grandaughter isn't getting verbally abused due to circumstances, but if you knew some of the disgusting examples she has been exposed to as far as her parents, and my DIL's own mother...holy cow.  Of course kids and school will be an issue.  She is a 7th grader, and kids can be cruel.  I too worry about her physically and emotionally.  They do not believe in abortion, I do know that.  I doubt seriously that my DIL will consider discussing adoption either.  No, she is not ready at all to be a parent (of course not), so it will fall on my DS and my DIL.  However, that also might not be such a good thing for the child either considering the issues surrounding their environment.  It's a mess, but I am still doing okay.  I realise I cannot change the situation, nor do I want to be drug into the chaos.  I have to take care of the grandaughter we are raising, that is priority!  That and me and husband taking care of "us".  We are doing well though.  I have learned a lot, but it was a long time coming!  Hope all of you ladies have a wonderful day.  J

[luise.volta]

I am so touched by your posts, J. Sending love...