Tried reaching out to DS

[Beth 2011]

Doe I am so sorry for whatever you are having to deal with, God bless you.

[luise.volta]

And we still have had the experience. Parenting helped us mature and become "more" and we get to keep that. Sending love...

[CityGirl]

Beth, I am so sorry for you (and for everyone here) going through these heartbreaking experiences.  {{hugs}}

It is especially hard when there are grandchildren involved.  I can only imagine how hard it was for your husband to listen to that baby crying (no matter what the reason) when all your instincts are to comfort and soothe them, not to expose them to drama and discord.

It is easy to be obsessed with these situations and very, very hard to detach from them.  I envy and admire the people who can.  That is why this is such a good place.  There are many wonderful role models. 

You are in my prayers.

[diazdebbie]

I'm in a similiar situation with my DS.  It's so hard but I'm doing my best to move on without him.  Fortunatley DIL came by with my 3 GC this past weekend.  I have only seen them about 3 times in the past year.  They visited for about 5 hours, just hanging out.  The kids are so wonderful, I'm so glad DIL wants the kids to know me even though my DS will have nothing to do with me.  He is moving on without me but not making DIL and kids do the same.  Or, I think DIL will not do the same as he.  DS and I have not spoken for over a year and he has truly changed for the  good.  He no longer drinks, kept a full time job for some time now, goes to church with his wife and kids every Sunday and does everything to keep his family happy.  And it shows... DIL is happy for the first time in years.  Kids are all doing well.  I just continue to pray and accept the way things are and hope that eventually DS and I can bury the hatchet.  I just dont think it will happen anytime soon.

[luise.volta]

It sounds encouraging and it also sounds like you don't have a hatchet to bury. Sending love...

[Beth 2011]

Thank you City Girl,

DiazDebbie,  I happy that things are coming together for you, GC and DIL.   

[Beth 2011]

 My DD saw someone in passing and they asked her if we had seen the GC yet?  She said no, they said that they saw him without DIL with baby and they couldn't believe that none of us had not seen the GC and how much DS had changed when they tried to engage him in conversation and they said that this has happened more than once.  They said the last time they saw them together, DS totally ignored them.  The person said that they didn't understand why he acted the way DS did because he has not done anything to warrant this behavior.  My DD told him she was sorry for DB's behavior and that they were raised to treat others with respect and then she told the person, "Well, he's decided we don't exist anymore and there is nothing we can do about it."  He was shocked at DS's treatment of him and DS's FOO.  This person is an acquaintance of the DS and FOO, so I do understand him being offended by DS's behavior.  Common courtesy was big life lesson in FOO.  We find ourselves talking about the situation of DS more openly now and not getting emotional just matter of fact amongst ourselves and with FOO. What a long hard road to hoe as my DGM would have said.   

[firelight]

Wow Beth2011....you're analogy is right, sometimes it really does feel like a family member passed away.....I felt that too....luise once said something like that we miss & grieve for the person they used to be....that's the truth of it isn't it. 

Whatever it is though that your DS is harboring, it doesn't end with just you.....for him to treat another this way that was the acquaintance is just his issue....your DD seems to get it and she sounded embarrassed for his behavior....but at least this person knows that DD doesn't feel this way and that they were not raised this way.....

Also, that book "The Language of Letting Go" is by Melody Beatty (not Melonie as I first wrote) .  Sorry.  I am sure a library would carry that or at least locate it and get it for you.  We have a library here that actually will order from another branch to get what is requested on our side of town....just a thought.

diazdebbie, I am glad to hear DIL is still making efforts....I would hope that your DS going to church would help him get past whatever grudge he is holding.....I hope he doesn't continue with it until it's too late and something happens to someone (like a death)....life is so short and when tragic things happen, many say their grudges seemed so petty, but he will be the one to live with it, not you.  Keep hope alive....there is always that.