My son's behaviour is so upsetting

[luise.volta]

Thinking about "The Look" that Pooh mentioned. I have turned others into stone (temporarily) with that one!

[FAFE]

Actually, I don't know what I'd do if one of my children ordered me to my room, but probably one of us would not be standing when it was over.  We got tired of visiting our oldest son and being the sole provider of every meal everyone ate the entire time we were there.  If we go back we will definitely be at the Holiday Inn for the duration of the visit and one meal that we will gladly pay for. 

Hugs, Daisy. 

[luise.volta]

Isn't it strange, the idea that because you once were responsible for all meals whenthey were little…it is still the case when you get together? I had a nephew who did that when he visited and I just said…"Since it's just too hard to remember who's turn it is to buy, lets just go Dutch. I really did!

[Pooh]

My Sons used to tell everyone that "the look" from me was worse than any punishment and if they got that, they knew to move on.  Lol.  I think it must be issued when they stick the hospital band on you when you go into labor, because my Mom has and still has it!

[Beth 2011]

Welcome Daisy,

I am pretty new myself and am dealing with some of the same issues with my ds and dil.   I agree with everyone here but doesn't just get under your skin when they look at their phone or ipad or whatever it is .... like it has all the answers?  Like it is the Jeanie in the bottle?  Your wish is my command?  I believe the last time I saw my ds out shopping, he did this so he wouldn't have to engage in conversation with me as well as being embarrassed that I was shopping when he was in the store thinking we were working instead of being off for the day. But you will find out as I have that we can raise them but they are ac now and make their own decisions.  You teach them right from wrong and they stray from the path but you hope and pray that they come back and just get on with your life because you have others in your life not just this one ac.  It has taken me 3 years to get here and I still feel the pangs.     

[DaisyG]

Hello again,
Feeling better....but....there is no way I would be the first to offer the olive branch. His behaviour was totally unacceptable and it will be up to him. He has been totally spoilt and feels the world revolves around him. I am working on just accepting the way things are. I wouldn't treat a dog the way he treated me and forgiveness would be very hard.
It's been good to talk to all you lovely, caring ladies. You all sound like good fun! 

[Keys Girl]

Daisy, I'm slightly out of touch having been without internet access for some time.

If I'm reading this right you have two adult children.......the son who sent you "to your room" and the daughter who thinks it's your job to babysit her children so she can live her life as she wishes.

I don't have any grandchildren (that I know of) so I don't have the insight that others on this board do but it sounds to me like you need a break.

Olive brand to your son?? not on my watch.........and I too have learned the hard way not to stay with family when traveling even if they would be insulted if you stayed elsewhere (like at home).  Too bad you didn't call 911 while you were in the room to say you where being held captive.

I would give the daughter notice that the Day Care Center is closing, and be prepared for the tantrum she throws when she realizes that she might have to be financially and otherwise responsible for her offspring.

I think the bottom line for me is that adult children who treat their parents like servants (or worse) aren't people I have any time for.  Accepting the reality is a sad and difficult path at times, the disappointment of a lifetime however if they want a doormat, they can go to KMart or Walmart or wherever and buy one.

Get ready for the adult tantrums, and unfortunately they will use the grandchildren as pawns if you decide to find some time for yourself.

[luise.volta]

Forgiveness is easy…you just let him be how he is and get that it works for him and for some reason it's his best at the moment. Trust is another thing altogether…don't trust him any farther than you can throw him. Sending love...

[Shelby]

I totally agee... I have learned the hard way not to stay with one's married children!

Mods - Daisy sure got this lesson in the school of hard knocks.  What about moving some of the posts dealing with staying at AC's houses into a separate thread with a title about whether one should ever stay at AC's home?  It could save some mother or MIL some real heartache if she could read up on the risks ahead of time.

[DaisyG]

@ Keys Girl.....I like your style. You gave me a big smile....I could actually hear you talking! 
You're right...I don't want to lose my Grandchildren. I love minding them but just don't like the fact that it is expected.
@ luise.volta....wise lady but forgiveness is too hard at the moment and in the foreseeable future.
I'm going fine. For some reason I find Christmas, New Year hard and anything likes this gets magnified and I feel unloved.  I get OK when life gets back to "normal" (whatever that is).

It's just nice to hear these voices from the other side of the world offer a sympathetic word. Thank you so much.

[pam1]

I totally agee... I have learned the hard way not to stay with one's married children!

Mods - Daisy sure got this lesson in the school of hard knocks.  What about moving some of the posts dealing with staying at AC's houses into a separate thread with a title about whether one should ever stay at AC's home?  It could save some mother or MIL some real heartache if she could read up on the risks ahead of time.

I think starting a new thread would be a good idea, Shelby.  However, moving posts would break up this thread and I thought it was informative for Daisy's story.  Please feel free to create a new thread to discuss staying at an AC's home.

[diazdebbie]

I'm really sorry abour your son treating you that way.  I had a similar experience with my son (age 31).  We are no longer on speaking terms, but my DIY will return my calls (sometimes) and will make time to let me visit with the kids at a park  or somewhere.   They have three kids now, and the younger two ages 3 and 8mos dont really know me and we do not live far from eachother.
I was recently re-married (divorced for 17 years/single parent)and have a wonderful husband who is very supportive. I have tried to accept things the way they are, but its very hard. .  I also have two other adult children ages (DD) 26 and (DS)23.  They are living at my home (I moved in with my husband) All I ask is that they pay minimal rent and maintain the house.  The house is disaster and they never make any effort to give me any $$$.  I just dont understand, they take take.  Never show any appreciation.  I would never ever treat my mother the way I get treated.  I dont understand.  I pay the mortgage and all utilities and I just dont know how much longer I can do it.  Meanwhile the property value of my home is going down.  I cant just kick them out, but something's got to change.

[Keys Girl]

I cant just kick them out, but something's got to change.

Well, actually you can just kick them out.  They will give you a hard time and accuse you of being a terrible mother, but you can afford them the opportunity to find someone else to treat badly.

KG

[luise.volta]

Amen!And I think sometime we feel we have no choice when we (that's not a "you", thats a "we") just don't want to face up to the consequences. Sending love...

[DaisyG]

What is sad is that the grandchildren are missing out by not having a "normal" relationship with you.

I think I would explain to the children who are living in your home that you need to rent the house as you need that income to pay the costs of maintaining the property. Give them 2 months to find other accommodation. I can see tantrums but you are being taken for granted and your goodwill is being abused. I really think even if they do have a tantrum you will get more respect for setting boundaries for what you will accept.

As far as the other Grandchildren go.....keep taking them to the park when you can. Maybe later they will come and spend some time with you.

Take care.