I left my family

[jewels]

Did you leave your son with your husband? I wasn't sure what you meant.

[luise.volta]

Lovely! Thanks, S.! Sending love...

[firelight]

Welcome Jewels,

Keep posing, it's so very helpful.

No one can know what exactly it is you went through, so I doubt no one can tell you what to do except to encourage you. 

I'm glad to hear you're 5 yrs sober.  Congratulations for finding better ways to cope!  I hope your children will find the peace of mind that you have found as well, in time and that they will be able to grow enough to forgive.  Teen years are really hard on kids without the home being turned upside down and even moreso when it is.  It's not their fault.  As they grow in their adulthood, they may come to see more clearly (or not) when they have their own families.

Sesamejane, I loved that youtube poem.  I am going to copy and paste it for myself.  Wonderful. 

[jewels]

Thanks Firelite for your support, I apppreciate it It was very hard at that time. I really thought it would be for the best for one of us to leave. I should have thrown him out! However, at that time I had no money. He would take my car keys away from me so I couldn't go to work! Until I finally quit out of embarrassment. He wasn't giving me any money. Everything I said or did, he would say or do the opposite, I think it was deliberate. He refused marriage counseling or counseling from a church pastor.He wanted me there to care for the kids & run the house & cook. It was unbearable! He would take the kids side over mine. It was ridiculous! All the while running around with a woman 15 yrs. younger than him.

My oldest son won't speak to me. I haven't seen him since 2003. He's harboring resentments. It is still very hard to deal with.

Its funny, because even though my kids are 29, 30 & 31, none of them have kids. It's hard enough raising kids, especially when you don't get support or backing from your spouse, and especially when he undermines your authority.

Thanks everyone for your support and I hope everyone has a wonderful day. And I hope your situations all get better.

[luise.volta]

J - I had something very similar when I was young. I didn't try to solve it with alcohol because it made me sick but I was chronically depressed for almost two decades. Where in the marriage ceremony did it say, "Do you take this man to be you lawfully wedded jailer?"

[jewels]

Dear L - Thank you! I needed a good laugh. Thats a fitting description of him. Unfortunately, someone like that can destroy your self esteem, as he did mine.

[luise.volta]

Me, too. After I finally gave up and moved on…people would ask me what I thought and I would tell them his opinion. I didn't have any. (As you can tell here…I fully recovered from that!  )

[Doe]

I love that, Luise  - you're making up for lost time!
 

[jewels]

I was also diagnosed as bi-polar, and at that time I left it was untreated. I don't think I would have made the decision I did to just up and leave. I don't know though. All I know, is my ex wasn't making it any easier on me. I still harbor resentments against him for it.

[luise.volta]

The trouble with that, as I see it, J. - is that resentment hurts you, not him. It's in you and it's corrosive. We make choices and they don't all turn out as we would have liked. Expectations aren't met. And at the same time, we often don't meet the expectations of others. To heal and go on is what's next. You are worth the effort. You do the work and you get to take credit. Sending love...

[firelight]

Here's a quote for you jewels, I just saw today:

"Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.   Just let it go."
~Felice Dunas

You have probably already done so, but if you haven't you could always let your AC know why you left them with your ex DH.  It sound like there were more than 1 reason.  They may or may not forgive you but if you haven't let them know, I don't see why you couldn't.   

Keep taking care of youself.  You have a mental illness to boot and you were doing the best you could at the time. 
and keep posting!  we all have treasures to offer one another......

[Pen]

I love that quote and need to read it often. I have a terrible time with all that 

[jewels]

What makes me mad is when I was married to him life was hard. We were poor & when he got laid off and lost his job, I worked in a hot hospital laundry. He would watch the kids while I worked. When I got home, he handed the kids and the house back over to me. My life was nothing but hard with him. He never remembered my birthday & made it special or our anniversary. He rarely took me out. He worked long hours, 7 days a week. I got lonely. I drank to escape it. When he complained about my drinking, I started going to AA, & he complained about that! Said he was ashamed of me. He was one of those kind of people you couldnt please. I worked outside the home & got no support or backing from him. When our marriage really started to disintergrate, he refused counseling of any kind. Hes a rock head and a know it all. Now he remarried a woman 15 years younger than him, who used to be a stripper. That's where they met. Shes addicted to pills and crack. Her house was raided by the police and shes a felon, yet thats who he married!! She lays around all the time, is lazy, takes off on him, doesnt work, sleeps all the time. And that's who hes in love with.
This is why Im so angry!

[luise.volta]

J - I can see how disgusting that must be for you. On the other hand, it looks to me like he got exactly what he deserves. You deserve a lot better! His life is about him. It's a mirror. Sending love...

[firelight]

wow jewels, and he had the nerve to point his finger at you....looks like he got what he played for.....