sad

[juju68]

I am not new here but have been reading for awhile...I have a grandaughter that is 1 an a half...I was there when she was born and wen to birthing classes with my daughter. I helped with labor bought everything she needed she got a post op infection and I took care of her and the grandbaby..then my daughter began treating me like crap again...calling me names saying it was my fault I got beat and raped..she took my grandbaby away and didnt talk to me for 6 months then around march she came aroound an was letting me watch my granddaughter 3 times a week. I got so attatched to her  she has a friend and is now calling her friends mother mom...and has treated me terrible and didnt include me for my granddaughtesr 1st birthday and let her new mom throw the party and since september she has taken the baby away and will not let me see her and I have tried everything and I am so tired an hurt.....She sent me a e-mail with a xmas picture of the granddaughter and herself and her new mom and family dresed up in xmas clothes taking a family picture I cried for days I dint act like i got the email nor reply..was not anything in the email but the picture anyway...there is so much pain this kid inflicts on me..I do not know how much I can take... I have no other family it was always myself an my daughter...I am missing out on so much of the baby growing up...I have enrolled in school for nursing and last semester I was on honor roll and my daughter says you are not goinna make it through school..who says that?? I go back to school tuesday and I am going to work hard at school and get my deegree but this pain and stress is killin me...I am sorry to ramble I just do not know what to do..counseling didnt work so I just keep reading all the posts you wise women write..

[sesamejane]

Juju,
I think you are on the right track with school. I went back to school, and it is now a blessing.  I don't know what I would have done with out the ability to make money and take care of myself.  Listen to your own heart on this one. 

I completely support you and understand how diffiicult it is to deal with dc who have mood swings and appear to be maliciously cruel.  Hang in there, keep reading, posting.  You have the respect an dlove of the women who read and post on these pages.

Love to you....

[Doe]

Juju-
I think it might help to do whatever you need to do to shut out the noise from your daughter.    Hopefully, one day, you'll be able to differentiate where your influence ends and her own problems begin.
Nursing school is a great idea.  My FOO was in the medical field and there was such community and lots of appreciation that came their way.
Whatever you can to do make yourself stronger - I think that's what you should focus on.  Not for your daughter, but incidentally, if she does want contact with you in the future, you'll be in a better position to handle it.

[Pooh]

JuJu, I think you are on the right track.  Doing for ourselves and realizing we are important is wonderful.  I think school is a great idea.

[KDurose]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go thru this. I keep telling myself that the reason that our DD treat us this way is because they trust us, that we are not going to go away, I know that's hard to swallow and I could be wrong but just know that this is HER problem and not YOURS!

You are doing the right thing by yourself by going back to school and concentrating on that for yourself, that is all you can do right now. But, if the time comes that your DD comes back into your life, you must set boundaries so that she will know that she cannot continue to treat you like this.

Take care and stay strong for yourself!! You can do anything you want and I know you will finish school!!

[juju68]

Thank you to each one of you who replied...I am trying hard to get on with my life and you all have given very good advice.... I have a hard time wondering why she wants to hurt me so bad and missing out on my granddaughter is killing me..but you are all right, it is her problem not mine. I am going to continue in school and I will make it ..like I said I got on the honor roll last semester and I am 43 years old so I am proud of myself... each day is a new beginning. I just wish the heartache would disappear becuase it is awful as I am sure you all know..thanks again and have a great day 

[KDurose]

I totally know and understand exactly what you are feeling...I am going through this very same thing with my DD. Take it day by day and we will both get through it. I'm your same age and everything..this is a great time in our lives!! We deserve to be happy!!

[juju68]

Thanks mambear68...I am sorry we are going through this I know it is one of the hardest things I have been through,and I have been through alot ! I know that all we can do is day by day sometimes it is second by second...I went to walmart tonight and almost cried when I walked by the kids clothes...ugh   I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way..I hope we can learn to be happy we are to young to not be living life..everyone who is going through this does not deserve it...I gotta run but I will check back...Have a good evening

[jill1963]

hi Juju68,

i read  your post and others and think to myself, where did we go wrong?
Fact is i dont think we did, if it was a crime to love your children and do all you could for them then i think we were pretty ok Mom's.
However i think the problem  is that maybe we did too much, society nowadays i think (and please forgive me if i sound cynical) is a very much every person for themself world, i have noticed (and i am not blaming myself or others my age) that if you tried to do as much as you could when your children were growing up, they generally only remember the odd bad moment and not the good ones.
i now look back and think, did i give too much of myself? because the Mothers that were always there for their kids seem to be the ones that are treated worst, like yourself.
Your DD seems a very silly girl who is being spiteful to you for no good reason, i cannot see from your post that there is any one particular moment in time where you could say, well maybe that is why my DD is being like that with me, which makes it hard to fix.
As others have said you are doing the right thing concentrating on yourself, good luck with your training and i hope/know you will do well at your studies. Hopefully in time your DD will see how nasty she has been and try rectify it.
I sometimes wonder with all the stories on here, if the very persons who are causing us so much heartache will end up on here because their children have done the same to them that they have done in so many ways to us all, and if so will they then realise that we were all not quite so bad as they think?
Jillx

[Pooh]

I look back now and for my way of thinking, I would owe many women apologies.  I didn't say anything to them, but I thought it.  The Mom's that wouldn't show up sometimes for their kid's ballgames or PTA meetings because they had a hair appointment, or were going to a tupperware party.  I used to think, wow...how can they do that knowing they are missing their kids game?  How can they not volunteer for school things when their children are there?

Now, older and wiser I realize they had the right idea.  They balanced being there most of their time to still having a social life and doing things for themselves.  Oh, if I could turn back the clock.....

[jill1963]

Pooh,
Yes i agree, i think so too if i could turn back the clock, i would possibly do a little more for myself, you are right it is all about balance, and i think i was out of balance. :-)

Jillx

[juju68]

I agree with you both...balance was one thing I did not have.. in fact my daughter and her wants and needs always came before me. I was thinking last night and I remember my ex telling me you have got to quit putting your daughter on a pedastool and do something for yourself. I only wish I would have listened then. I know I was not a perfect mother but I tried to show her how much I love her and told her everynight..but even after the mean things she has done and said I was still there for her. I will not have another child as I had a hysterectomy because her dad beat me so bad however I will tell evryone I know do not throw yourself aside just for your kids...I am so irritated that these selfish kids can treat us like this. I betcha the gks treat their parents the same way. I wonder what I would say if my grandaughter asked why I was not in her life..because I know my daughter would lie to her. I had to finish cleaning out all the nursery stuff that I had in my house and my gosh was it hard...people tell me dont lose hope..well I have lost all hope in my daughter she is a mean spiteful child.....sorry ladies got to rambling again.....Have to get to class now hope you all have a great day!!!

[Pen]

They can smell guilt and will work it if you let them. The trick, apparently, is to not feel guilty about taking time for yourself. I'm finally learning but at this point it's a bit "barn door/horse" IYKWIM.

[herbalescapes]

The problem is these darn kids don't come with instruction manuals!  If only it were as easy as doing A then B then C and being guaranteed a healthy, well-adjusted child.  What constitutes good parenting changes with the times and geography and each kid.  What one kid finds neglectful and therefore resents you another would find smothering and therefore resents you.  You can only do the best you can.

Good luck with school.  You said counseling didn't work; was that couseling for you and DD?  You might want to try counseling for yourself, not to resolve the situation, but to learn how to deal with the situation in a healthy way. 

[juju68]

Counseling didn't work for me..I am really struggling and I am trying hard to keep on moving but it is so hard. I am just numb nowadays I just want it to get better...It has been 4 months today since I have seen my granddaughter yet the "new mom" See's her daily and gets the joy....omg I am sick of it I go to bed thinking of it and get up thinking of it...what can I do