So, apparently DS sent a long email on Valentine's Day. (Just got it this morning because I have a filter set that hides his emails among all my other ones, and makes it hard for me to read them unless I specifically search on his email address. Haven't done that for a couple of months, until today.) In it, he told me how poorly he's sleeping and how bad he feels, and tells me he wants to "come home." He says he still doesn't understand why he was made to leave, and feels "punished for something I don't understand".
"DS-Name, I love you very much, and I'm sorry that you are hurt and feel stuck. I know you don't agree with my asking you to move out. Moving back in with me, though, is not an option. You may not remember the chaos and the behaviors that led me to decide to ask you to leave, but I certainly still do. I love you, and I want you to have a happy life that you can enjoy and be proud of, but living with me isn't going to be part of that. I understand if you are angry with me about that.
Tell me about what you're doing now. The last I knew you're working at FastFoodPlace, and from your facebook it looks like you're seeing someone. She seems nice. -Mom"
I wasn't even briefly tempted to have him come back up here. The thought of having him live with me makes me feel anxious, nauseated and trapped. So, it's not going to happen. At this point, I'm truly ok with him being angry with me. I just don't have the energy to involve him in my daily life beyond email, and I'm getting a little sick of explaining to him over and over again why the living-with-mom ship has permanently sailed. Ugh. I know this is all part of the dance, but can I just say how completely angry and disappointed I am that he is trying to guilt and manipulate me into taking him back in? Zero attempt at taking ownership of his own stuff. Pure playing-the-victim and wanting to twist my arm by telling me how much he's suffering. That, more than anything, tells me nothing's changed and I made the right decision. Still irks me, however. I wish I could wave a magic wand and he could poof into self-awareness and maturity.