Adopted estranged daughter and my son causing social exclusion and isolation.

[Freeasabird]

Hi you will probably not believe this but i have become aware over past few years that my adopted daughter has been working behind my back to cause pain and distress. She and i have not spoken for years and although she left good age sixteen she stayed very close socially living just around corner but playing games. She seems to have a personality disorder whereby she manager to convince others i am the one selecting her and she is very clever. My middle son who is now twenty one began to see her alot and she seems to have a hold over him. It seems she has this vendetta against me and i am not allowed to resolve it or live a life. She takes friends and acquaintances away by going to them and spinning takes of my abuse and eventually i moved away. Ithought she would then get on with her life. my heart broke to lord her and my son i probably was not good mother but i was not as bad as they make out. I felt suicidal and am depressed. I have two younger and one older son. For them i keep going. But only just at the minute. How do i live with this pain.

[2chickiebaby]

Hi you will probably not believe this but i have become aware over past few years that my adopted daughter has been working behind my back to cause pain and distress. She and i have not spoken for years and although she left good age sixteen she stayed very close socially living just around corner but playing games. She seems to have a personality disorder whereby she manager to convince others i am the one selecting her and she is very clever. My middle son who is now twenty one began to see her alot and she seems to have a hold over him. It seems she has this vendetta against me and i am not allowed to resolve it or live a life. She takes friends and acquaintances away by going to them and spinning takes of my abuse and eventually i moved away. Ithought she would then get on with her life. my heart broke to lord her and my son i probably was not good mother but i was not as bad as they make out. I felt suicidal and am depressed. I have two younger and one older son. For them i keep going. But only just at the minute. How do i live with this pain.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  How sad to have this with your kids.  Sometimes I wonder if they're worth it and
I know they really are.  I have a friend who adopted a daughter and to this day, she has been nothing but trouble.  I
think adopted children come with their own set of problems.  You see others who are adopted and all goes well.

I know that someone on here will be able to help a lot better than I could....hang with us. 

[dirtyglassgrl]

Hang in there hon, I know it is easier said than done but you can get through this.  Get on the phone asap and get into a counselors office for yourself.  You can get over anything if you try.  I just know that getting some good counseling for your own piece of mind will set your heart at ease.  If you can not get into a counselors due to insurance or money I can point you to some sites that will get you some with little or no cost.  Take a breath and do things one day at a time

[Hope]

Good advise, dirtyglassgrl.  Freeasabird, I posted something to you earlier, but it was lost .  I also wrote that it would be good to get counseling.  You are in a good place with lots of support.  Others have posted similar stories and I'm sure they will be coming through soon to lift you up.  Help is on the way......
Hugs, Hope

[Freeasabird]

Thank i am in a very sad place at present but determined  to heal somehow. This is not Like me. But it killed something inside all this loss.

[cremebrulee]

I to, am sorry to read of your despair and troubles...I would firmly suggest, like the others have, , you get yourself into counseling...right now, your mental outlook is so important! 

You cannot control your children, however, you CAN control how you think and feel. 

No one can know the pain your going thru, however, we do know, that right now your first and formost. 

I'm wondering if you work?  If you don't, I would try and pick up something to keep your mind occupied.  Or get going on joining a group of which you could explore a hobby you might enjoy learning about....some kind of classes, such as gardening, knitting, sewing, swimming lessons, the gym, but do something for you....

I'd really like to hear more about you, what you enjoy doing...who you are, and what you do for stress relief....you cannot change the past, but you can change the now, today in how you feel about yourself....you are a very significant person and have a journey to complete in this world...don't allow anyone to interfer with your happiness...life is meant to enjoy and love, it is a gift...productive outlets right now are very important for you.

Come into this forum when you need to, to vent, and allow these ladies to comfort you and offer some supportive suggestions which may help.  This is an excellent place, I'm glad your here....

Take one day at a time...

[Freeasabird]

All the part few years have worn me down. I actuallydo think i am recovering from post traumatic stress. My ex daughter i call her that as she is a stranger. She has systematically targeted my  previous friends and neighbours. I moved because  could not unravel all the strands Of manipulation that she wove around me. I am a private person and it hurt as she spread such lies. It was a nightmare. Anyway it set off my depression and i could not get many people to believe me. It touched so many areas of my life. At my childrens. School she got one of her friends to turn people against me.  I am 44 i grew up in care so i felt i should try and help a child by adopting but this child became Like a cuckoo in the nest. She did not bond but festered. I did not see the depth of her pain and dysfunction. by time i realised it was too late. I believe she is verge on obsessed with taking my life away as i eventually put my foot down and rejected her hands and control. She controled me for years. Who could believe a mother would be scared of her daughter. She is 25 and very clever. Emotionally she runs rings around me. So now i am exhausted i feel Like i am not really here alot of the time. i try to write and i have decided to learn as much about narcisstic people as i can. I had counselling a bit and t did help some. It was so good to have someone listen. My family are too ill or dead so i have to this alone. I hang on for my two amazing younger children and my eldest son he is lovely boy but lives far. He has his life. I live small village in Wales. I am very isolated. I have garden where i try to do some planting and i awake sometimes. But i am becoming panicky and Agraphobic. I dont feel Like me anymore.

[2chickiebaby]

All the part few years have worn me down. I actuallydo think i am recovering from post traumatic stress. My ex daughter i call her that as she is a stranger. She has systematically targeted my  previous friends and neighbours. I moved because  could not unravel all the strands Of manipulation that she wove around me. I am a private person and it hurt as she spread such lies. It was a nightmare. Anyway it set off my depression and i could not get many people to believe me. It touched so many areas of my life. At my childrens. School she got one of her friends to turn people against me.  I am 44 i grew up in care so i felt i should try and help a child by adopting but this child became Like a cuckoo in the nest. She did not bond but festered. I did not see the depth of her pain and dysfunction. by time i realised it was too late. I believe she is verge on obsessed with taking my life away as i eventually put my foot down and rejected her hands and control. She controled me for years. Who could believe a mother would be scared of her daughter. She is 25 and very clever. Emotionally she runs rings around me. So now i am exhausted i feel Like i am not really here alot of the time. i try to write and i have decided to learn as much about narcisstic people as i can. I had counselling a bit and t did help some. It was so good to have someone listen. My family are too ill or dead so i have to this alone. I hang on for my two amazing younger children and my eldest son he is lovely boy but lives far. He has his life. I live small village in Wales. I am very isolated. I have garden where i try to do some planting and i awake sometimes. But i am becoming panicky and Agraphobic. I dont feel Like me anymore.

I wanted to tell you how sorry I am Free....I hope someone here can help.  It is a terrible time in your life and you need
comfort right now.  Sending a hug to you.   

[Pen]

Free, I'm thinking of you. I've known other people in a similar situation to yours and it is truly devastating and heartbreaking. You do need to take good care of yourself now, with counseling or your faith or body work or whatever. This site is good for support, and sometimes real change happens through the process of telling our stories. Best wishes. Lean on us, OK?

[Freeasabird]

Thank you chick hugs were a rarity in my life so appreciated now. I must concentrate on positives right now my youngest daughter sleeps in my arms she is beautiful. I will try rush all else away. I read some threads and not everyone has children to hold. At least i have my two younger ones. 

[2chickiebaby]

Bless you, Free.  Thinking of you....keep with us.

[Freeasabird]

I will post here so he anyone else ever has a similar experience to me can possibly learn from my mistakes . Well i took on more than i should have with my adopted d and now i reaps the  bitter harvest. I cant take time back but i will write cause that will let the pain out.