Yesterday I found this wonderful forum and read so many heart wrenching posts that mirrored my own problems with 2 AC. I posted a thread soon afterwards to share my story.
I'm posting this new thread because just days after cutting myself off from both my AC, I am beginning to feel like 100 clouds have lifted. It may not be a permanent cut off, I'm sure they will be back. But it's giving me time out to revise how the cycle of how my relationship with my children works and how I can change the rules so that they can't come back and treat me so badly.
The main thing is, my focus has moved from a painful situation & heavy heart to one of feeling much less burdened. I know they're OK, they are always OK. They are both so selfish that they make sure they are just fine. I need to make sure I'm OK now so this is my new focus.
Today, I went shopping and treated myself to a new book that I'd been wanting to read. In 4 days time, it's my birthday. I know I won't receive any birthday wishes from my AC, they will be busy sulking. So I took my lovely husband to a jewellers and showed him several items that I would love to receive. He struggles to choose on his own and would feel bad if he thought he'd made a wrong choice. Normally I'd be grateful to receive anything but today I thought I'd give him some pointers. I know I'll receive a lovely gift on my birthday and my darling husband will be so happy knowing he got it right.
I feel 100% lighter & brighter knowing my heart isn't going to sink when I opened my inbox and find a verbal slapping from my AD. She can't send me those kinds of emails anymore. I can't see my AC on FB and what's more important, they can't see me. I've vanished into happy oblivion.
Obviously they have my telephone number and know they could contact me if there was a serious problem. But I've stopped all the game playing, the unkind messages, the taunts and the cruel tirade of how useless a mother I am because I don't do what they want. At 27 & 30, they both can manage without me if I am so bad.
The silence is bliss! I am growing brighter, I can feel myself shining and starting to feel calm. Tonight I am attending a New Year bash (in England) and I'm getting dressed up!!! I am! I work in designer fashion but for years, my kids have weighed me down with so much pain, I haven't felt like making an effort.
Tonight, I feel re energised and almost excited. I know this new unburdened feeling & love of life is only going to grow.
Making the decision to cut yourself off from your offspring is incredibly hard. We are mothers so of course, out natural instinct is to nuture and love our kids unconditionally. But when they treat you so badly when your prime emotion on a daily basis is one of pain, you have to change the dynamics if nothing else just to preserve yourself.
My AC have just had the biggest shock of their lives. I've resigned from being their verbal punchbag. Now their lives are their own responsibilty.
I would urge all you mothers going through the same hell that I've endured for 15 years now, to step back, disappear for a while and reconnect with your own sense of value & purpose. You deserve it. xxxx
