I feel like I' m on a roller coaster.

[luise.volta]

My take is still to let it go, Nik. Let him grow up and solve his own issues without sharing them with you. I feel he needs to do life without mommy. It isn't yours. It's his. It seems to me that focusing on your cruise could be a good distraction. Pass on the "he said, she said, they said." Let it/him go.
Sending love...

[nikncon]

Thanks Luise.I will do the best that I can.One question.When he calls do I tell him that I don't want to hear about this problem anymore? Would that not turn him away feeling that he really has no one who cares? I don ' t know how you would handle this.Any suggestions? Hugs.

[luise.volta]

You're the only one who can answer that, Nik. One way to start creating new patterns is to say something like, "I'm here if you need to talk about it but I don't have a clue what you should do." And then refrain from judgmental comments like, "I agree with you" and "Did she/they really say that?" etc. You just listen and say stuff like "Hummm..." and "Got it." It's not easy because you can't help but have strong opinions but it's his lesson…and therefore, his to figure out. Doing that might start you moving away from co-denpendency…if that's what is going on. You'll be able to tell. And as always, my take is just one person's perspective.

When I dump a bunch of personal stuff on my son because I want to be heard (and would love to have him agree with me)…he answers something like…"I read all of that, Mom and am tracking with you." LOL!

[Pooh]

My DH will say, "I hear ya!" when I am complaining about work or something.  I figured out a long time ago it was his way of saying, "I'm not ignoring you but I really need to wash the motorcycle."

[Doe]

Thanks Luise.I will do the best that I can.One question.When he calls do I tell him that I don't want to hear about this problem anymore? Would that not turn him away feeling that he really has no one who cares? I don ' t know how you would handle this.Any suggestions? Hugs.

Nik, if he called to ask you which condoms to use for the most sensation, how would you handle that?  There are some subjects that moms just don't have to get into with their sons.   How about just changing the subject?  If he presses, just tell him that he's not going to find a wife if his mom is always there so he needs to move away from home base a little.  What he's doing isn't working so he needs to do something else.  I think too much sympathy for a person can be debilitating.

I would back away from the topic altogether because if they do get back together, you are the one who was against the relationship and they'll have reason to blame you for future problems. 

[nikncon]

Gotcha Pooh.DS called this morning.I asked about the weather back home.I listened ,made no comments and told him that I had to go because I was going shopping. Told him that I loved him.Is that better?Thanks Luise.I am trying very hard.I just want him to be happy.PS. He was returning the ring today as the jeweller is a family friend.Lucky for him!!!

[Pooh]

That was most excellent!

[luise.volta]

Progress!!!

[nikncon]

Thanks.Baby steps.