Good Morning WW,
I don't visit that often as I've been feeling sooo much better. I found this place when my relationship with DS was at its lowest and all the wise advice I received truly helped me free myself from the burden I was carrying.
Anyhoo, yesterday DS stopped by with a picture of the baby's sonogram. There he was in all his glory, still in the baking process. He had this big ole head :0), and I could see his little hands and bulging tummy and yet.....I felt disconnected. I mean here is this little baby, my very first grandchild, I could see his little hands and feet and I didn't feel like its grandmother.
This saddens me because it was not suppose to be this way. I had always dreamed of the day I would become a grandmother. You'd be surprised of all the things I've saved and collected in anticipation of being a wonderful, loving grandmother....and now...well, it's like my son is having a baby and I pray it's healthy and happy, but it's his baby. ..Not my grandbaby.
He says that he wants us to be a part of his son's life. That they've discussed it and that he will bring the baby by without her. Why do I not want that? Why doesn't that make me happy? It just feels so wrong. I just imagine all the negative energy that will surround each visit. The baby having to be tugged in the middle of this unnecessary drama. I told DS that I don't want him to do anything that will cause trouble in their relationship. I would rather the baby be happy and have peace than have to deal with this drama.
At thanksgiving hubby saw DS and asked him if he was going to do the usual family thanksgiving which is visit my aunt and than go to my MIL (his grandma) DS said he didn't know. To did hubby responded that he not bring FDIL. I was not pleased about this. I text DS and told him that she is to be the mother of his child and that made her family. I said that if she chose not to come it was her choice, but that she was welcome. She came. We talked casually. It was not as awkward as I imagined. I had hoped to start anew. I was willing to leave the ugliness behind. Apparently, she wasn't. She just doesn't see that she's done anything wrong and wants to fault me for everything. She doesn't know if she can trust me again. That's a two way street. I know how I treated her and I know I didn't deserve the way she treated me. She blamed what she did to me on DS. Said he told her to ignore me and because they were together and she felt she should listen to him. Oh well.
Anyway, although she's stuck on everything I said after she was cruel to me first, I still took it upon myself to send her one last text. I told her I know that I said things that were hurtful to her in anger and I was sorry ( I didn't mention all the mean hurtful things she said to me) I told her that I was reaching out to her and that maybe someday we can find a way to make peace with each other....She never replied.
On a brighter note...my youngest son and his GF have told me that she may be expecting and asked how would I feel about it. The situation is anything but ideal. Will tell more about that another time. She's gotten two positive results from home pregnancy test but is going to have it confirmed by a doctor before we call it official. But......now I feel like I'm gonna be a grandmother! I mean it's really not a good idea for them to be adding to the family. She has a five month old daughter by another man, they are both young, he recently lost a very good job, he lives at home, and she is still living with the father and his family. NOT IDEAL!!! But yet...I feel more connected to this baby that may not even exist than I do to the one that has been named Joel (pronounce Joelle) and already has tiny little hands and a bulging tummy....
I'm going to have two grandbabies (at least so it seems) and I'm only going to be allowed to be a true grandmother to one. What a sad and sorry situation.
