My oldest daughter I had a great relationship. When she married (she was pregnant) at age 24, she called me and came to visit often. I stayed with her for a few days after the birth of her first child and helped her. I felt friction from my new son-in-law, and we actually had a verbal altercation one evening after I went to the grocery store and prepared dinner. He yelled at me and I told my daughter than I did not feel welcome and was going home the next morning. She asked to come home with me for a few more days as she was still weak and needed help. I later found out my son-in-law was taking a lot of medication for bi-polar disorder and depression. He had sustained a workplace injury prior to the birth of my grandson, but while his physical condition seemed to have improved, his mental condition had not.
As the years went by, I saw them less and less. They moved further away and I was never invited to their home. I saw my grandson about a half a dozen times in 5 years when I found out my daughter was pregnant with another child. During those years, I begged her to tell me what I did to make her stay away from me...and to take my grandson so far away and never call me. Meanwhile, I sent cards for holidays, money, and gifts. I never missed a birthday or holiday for her, her husband and her son. I wrote letters, emails, and made calls, all in an effort to pull us together again. I cried buckets of tears. My husband and my parents (she was doing the same to my parents) said it was probably her husband's influence over her.
I called her several times a week while she was in her last months of pregnancy with her 2nd child because she was hospitalized for for six weeks. I actually spoke to her just a few days prior to the birth of my granddaughter and she never told me that she was scheduled for a C-Section in 4 days. The next time I called, the room phone rang and rang...and I finally called the desk. They had no record of my daugher. They did have the baby in the nursery. My daugher had her baby, and never bothered to tell me. I found out from a nurse that I had a granddaugher and she congratulated me.
My daugher and son-in-law divorced...and I thought she would change and try to connect with me again. I found out it was not my son-in-law keeping her away. In fact, the only things he knew about me, he learned or heard from her.
She still lives far away. My granchildren are 15 and 9 years old. About 6 months ago, she told me that it is difficult to have a relationship with me...so, I told her that I didn't want to cause her 'difficultly', so I now do not call, write, email, send gifts or money. I feel terrible, but I've not heard from her...so, I assume that she is happy with that decision.
During the last 15 years, I've bent over backwards to help her. I helped to financially support her after her divorce, while she went back to school to finish her degree. This was a request from her, for me to send her money to help. I told her to sell her home and buy something within her budget. I was wrong to offer advice instead of money. She is now 39 years old.
I guess my question would be...do adult childen grow out of this type of behavior or has that ship sailed?
My grandchildren sound like neat kids. I wish I was allowed to be a part of their life. I wish I knew them. Does that hurt ever go away?
To my knowledge, I have done nothing that would warrant this type of behavior.
