Author Topic: Inside information from the other side  (Read 836 times)

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Offline Doe

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Inside information from the other side
« on: December 17, 2011, 07:09:00 AM »
I was talking to a 40 something yo friend yesterday and asked if he was going to spend Christmas with his mom.  She lives alone in a town 30 minutes away.  He said he didn't know, since it would be just the 2 of them the idea was depressing. 

Depressing! 

That's it - they don't want us to be depressing!

I doubt that he would say that to his mom's face, but I thought she would really benefit from knowing how her son felt - that is, if she wanted to see him and he didn't visit.

Just thought I'd pass that along.



Offline Ruth

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2011, 07:25:16 AM »
This doesn't surprise me in the least.  We are living in the ME generation, if it doesn't make me feel good, don't do it.  I would say, well he is just missing out.  He could have the most wonderful Christmas ever, giving of himself and sharing special memories with his Mom.  But frankly I don't even think that would be the case.  He'd just be bored...

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2011, 07:43:47 AM »
What a wus.  There are so many things that could be done with two people to have a wonderful Christmas.  I'm sure there were times when being his mother was tiresome, expensive, aggravating and depressing.

I for one hope he does her a favour and spares her the pain of being the cause of his depression on Christmas Day.  Maybe she has a cat or a dog who wouldn't mind spending the day with her.

"Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will"
Noel M. Tichy

Offline Doe

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2011, 07:50:31 AM »
LOL - I knew that would get a rise here. 


Offline firelight

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2011, 07:52:31 AM »
I think he's choosing a thing he will regret.  Mom won't be around forever and he'll wish she were one day.

You are so right, Ruth!  It truly is the Me generation.  I think we may all be screwed in the help dept. when we're old.

I think the idea of leaving her home alone or spending it alone himself is even more depressing than choosing to spend it with his mom...what's a couple hours to him?

Hmmmf!

Rotten kids anyway.




firelight

Offline Ruth

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2011, 08:24:38 AM »
They don't always regret it.  Its a good lesson to us however, not to wait around for the time an ungrateful and pitiless adult child comes to the 'regretting it' stage of their lives in order for us to begin moving on.  While I believe that 'whatsoever a man's soweth, that shall he also reap.'  but maybe in your lifetime, maybe not.

Offline Pen

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2011, 08:36:24 AM »
I agree, Ruth.

I have known all along that DS & DIL see DH & I in that light. Our home is "depressing" compared to the spend-fest that is going on at the IL's. Gee, I was so naive raising my kids - I thought providing a loving, interesting, supportive home was enough. D-oh!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Doe

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2011, 08:51:28 AM »
I take this as all the more reason to not tie our own happiness (holiday or otherwise) to our children.

Offline Ruth

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2011, 09:00:57 AM »
My DS 'came' for Christmas the past few years, but he made it very clear he was bored when the festivities weren't in full swing, and I jumped through rings like a poodle trying to make people happy and help them have a good time.  I cried myself to sleep or laid awake staring at the ceiling with insomnia.  I cooked and decorated myself too death.  I'm really done with all that.   I realize I'm not an exciting lady, and I don't have a party house.  I give love and the best I have to give to my family.   I didn't invite DS this year, so I don't know what will happen,  I"m sending a card and that's all.  Whoever does come for a meal on Christmas eve has been told or will be told that we go to Christmas eve service at 8:30 p.m.   

Shelby

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2011, 09:04:39 AM »
I agree, Ruth.

I have known all along that DS & DIL see DH & I in that light. Our home is "depressing" compared to the spend-fest that is going on at the IL's. Gee, I was so naive raising my kids - I thought providing a loving, interesting, supportive home was enough. D-oh!

No, Pen, I would consider your home and celebrations to be authentic, not depressing.  I would consider your IL's celebrations to be shallow, materialistic and frankly quite meaningless. 

Not that your ILs are the Kardashians, but has anyone ever seen a more meaningless ceremony than the recent wedding? (for the marriage that's already in divorce court).  Same principles apply to Christmas, etc. 

Yes, Pen, providing a loving, interesting supportive home IS enough.  Your son will get it.  Someday.  Your DIL may never.  But don't doubt yourself.

sesamejane

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2011, 09:45:51 AM »
Yes money is quite the enticer.  My children have occasionally spent xmas with me.  I think about twice in the last 10 years, since they had the choice.  I likewise got the feeling they were bored.  Oh well.  My sister is coming this Christmas and that will be fun.  I will go to xmas eve services and watch "it's a wonderful life."  Whatever happened to that family?  Hmmm...

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2011, 01:43:29 PM »
They don't always regret it.  Its a good lesson to us however, not to wait around for the time an ungrateful and pitiless adult child comes to the 'regretting it' stage of their lives in order for us to begin moving on.  While I believe that 'whatsoever a man's soweth, that shall he also reap.'  but maybe in your lifetime, maybe not.

I think you are right......I have seen some posts on some boards that coach younger people to hang around long enough for the inheritance money. 

"Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will"
Noel M. Tichy

sesamejane

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #12 on: December 18, 2011, 01:55:27 AM »
yuck

Offline Begonia

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #13 on: December 18, 2011, 10:25:06 AM »
Well, this is a great time in the year to think about who your money or treasures will go to.  I have a friend who came over last night for pizza.  I don't see him often but I had knit him a hat. (He's a poor grad student). You would have thought I had given him the rainbow.  He did not take it off even all the while we talked and had pizza.  He was just thrilled.  It was fun for me to see that.

I still have not heard anything from my DS about the package of goodies and gift card I sent at the beginning of the month.  And I am not mad about that and did not do it to expect any thanks, but want to illustrate the differences in gratefulness. 

So get those inheritances in order, WW.  I am very glad I have done that. 

And yes, Doe, my place would probably not be filled with gifts or a tree or useless stuff that people unwrap and throw out.  Once I stopped all that, like Ruth says...(I was you Ruth, killing myself while everyone else watched TV), then all visits stopped too.

(as an aside about the ME generation). I asked my OGD if she had ideas on where I could take her for college grad in May.  I suggested some trips that were, I felt, moderate.  She sends back a note asking if we can go to NYC like I took her mom (when she was 35).  Nah, I wasn't planning on spending that kind of money.  Sorry, honey. Yup, ME generation no conscience about $$$ at all.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

dvg

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Re: Inside information from the other side
« Reply #14 on: December 18, 2011, 08:12:52 PM »
I'm seriously thinking about instead of getting another gift for my ungrateful DD, giving the money to the foodbank instead.  She did come here for semester break, but just stopped off long enough to drop off her stuff, and now is off with the drug addict half brother who treats her like dirt. 

Yes, if I have anything when my time comes, some of it is going to go to my favorite charities, where I know it will do some good. 

 

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