Our outing went well for the most part except for when I first got to my DD's & SIL's place.
I had forgotten my cell phone (something I never do) and I use that to call before I show up so DD can be ready and she just comes out to the car when we're going somewhere. Well, I had to go knock on the door and someone else living there let me in. (It's a house with a lot of rooms for rent in it). I went to DD's room and SIL yells out, "who is it?" I said it was me and that I had forgotten my cell and I'll wait in the car. DD said she was almost ready and opened the door......only for me to see the room (I've seen it before and it's about the size of a bedroom) filled with cigarette smoke and my precious GD getting packed into her carseat in a cloud of smoke....no window cracked....just a room filled with smoke and the door shut. I arrived just in time to see my SIL putting out his cigarette and I wanted to fly across the room and choke him amongst other things. The room looked like several ciggs were smoked, not just one be even 1 in a small room is way too much with no ventilation (or even with ventilation). How can he not get his lazy butt off the bed to crack a window and blow the smoke outdoors at the very least or actually go outside for Pete's sake? I can hardly stand the sight of him. We don't speak to each other anymore and if I wouldn't have forgotten my cell, I wouldn't have even known about the smoke filled environment or had to see him (except my GD's clothes smelled like smoke the past few times I had her). I decided to just go ahead and take the baby out to the car and wait for DD to come out. uuuggghhhh. I said I wasn't going to say anything motherly but I couldn't believe the amount of smoke in that little room....I could barely breathe myself just standing there at the door. They both used to go outside to smoke when GD was first born....so what has transpired between then and the 11 mos she turned just today? I was so disgusted to put it mildly. In fact, anything I could type here would be insufficient for the way I feel about this situation.
The nurse that I am (and Grandma) could not restrain herself and did "mention" (nicely as I could muster) to DD that the baby cannot remain healthy under all the smoking conditions and SIL and herself should be going outside to smoke. I cannot believe I had to even say anything. Do they not have a brain between the 2 of them (DD & SIL)? You cannot have smokers and a closed door with no ventilation in a room the size of a bedroom. I want to pound my head against the wall.....or poke myself in the eye....something! DD said they "usually do" but I don't believe it.
The last 2 times I had GD to spend the night she had a cold and an occasional cough. Mostly cold symptoms I thought but now I know why. Can the baby come up for air already? Today GD coughed a couple times but her runny nose wasn't as bad as it was last time I had her. She was actually very happy with the exception of that. I did mention "hear that cough? It's a smoker's cough." I couldn't stop myself. So, I failed in that dept. today, even though I kept my "reins" on. I cannot just sit there and watch this stupidity carry on without saying something on behalf the GD. I was livid inside and tried my best to keep my thoughts to myself for the remainder of the day.
We actually enjoyed our shopping day together and we got the GK's a Christmas. It will cut in on DD and SIL's Christmas for certain and I'm perfectly fine with that. Spent too much and even though the GK's Christmas is slim, it's better than nothing. (my thought is why the cigarettes remain when no one can provide a minimal normal life for the family?)
We had a nice lunch at Ponderosa and ate hearty and had nice conversation. DD told me "This is really nice, Mom." And told me she loved me a few times today also which I said in return and dearly meant it. I do love her so much. I am trying to leave my heart and door open for her and really kept some things I wanted to say to myself. Other than my comments about the smoking, all the rest of the day was light-hearted.
My no-good SIL called toward the end of our lunch wondering when is DD coming back home. All he thinks about is himself...no one else. Still no attempts to find work. I despise him. I'm so sorry to be saying this. I never wanted a divorce for my DD but under the circumstances, this would not break my heart. I feel horrible for thinking this way, but why lie about it.
The first thing I bought today before we even started shopping for the reason we were out was a small air purifier for about $50. It was the cheapest one they had. My DH would be so upset (if he knew) but I am only thinking about GD. I will tell him eventually but these things have to be done delicately.
I know I probably shouldn't have bought the GK's Christmas (not talking about my small gifts but the Christmas from DD and SIL). I can't bear to think of them not having one, and even though I provided very little I think it's better than nothing. Now I don't want to sound I went and did it and now complaining about it because I wanted to do it if they cannot....however, I am thinking for next year though if things haven't improved in their living conditions (because it is by choice they are on skid row ....hence: there is no urgency on SIL's part to find work.) then the GK's will just have to go without and I'm going to have to painfully turn my cheek. I know I should have done it this year but I just couldn't. SIL & DD can explain why there's no Christmas. I'll let my DD know this in so many gentle words if and when the time comes. Fair warning.
At the very end of the day I actually lovingly offered for DD and GD to stay with us until things get better for them to keep GD out of all that smoke. (even though DD tells me she & SIL "usually" go outside or open a window, I believe it not or I wouldn't have walked into what I did today and it would be happening.) I know DD probably won't move back in (we just went down that road and she was here for about a month and then chose to go be holed up with lazy SIL in that "house"), but she said she appreciated that. And there I go again...saying stuff I said I wouldn't and tried not to. I should get some duct tape for my mouth. My new user name instead of "firelight" should be: "me and my big mouth".
After our day I came home and showered and attended a pre-planned nice musical type show locally with some girlfriends. It was a great show that were singers singing a lot of beautiful Christmas songs. The show injected some humor which was helpful. We loved it and I really needed it after today to just forget about the bad parts for just a few hours.
