I know this is off the subject bc the subject is really about discrepancy in MILs love for her own children and also for the spouses...... it's so taxing on the heart to wonder what to get someone who is hostile or uncaring in return. So much drama.
When we were raising our children, I was working full time and doing most of the housework, buying gifts for both sides of the family (a huge task.) Finally, thank the Lord, dh's family said they were strapped for cash and could only afford gifts for their own children; I think we embarrassed them when we bought gifts for their kids; we readily agreed and it was so great and still is, seeing them on Christmas with no gifts to worry about!
On my side of the family, we gave gifts to all (small family) and then reduced it to a drawing except to give gifts to the kids and my mother. Later my sil said let's forget gifts altogether bc it's too hard w so many children entering into the family; again a relief! And Christmas was still great! No kids hurrying us up to open gifts, just having fun together.
As for bday gifts, we gradually stopped giving gifts to each other in my family except to my mother (dad deceased.) Again, a relief, timewise and financially.
That has been a huge relief on gifts!
Cards: dh's family for the most part don't do cards (stamps/cards expense, time spent); we phone if not together. Sil doesn't do cards on my side of the family. That's Christmas. We now just send bday cards to our children/gc/my side of the family bc they want to.....
So.... gifts are now just in our immediate family but if it weren't for dil wanting lots of gifts exchange, I'd go for a drawing and just get gifts for the children. We older ones don't really want to get/give gifts anyway.....
To make a long story a little less long, a lot of the drama can be spared if all adults could agree to not give gifts or cards! I know how busy young families are with their own household! Sometimes I send a card to a relative but if time runs out, I don't.
Our decision to cut short the gift-giving was due to finances and time, not hurt feelings.
But in these cases I'm reading, it's a lot of drama and hurt; I'm wondering if just skipping the cards (maybe a gradual thing) and just giving gifts to the kids (and even a drawing there) would work?
I know I sound like a Scrooge, but it's taken years to get to this "less is more" stage where we are all content w skipping gifts for the adults except for our 2 kids and their spouses and their children. (We drew names before Mom died but we all gave to her bc Dad was gone.)
Now if I could convince dil to do a drawing I'd be ecstatic bc I enjoy giving gifts to the children but to the adults it's just a hassle; no one will come up w an idea and the cost is hefty; I know my sons would be happy with this bc they don't do the work on it and the other dil who gets stuck with buying the gifts for all of us and also for her family.... a big chore.
To me, gifts for the kids is a given (although it can get out of hand.) But the true gift giving to me at Christmas is connected to my belief system, not to all and sundry! (And for adults, for bdays, they'd just as soon skip the date or celebrate w the immediate family!)
