Progress

[Hope]

Reading different posts on this site has given me a new outlook on my relationship with ds and dil.  I realize now that it could be a lot worse and I do have the opportunity to see them when our family gets together for holidays and birthdays.  They still don't answer my calls or initiate calls, but I have a new appreciation for the visits we do have.  I'm still learning and you are all helping me to see things from another perspective.  I feel "HOPE" from ideas I have gathered from your posts on different topics.  Since my dil is expecting, I think I'll send some flowers to her like couponlady's mil did with a card that has a loving sentiment something like her mil said, "I can't wait for you to become a mother so you will know what love truely means!  I love you!".  I loved reading the nice things that her exmil and Luise's mil did.  This week I referred some co-workers to my dil's hair studio and someone already made an appointment with her and another is seriously considering.  Supporting her this way makes me feel good and I have good reason to think it makes her feel good too!  Keep the good vibes coming, friends.  It is so uplifting!

[Marilyn]

Hope,I just read that story today about couponlady.I think that is a great idea,about sending her flowers with a card,like she did.That was a great story.I'm glad you are feeling better about your situation with son and DIL.And truly wishing you,lots of better times to look forward too.

keep us posted,i just love hearing the good news of relationships working out.

[luise.volta]

I think it's totally amazing that a forum that allows us to face and share our deepest traumas is uplifting! And it is!!

[cremebrulee]

awwww Hope, I'm so very happy for you...so very happy!  And I do so appreciate your post...it's such a joy to see this happen, I cannot tell you!  Keep on keepin on...and I hope you don't mind but one suggestion...

What I've learned about my DIL is, she is very independent and not kissy face huggy bear...and thats perfectly fine...I love her just the way she is...however, I don't want to push her, so I've decided to let her take the lead...and when she feels comfortable she will....but it must be her decission and not mine, as I don't want to push myself on her....I will call her from time to time...to find out how she is doing, however...I'm not going to smother her, and I'm not saying you are....just wanted to thrrow some ideas your way...

I think she's going to love the flowers...that was so nice of you to do HOPE...(want my address?)  LOL

It is so wonderful to see this happen Hope...and when you can, maybe it would be great if you could post or start a thread listing or explaining all the things that turned you around....it might give us all food for thought?  If you don't want to, that's fine to...maybe someday down the road...?

I pray your relationship keeps growing and growing...thank you for sharing...
Creme

[Hope]

MIW, Luise, and Creme - Thanks for your responses.  I don't think the situation has changed - but my attitude has.  This website has really helped me to look at things differently.  I appreciate any advice you can give me and I am taking to heart the suggestion Creme gave me about allowing dil to take the lead.  I stopped calling her at least a year ago (maybe two years ago) - with a few exceptions.  It makes sense to take a step back - it's hard for me to do, but your encouragement helps.  Reading what other mil's have gone through is like getting hit in the head by a 2x4 (is that you, Orly?).  What others are going through makes my situation seem petty.  I have a feeling I am going to need a lot more help when our gc comes this summer.  Oh boy, hold on tight - I don't want to be negative, but the realistic side of me knows visits will be scarce.  Be thankful for what you have, Hope.  Thanks for helping me to see that my dil isn't really as difficult as I thought.  I want us to be a 'whole' family so bad that I am being too pushy. 
Love you all, Hope

[cremebrulee]

MIW, Luise, and Creme - Thanks for your responses.  I don't think the situation has changed - but my attitude has.  This website has really helped me to look at things differently.  I appreciate any advice you can give me and I am taking to heart the suggestion Creme gave me about allowing dil to take the lead.  I stopped calling her at least a year ago (maybe two years ago) - with a few exceptions.  It makes sense to take a step back - it's hard for me to do, but your encouragement helps.  Reading what other mil's have gone through is like getting hit in the head by a 2x4 (is that you, Orly?).  What others are going through makes my situation seem petty.  I have a feeling I am going to need a lot more help when our gc comes this summer.  Oh boy, hold on tight - I don't want to be negative, but the realistic side of me knows visits will be scarce.  Be thankful for what you have, Hope.  Thanks for helping me to see that my dil isn't really as difficult as I thought.  I want us to be a 'whole' family so bad that I am being too pushy. 
Love you all, Hope

Yanno Hope, when I changed my attitude, things started getting better...it's a long road, we humans can be so stubborn....however, I think and really believe your on the right track...and, there is always HOPE....

Love you to, thank you

Creme

[SunnyDays09]

MIW, Luise, and Creme - Thanks for your responses.  I don't think the situation has changed - but my attitude has.  This website has really helped me to look at things differently.  I appreciate any advice you can give me and I am taking to heart the suggestion Creme gave me about allowing dil to take the lead.  I stopped calling her at least a year ago (maybe two years ago) - with a few exceptions.  It makes sense to take a step back - it's hard for me to do, but your encouragement helps.  Reading what other mil's have gone through is like getting hit in the head by a 2x4 (is that you, Orly?).  What others are going through makes my situation seem petty.  I have a feeling I am going to need a lot more help when our gc comes this summer.  Oh boy, hold on tight - I don't want to be negative, but the realistic side of me knows visits will be scarce.  Be thankful for what you have, Hope.  Thanks for helping me to see that my dil isn't really as difficult as I thought.  I want us to be a 'whole' family so bad that I am being too pushy. 
Love you all, Hope

Hi Hope - I am an oldie here but havent posted and felt I wanted to share. 
  You have the best attitude and you look at things from all sides.  That is good.  I can see how you want to just share your heart with them and won't hover or offer advice. 
   She is probably just wanting to find her place too.  Your kindness and warm heart will win her over I am sure.  Just always be there as much as you can when they need and let them know.
   The card with the flowers can say that too.  That you are there if they need - or even if she needs an ear.  I am sure she has so many questions about the new baby. 
   Congratulations and hope for wonderfulness to you and your family!! 

[luise.volta]

Oh, Happy! How wonderful to see you! I've really missed you!!!!! Sending love!  )

[Hope]

Hi Hope - I am an oldie here but havent posted and felt I wanted to share. 
  You have the best attitude and you look at things from all sides.  That is good.  I can see how you want to just share your heart with them and won't hover or offer advice. 
   She is probably just wanting to find her place too.  Your kindness and warm heart will win her over I am sure.  Just always be there as much as you can when they need and let them know.
   The card with the flowers can say that too.  That you are there if they need - or even if she needs an ear.  I am sure she has so many questions about the new baby. 
   Congratulations and hope for wonderfulness to you and your family!!
[/quote]

Thanks, Happy - Great idea to let them know we are here for them when they need us.   We really are ready to assist where ever we can, but don't always think to say so.  I can't help but think that they will see a side of me and my dh that they haven't seen yet when our dear gc is born.  Woooooohoooooo.  How has life been treating you lately?
Hugs, Hope

[Hope]

MIW, Luise, and Creme - Thanks for your responses.  I don't think the situation has changed - but my attitude has.  This website has really helped me to look at things differently.  I appreciate any advice you can give me and I am taking to heart the suggestion Creme gave me about allowing dil to take the lead.  I stopped calling her at least a year ago (maybe two years ago) - with a few exceptions.  It makes sense to take a step back - it's hard for me to do, but your encouragement helps.  Reading what other mil's have gone through is like getting hit in the head by a 2x4 (is that you, Orly?).  What others are going through makes my situation seem petty.  I have a feeling I am going to need a lot more help when our gc comes this summer.  Oh boy, hold on tight - I don't want to be negative, but the realistic side of me knows visits will be scarce.  Be thankful for what you have, Hope.  Thanks for helping me to see that my dil isn't really as difficult as I thought.  I want us to be a 'whole' family so bad that I am being too pushy. 
Love you all, Hope

Yanno Hope, when I changed my attitude, things started getting better...it's a long road, we humans can be so stubborn....however, I think and really believe your on the right track...and, there is always HOPE....

Love you to, thank you

Creme

Right on, Creme!  Attitude adjustments can cause good changes.  Thanks for caring.
Hugs, Hope