Coming Out

[lancaster lady]

As you are my closest friends , thought I would share with you my latest family news .

My eldest son is 35 and has just come out of the gay closet .( his words )
He has in the past had girlfriends , but is still single . He is so career orientated I never gave it another
thought that he was still single .Also this generation seem to waver the marriage certificate .
Anyway he came to visit me last weekend , he lives 200 miles away , and motored all the way
to stay for just two days . I thought a pre Christmas visit . However he stayed was quite subdued , and didn't
want to visit any of his relations . He left this morning quite happily after a very pleasant visit .
I received a text on his return home to say he really wanted to talk to me , but didn't know how .
My son and I have always been close , (I thought ) and could discuss anything .Obviously not .
Anyway , I am still quite, not shocked , but thoughtful about the whole thing .
I told him as long as he was happy , I am happy , but you know it's still a revelation .
Sweet boy , he told me he is still the same person , and will not change ...I love him for that .

Now you know how I feel about GK and am saying this in a selfish way ...he would have made an amazing daddy
and for that I am truly saddened .

Your thoughts ladies , as I have no one to talk to at this present moment .....and need a chat .

[Doe]

LL, you may still have GKs!  Some friends of mine are a gay couple and they plan to adopt one day.

I'm glad for you that he felt that he could tell you the truth and that you can accept him for who he is.  I imagine there is a lot of other stuff surrounding this revelation but I'm glad for that bottom line.

[amflautist]

LL, I would love to meet that son.  I already know he is kind, loving, gentle and has a great sense of humor.  The truth is: I LOVE gay men!!! 

My daughter has a room in a house owned by 2 gay men.  They have a 2-yr-old daughter.  (Product of the sperm of one of them + an egg donated by a gay woman.) 

Just to let you know that being gay doesn't preclude children. 

[lancaster lady]

Aww thankyou .......

I am just happy that he's happy , really , and the kids thing ...he's just soo good with them .
I just feel closer to him , now he's shared that with me .

Families , what will happen next ??

[luise.volta]

Your son sounds like a great person. Honesty is part of it and sharing is a sign that you did one heck of a good job. How the family reacts is about them. Fears will show up as rejection, if they are too strong.

My son and his lady have elected not to have children. They are nearing 60 and have been wonderful in providing stability to nieces and nephews. He is an ordained youth pastor and loves kids. The decision not to raise any of his own was conscious and personal and I have always respected that. No grands? OK. I am more interested in his fulfillment of what he came to do, how well his partnership is working and the depth of his life-experience. From the church he moved into counseling and from there into teaching on the Web and designing and redesigning Websites. I have watched him in awe. He lives by his standards and instincts, as does your son. And they have maintained an honest friendship with us. VIVA!

[Sassy]

I am so happy for you LL.  Your son is exactly who he always was all along.   The same boy you loved, the same man you've respected.  He just told you more about himself.  He's one brave man, too.  What that says about you and your relationship speaks volumes.  I have so much respect for both of you.   He wants you to know the real him.   He wants to be closer.  He wants your relationship to be even more authentic and genuine.  Just keep giving him lots of love like always.  I'm proud and happy of you for being supportive and accepting, because as his mom that is truly the greatest gift you can give him.  Imaginary grandchildren can't fill your heart the way your very real, and trusting, beloved son can. Keeping having PRIDE in your son! 

When you're in the mood for an uplifting beat, Lady Gaga's song "Born This Way"  might help you get your PRIDE groove on.  http://youtu.be/0BsLd4Y060Q
(Why, she was just at the White House yesterday to gain support on her brand new Born This Way foundation charity.)

[lancaster lady]

Luise :
Thankyou , you always put things into perspective.

Sassy:

I am a great GAGA fan ! and yes he is a great guy , thankyou too .

[FAFE]

LL, on our last cruise we met a group of 6 gay guys.  Two of them had been married and had children.  They referred to their group as family and they were having a family cruise.  This is kinda complex, but maybe I can make it kinda easy:

Steve and Dan - Married couple
Dan's cousin, Jeffery and his partner David
David's dad, Joe and his partner Bruce

Steve and Joe were the two previously married guys.  Along with having a cousin who is gay, Dan also has a brother who is gay.

They were really an amazing group of people.  Dan and Steve were our favorites and we have been communicating thru email since the cruise.

Seems to me they all had it together and were happy to be who/what every label people want to put on them. 

[luise.volta]

P.S. Sending love...

[Begonia]

LL:  You truly warm my heart and so does your son.  This is a story of acceptance and love and my hat is tipped to both you and your son.  As so many have said, as long as our DD or DS or whomever are happy, then we can be happy for them.  I am so moved by this thread.  We really never know what kinds of things other people struggle with disclosing.  So happy you are able to tell us about this.  We cherish your posts and your good heart!!  A big hug (((   ))) out to you!!

[Gidget]

LL, I have friends that are a gay couple and they have 2 loving little boys so both their moms are grandmothers.  In my case my DIL doesnt want any kids and I sure wont question my son about that, he's the one living with her.  My DD just had a baby which I might never meet.  So you see, doesnt mean a thing that your son is gay as far as GK are concerned.  If he is happy then its the best news to me. 

[Pen]

LL, I'm honored that you would consider us among your closest friends.

Your son sounds like a wonderful man, you must be so proud of him. He obviously loves, trusts, and admires you very much.

[lancaster lady]

Thank you all so much , if I am ok with all this , why do I keep getting so upset ? A lot to take in and adjust to ? Perhaps its thinking I knew my son but didn't ? Well whatever it is , its affecting me more than I thought . I wish he had  the courage to tell me face to face to talk about it more , perhaps that's whats upsetting me .....  you know in his text he said please don't get upset , he.knows me too well. Maybe that's why he couldnt face the tears ...... sorry , thinking out loud here . Yes I know hes the same person but not quite the one I know , does that make sense ?

[sapphire]

You are a parent! It makes perfect sense to me. Cher even said the same thing when Chaz told her that he was gay. 

The point is, it took her some time to adjust, and at the same time she's been very supportive of her, now, son. I commend her honesty about that because while it is ultimately the make up of the child, we are so attached to our children that it is almost a part of us.

[Pooh]

Oh LL.  Psssshhh, you got this!  Remember I have the best friend that is gay.  We were inseparable from 12 - 20 and then she revealed she was gay.  I was hurt, mad, angry and totally upset.  It wasn't because she was gay.  It was because I felt like she had duped me, lied to me and how could you not tell your best friend this when we told everything?  We didn't speak for a long time because I threw her out of my house.  When I finally woke up and called her to talk, she poured out to me how hard it was to tell me.  She didn't want me to be disappointed in her, she was scared of how I would react and didn't want to lose our friendship.  She was so worried about my reaction, that it made it so hard to tell me.  She said she could handle my anger, but she couldn't handle losing me.

So sure you're upset.  Not because he's gay, but because it feels like a betrayal of what you always thought and the thought that he couldn't tell you is hurtful because you know that you would love him no matter what.  Deep down he knows that, be he was scared and it took tons of courage to tell you.  So grieve for your thoughts for a bit, have a good few cries and then think about all the shopping trips to go on with him.  Not for him, for you!  He will be your best advocate on telling the truth on what outfit looks good or bad on you...trust me.  My best friends gay guy friends have the best taste!   

And like the others said, don't count the GKs out just yet.  My best friend's other friends are mostly gay couples.  Both men and women.  One couple of gay guys, got with one couple of women that they had known forever and decided to have a child together.  All 4 of them! One gay guy donated his sperm, one of the females did IV and voila, there are 2 Mommas and 2 Dads.  The are all very involved in this little girls life, she's thriving and happy and has multiple grandparents.  Another couple adopted, another couple did IV with an anonymous donor....all kinds of ways, so he may meet someone special and you never know.

Lots of love LL and you are a wonderful Mother!