A wise woman told me that she got along well w one dil but had trouble loving the other one bc of her not being a very good wife or mother (selfish); and they just didn't "click" as dil/mil. The mil had wanted better for her ds and gc.
She told me that she decided to love her dil bc she is the mother of her gc and wife of her ds and that decision helped her in getting along w the dil (she is religious and looked to scripture for this help.) (They hadn't had any real falling-outs; just hadn't been close or been able to talk.) She just decided to accept her and not criticize her (in her own mind.)
(Later that dil had an affair and left her dh; the mil told me; the mil was over the upset of this by the time I saw her.)
So.... the mil hadn't gotten along w the dil, decided to, and it helped in her own mind. (Again, there was to my knowledge no bad treatment of dil to mil so it was just that the mil didn't like or approve of the dil.)
I try to remember this woman when I feel critical of ILs, criticizing them in my own mind...... I need to accept them (if I can't love them!) bc of the relationship they have w my dh or ds. When I do remember to do this, I find that it's easier to not feel bitter or angry.
(This is not saying a person has to love an abusive IL, just talking about one that's hard to get along with!)
