I am no saint. I relate totally -- it is just how do you plan to stop suffering? Pain hurts alot and you get over it with care; suffering lasts and lasts and that is harder to get over. To hurt is human, to suffer is an ongoing choice. Example, I gave my first GD at her first Christmas, cute, one-of-a kind, boxed baby elephant with "a small blanket attached" that you keep as you get older like Linus --if you know what I mean? The next day, I saw DIL had given the gift to her niece, a 7 year old niece-- I kept my mouth shut as I could not believe it, really? I watched to see what would happen. I mean, really, regifting a baby gift before the baby even knows it was from Nana? Pretty low. Jump ahead several years, I see the second GD now has the same said baby elephant in her crib. I say to DIL on past summer visit, that I gave that to the first GD. DIL had a chance then and there to clean up her mess. She chose not to...why? I don't know. She said No, her niece gave it to her. WHAT??? Crazy-making stuff...I did not let go and said No, I don't think so and I walked away and let it go. Just sticks in your throat - you know? Not the only bad memory I have with DIL -- other incidents of books, stuffed animals etc being attributed from someone else gifting than me, certainly this has taught me well. On my visit this THG time, I wrote in the books we gave GD *From Nana and Papa 2011*. As far as I am concerned, I handled the matter appropriately. As far as your experience of someone throwing away something so special from you (it is the thought after all that counts), and rubbing your nose in it -- to throw it away yourself - despicable! Just despicable! To end my own suffering - now, what I do, I bring my treasures to give to GD only to share on our visit, as I do not want it torn, ripped, *lost* thrown away, mistreated, attributed from someone else, all of that. I take photos of us with them receiving them, enjoying them with us -- then I take the gifts home with me for safe keeping until they are old enough to know better -- and I will bring them out again before then, when and if they visit or when I visit. Photo books work really well -- says more than a thousand words. I had felt so bad about not seeing any photos on FB of our visits, of our family that I made a photo book, of our visit. I included DS side of the family with names, and read them to the GD on this last visit. I asked DS, DIL and other son to read the book to GD. DS and DIL did not get through the book but know it exists. Other son did read with GD -- and he gets it! We showed up as GP to love the GD, we visited and paid our way, we had a good time with GD -- and the photos do not lie. So no, I am not a saint, I am a sinner, working on getting into heaven as well as not living in hell. Sometimes it just seems like hell, doesn't it? Hope there are some ideas here that help. You just can't let it drive you crazy -- which it was making me miserable...I was crying and carrying on with DH. Enough already -- I just had to say, I hope you find a way to feel better too.
