humor

[Pen]

How about a place to laugh? OK, I'll start...

The sign outside a local school said "Sweatheart Dance, Feb 12."   Oh, those hormonal middle-schoolers.

A sign in town says "Meth Church Breakfast, Easter Sunday." I don't think I want to go to that church.

Got anymore?

[luise.volta]

Here's my favorite: "I am in shape. Round is a shape."

[2chickiebaby]

Good one, Luise...

I like this one:

This old, old woman gets a knock at the door.  A man dressed as the grim reaper says: "I am death"

She says, "that's okay, I'll talk real loud"

[cocobars]

That deaf guy has a lisp!!!

[luise.volta]

OK...How about:

"Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician."

[2chickiebaby]

It is a disgustingly bad beautician.........

[cocobars]

PRODUCT WARNINGS
Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products
Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.

[luise.volta]

Love those!!!

Here's a saying for seniors:

"Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone."

[cocobars]

LOL!  That's a very wise saying - I think!!

[cocobars]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a
tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ........"

He sighed................

 "Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."