Narcissistic Personality Disorder

[thesecondwife]

And one more...lol

http://www.medicinenet.com/narcissistic_personality_disorder/article.htm

What Are the Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

In many cases, people with narcissistic personality disorder:

    * Are self-centered and boastful


    * Seek constant attention and admiration


    * Consider themselves better than others


    * Exaggerate their talents and achievements


    * Believe that they are entitled to special treatment


    * Are easily hurt but may not show it


    * Set unrealistic goals


    * May take advantage of others to achieve their goals

Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include the following:

    * Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love


    * Belief that he or she is "special" and unique, and can only be understood by other special people


    * Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants


    * Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others


    * Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her


    * Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat, possibly reacting with rage, shame and humiliation


    * Arrogant behavior and/or attitude

[Julia]

Hi all,
the symotoms of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder are below.  Can a person with this disorder improve, are there treatments for this.  Do any WW know of someone who has improved with tretment and what works.  Do these people even know they have it?  Do they think there behaviour is out of the ordinary?

[barelythere]

Laurie.....I'm dying laughing.  I know them; they walk among us. 

[barelythere]

Yes they are everywhere... I believe the term narcissistic is probably the most over used description of the year...Reviewing the list I can  honestly say that a handful of those symptoms belong to me.  I'll own them.. it's who I am.  This is the trait that I loved: * Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love.  I mean really who doesn't want to be Angelina Jollie   the woman has done it all.

Excuse me?  You mean I'm not Angelina Jolie?   I agree with you to the max, though.  All of these symptoms could fit anyone at some point or you could make them fit if your mind was fixed on that person when you were reading the list of symptoms.  The term is overused and run amok...we have a tiny bit of psychology in our heads and hardly any common sense anymore.  I'd like to know where the normal people went, you know, the ones who didn't take everything personally and just wanted to get along?  There's always some kind of turf war going on in families and interpersonally too.  I can promise you, if my Daughter in law only knew how much I had so wanted to be a part of her family, she wouldn't believe it.

[Pen]

My DF was the center of his, his mother's, and our universe. He was a thrill seeker, so his hobbies were dangerous and he was injured seriously more than once, requiring my tired DM to wait on him hand and foot (not to mention worrying over his safety and survival.) Every weekend was spent on his interests and hobbies and the rest of us had to go along as his entourage. If we didn't enhance his view of himself we were completed rejected. He was not compassionate or interested in anyone else's life, including ours. He was enamored of famous people and was an incorrigible name dropper. He was boastful and had an over-inflated sense of his own importance. He was shocked when he got tickets for breaking the law and frequently ignored posted rules or warnings as he felt they did not pertain to him. He treated people horribly if they were not deemed worthy of his respect/love, including his own wife and children. One day he walked in and announced to my shocked DM that he was leaving us - he'd already set up a household with another woman and her children! From then on he bragged about his stepchildren to us, not even considering how hurtful that might be. After that he went through 3 other relationships, mostly women with children, until he married his last wife who was jealous of us and did not accept us into "her" family.

When I was a child I thought he was a god. As an adult my opinion changed 180 degrees.

I think it's safe to call him a narcissist, and I suspect his last wife was one as well. They deserve each other.

[barelythere]

My DF was the center of his, his mother's, and our universe. He was a thrill seeker, so his hobbies were dangerous and he was injured seriously more than once, requiring my tired DM to wait on him hand and foot (not to mention worrying over his safety and survival.) Every weekend was spent on his interests and hobbies and the rest of us had to go along as his entourage. If we didn't enhance his view of himself we were completed rejected. He was not compassionate or interested in anyone else's life, including ours. He was enamored of famous people and was an incorrigible name dropper. He was boastful and had an over-inflated sense of his own importance. He was shocked when he got tickets for breaking the law and frequently ignored posted rules or warnings as he felt they did not pertain to him. He treated people horribly if they were not deemed worthy of his respect/love, including his own wife and children. One day he walked in and announced to my shocked DM that he was leaving us - he'd already set up a household with another woman and her children! From then on he bragged about his stepchildren to us, not even considering how hurtful that might be. After that he went through 3 other relationships, mostly women with children, until he married his last wife who was jealous of us and did not accept us into "her" family.

When I was a child I thought he was a god. As an adult my opinion changed 180 degrees.

I think it's safe to call him a narcissist, and I suspect his last wife was one as well. They deserve each other.

 :'(

[Pen]

Thanks, LaurieS. Sometimes I think I am, but most of the time I still believe his view of me (not up to his standards, I'm afraid.) The children of N's can really have a rough go. They can sure learn what not to do when it comes to raising their own kids

I agree that we need to be careful when tossing the term "narcissist" around. It's sometimes used to describe people who are just standing up for themselves or who exhibit confidence and self-esteem. Real Ns are a menace because they seem to be charming, delightful and fun-loving but can be socio/psychopathic in dealing with others.

[Sunny1]

I agree with everyone here in saying that the term narcissist is overused.

After dealing with my MIL for the past couple of years, it was not a term I used lightly to call her, but I truly believe she is. I had done so much research on the subject in trying to figure out what is really wrong with my MIL when I stumbled acrossed the term and it's symptoms. I also learned that many of us that are not narcissistic do have some of the symptoms of narcissism, however, this is where knowledge is power. Generally narcissists are so full of themselves that they would look at thet list of traits and wholeheartedly insist that they don't have a single trait on it, when in reality they do. On the other hand, those of us that can look at the list and say, "yep, I have several of those traits" then we are able to concede that we have faults within ourselves. A narcissist willl never admit to imperfection within themselves, they're too conceited to see it. That of course is not a foolproof way to tell if one is a narcissist, but I thought it was a pretty good one when I came across it.

Also, there are stages in life that are "normal" times for one to go thru narcissistic periods that can be part of a growing process. One is in toddler-hood another is as teenagers...don't you remember being a teenager and "knowing it all"?...it's normal for a short time. 

Pen, I'm sorry for what you have had to deal with. I know this has been an incredibly difficult road for my DH to travel down in his eye's being opened to what he was raised with...I feel so helpless, I wish I could do more to help him heal, but there are some things he must do and learn on his own. 

[ivetriedforyears]

There are varrying degrees of narcissism just like any other condition.  Everyone has narcissistic tendencies.  It is the lack of empathy and need to use others with no remorse.  I have studied this topic in great deal as my own mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 
To be breif.......My mother could have had all of her children removed from the home had anyone known what was going on at our home......I was hospitalized for anorexia at 16 and the doctors told my parents that I should live with a relative or freind or have my own apartment.  of course, that did not happen....that would have looked bad!  No one said no to her.  Noone!!! 

Can they help it?  Hmmmm......from what I have learned, it is a condition not insanity (even though it looks that way.)  It does not appear that my mother can control herself.  However, if she knew she would be jailed for her behavior or exposed, she would not choose it.


All I know is that anyone who has been entangled with one of these people, is dazed and confused with a lot of self doubt about what just occured (called gaslighting-a method used to confuse the non-narcissist into possibally beleiving that they are crazy or doubt what they are accusing the N of)and has questions..questions....questions   I have dealt with it for 45 years with lots of counseling and support. 

A counselor told me that it is possiblefor them to develop a self (which is the real problem) but it takes 7 years of REAL therapy.  I say real therapy because they are such skilled liars,twisters of the truth, and manipulators, that often the therapist gets duped. 

While she has done some unspeakable things in her lifetime to me and many others,  I feel sorry for her.  I can get feedback from others and adapt my behavior accordingly.  She can't and consequently, does not have close relationships.  She is married to the town kzillionaire....fine cars clothes, home, etc.  but i would take my life anyday.  her husband is a fine man who was smart enough to get her to sign a prenup before he married her; I love him and glad she has someone to keep her out of my hair.  These people are vampires and they sorta can't help it.  That being said, their action are evil but not malicious.  They just feel entitled to everything and everyone you've got and don't understand why you would be hurt or angry if they steal those things from you.  It is like a little 2 year old.  They don't really understand that others have thoughts and feeling that are separate from their own.  Sounds like arrested development to me!

[Nana]

Ivetriedforyears .

I find your post obout Narcissism very interesting.  It fits my sister's characteristics like a ring to a finger.  But never have I heard about her being narcissist.  Probably she has a some of this personality in her schisoprenia  (spelling ?).  Everything is about her.  Everyone has hurt her, she talks about all the people she meet, and she is such a liar.(and so good, she makes up stories and cries and she sounds so truthful....people who do not know her believe her all.  She makes everyone (specially her daughters) feel guilty.   

I love her but sometimes it is so difficult to separate the fact that she is sick.....to the fact that she is so evil.  I pray for her a lot but cant stand her in my life.  When I try to help her and get close to her, it happens all the time, she makes my life miserable.  I am not prepared to be near her even if I wanted.  She drags me with her and before I know it I am all depressed.  She does not accept any medical help....which I and her grown daughters have offered to pay.   Her daughters (3) are excellent human beings and love and worry about their mom inspite of everything that she has done to them.  See, some daughters dont deserve the mom they have, and some moms dont deserve the daughters they have.  My sister's daughters give her money to live and she goes around telling people that noone helps her out. She tells people that their daughters dont let her see her grandchildren.  (This part is true because she loves them very much, but when she comes around....drama and conflict always arises....and my niece's husband dont want her around making everyone miserable. 

[ivetriedforyears]

nana, I am no expert but that does not sound good.  I am sorry for your pain and your sisters girls.  Sounds like she does have a personality disorder of some type.  Google personality disorders.  Does she seem to believe her lies?  This is what narcissists do. Narcissists are OBSESSED with how things look on the outside and their IMAGE.  if she has a personality disorder,Keep time with sister to a minimum or better yet, Run don't walk away!

[Nana]

Ivetriedforyears:

I dont think that she believes her lies.  In fact I am sure she doesnt.  If you confront her about saying something to other people that is not true, she gets very angry and denies having said it. 
She is so whitty.  Say, she goes to my friends house to visit and then starts saying something about me...and then says....I shouldnt be saying this to you because she is your friend.  My friends tell her "Yes we are very close" so she changes the subject. 

I feel sad because she is my on ly sister.  We were 6 boys and 2 girls in our family.  I get along great with my brothers and are very close.  They have cut my sister off because she means trouble.  We dont know what happened to her.  She was never close to any of us because she was always very conflictive.  But now, we do know she is sick but cant remember how it all started.   Her youngest daughter is doing a lot of research and reading all the books about her condition to be able to deal with her without being affected. 

I do pray a lot for her.   I want her to be well and find her peace. 

Yes Ivetried, I run from her.
I cannot help her even if I try.
Love

Love