grandbabies

[Pen]

These situations are so sad and so unnecessary - children need as much love as they can get. My kids craved attention and love from their grandparents; unfortunately one set didn't care about seeing them and the set that did care lived far away. I can't imagine turning away that special love. At least you can let them know when they're older...it will mean a lot if you can pull out those cards and other mementos.

[luise.volta]

You are surviving, Millie. I'm so proud of how pro-active you have become. We are always here for you.

[millie]

Dear ones,

thank you for your input....it feels so good to go where people understand....after two yrs of this I know my family is probably thinking " move on"  and I can more so than before but then theres a day like yesterday where I kept seeing that picture above my kitchen sink that the neighbor took of my GD plus going through old pictures (ugh)! to put in new frames in the house...good night.....in just did me in....and here I am again! still wrestle with going to her games and just watching...but afraid of opening old wounds, confusing my GD and ticking off my DIL all over again...maybe I will just save these emails for her when shes older....maybe call therapist again....it was horrible yesterday....had DS's cousins aunts over for dinner (thier dad passed away a month ago) and seeing them all together (the cousins just made me miss my son all over again...it was so bad I actually had three glasses of wine (alot for me) daughter and nephews laughed at me alot!  I don't think I was very good at hiding the pain though....it is still the elephant in the room when we get together....his guy cousins are not talking much (YET) hopefully they will sometime soon....someone asked me what my goal was for this year...and I couldn't even speak...just teared up....pathetic huh? gotta get off this "poor pitiful me" gag I'm on right now...and back to getting these picure frames up...then again a walk with the dog sounds better.... Hey, anyone hear from "Prissy" out there? just wondering...she was another smart cookie like Luise and loved her much!

thanks for listening again!

millie

[2chickiebaby]

millie, I want to say that I'm so sorry...so sorry. It breaks my heart for you. I wish there was something I could do to help you.  Please know that you are not alone. So many of us are in the same boat and it hurts so much that it's almost unspeakable. If not for this site, I don't know what we'd do.  Bless you, millie.

[Barbie]

I feel your pain, we were not allowed to see our GD or Ds for 6 mos. We just started to get visitations once in a while. It's so hard to move on but eventually you need to get past it for your own sake. I hope things get better for you. Seeing your GK's is not all that great when you have to jump through hoops in order to do it, but I guess everything has a price...Try to stay strong.

[cremebrulee]

Dear ones,

thank you for your input....it feels so good to go where people understand....after two yrs of this I know my family is probably thinking " move on"  and I can more so than before but then theres a day like yesterday where I kept seeing that picture above my kitchen sink that the neighbor took of my GD plus going through old pictures (ugh)! to put in new frames in the house...good night.....in just did me in....and here I am again! still wrestle with going to her games and just watching...but afraid of opening old wounds, confusing my GD and ticking off my DIL all over again...maybe I will just save these emails for her when shes older....maybe call therapist again....it was horrible yesterday....had DS's cousins aunts over for dinner (thier dad passed away a month ago) and seeing them all together (the cousins just made me miss my son all over again...it was so bad I actually had three glasses of wine (alot for me) daughter and nephews laughed at me alot!  I don't think I was very good at hiding the pain though....it is still the elephant in the room when we get together....his guy cousins are not talking much (YET) hopefully they will sometime soon....someone asked me what my goal was for this year...and I couldn't even speak...just teared up....pathetic huh? gotta get off this "poor pitiful me" gag I'm on right now...and back to getting these picure frames up...then again a walk with the dog sounds better.... Hey, anyone hear from "Prissy" out there? just wondering...she was another smart cookie like Luise and loved her much!

thanks for listening again!

millie

yanno Millie, the key is...those people who tell you to move on, don't understand, and it always seems so coldly said...however, given and I don't wish this on anyone, given they'd be in the same situation, I bet they couldn't hold it together like we have....

I remember when my mom was dying...everyone said, "Well after all, she is 92", and I'd think, but she's still my mom!!!!!!!  She was the greatest woman on this earth...not because she was my foster mom, but because she was so loving, giving and didn't have a mean bone in her body....

so, ignore those cold words...moving on is a work in progress that is very hard to accomplish, and you (you meaning in general not you) backslide a lot...

Millie, sending lots of hugs your way...god bless.

[Hope]

I have not, my grand baby is only 7...however, not seeing her is very painful...and I fear sending anything to her, b/c DIL throws things out that I send, if my son is not around.  She also sent back a birthday card I sent to her for her birthday, with her birthday money...which speaks volumns. 

If I am still fortunate enough to be on this planet, when my Grand daugther grows up and comes looking for me...I don't know what I will say to her...main reason is, I expect her to be just like her mother...her mother will train her to dislike me...as she does....I can hear her now..."We don't like Creme"....and GC will follow suit....

If she does ask me why, I will be honest..and tell her that her mother didn't like me....and did everything she could to estrange me from they're lives...but I will also explain to her that her mother had a very bad childhood and was intimidated by me, by the love her father had for me, and did her best to see to it she was the center of attention at all times....and that meant, keeping me out of they're lives....she is the same way with my son's father, however, not nearly as bad...however, life centers around her, and if she doesn't want to call them, she won't...and my son's father and his stepmother can be very demanding...however, my DIL does use them to stay at they're home when they come up for visits...so, she will most certainly contain herself and not treat them they way she treats me.

I guess, I'll be as brief as possible if my GD asks me questions about this...but answer her questions honestly....without malace or vindictiveness...and  I hope by then, the anger of the hurt, does not show....

If my grand baby lived around here, and she had games and school concerts that I knew about, I'd go...stay off to the side, but go, and leave, without making it  evident that I was there...
except if she  came up to me, then I'd give her a big hug and tell her how good she did and how proud of her I was...

I wouldn't allow anyone else to keep me from her activities...

Creme - I can feel your strong love for your gc.  I just had a thought.  How do you feel about asking your son if he can meet you for lunch on a work day?  If you could both break for lunch together, maybe you could give him whatever it is you want gc to have.  How would you feel about sending it to his work address with "confidential" written largely on envelope?  That may be inappropriate.   Just trying to brainstorm.  What do you think?

[Hope]

Dear ones,

thank you for your input....it feels so good to go where people understand....after two yrs of this I know my family is probably thinking " move on"  and I can more so than before but then theres a day like yesterday where I kept seeing that picture above my kitchen sink that the neighbor took of my GD plus going through old pictures (ugh)! to put in new frames in the house...good night.....in just did me in....and here I am again! still wrestle with going to her games and just watching...but afraid of opening old wounds, confusing my GD and ticking off my DIL all over again...maybe I will just save these emails for her when shes older....maybe call therapist again....it was horrible yesterday....had DS's cousins aunts over for dinner (thier dad passed away a month ago) and seeing them all together (the cousins just made me miss my son all over again...it was so bad I actually had three glasses of wine (alot for me) daughter and nephews laughed at me alot!  I don't think I was very good at hiding the pain though....it is still the elephant in the room when we get together....his guy cousins are not talking much (YET) hopefully they will sometime soon....someone asked me what my goal was for this year...and I couldn't even speak...just teared up....pathetic huh? gotta get off this "poor pitiful me" gag I'm on right now...and back to getting these picure frames up...then again a walk with the dog sounds better.... Hey, anyone hear from "Prissy" out there? just wondering...she was another smart cookie like Luise and loved her much!

thanks for listening again!

millie

Hi, Millie!  So sad to read what you are going through and I'm feeling your pain even though I have never gone through it myself.  I won't be a gm until this summer.  I can't really give advice on the topic, except to say that I don't recommend doing anything that goes against your gut feeling.  There's no easy answer, is there?  I wish you all the best.  Hugs, Hope

[Meryl]

I have a very wise family member. She set one day a week for the grandparents to come and visit her sons. One week one set comes, another week the other set comes. She knows that grandparents who love their grandchildren only increase the love the kids feel and enrich their lives. The whole family gets along and the grandparents have even traveled together, but each set gets their separate time with the kids.

I would like to slap the women that are too dumb to realize that and make it all about themselves, therefore depriving their kids of the love a grandparent can bring.

I am sorry, Millie, that you are hurting.

Meryl

[womenrule123]

Hello ladies! When I was young, my only living GP passed when I was 3 yrs old. Being so young, I have limited memories about him but I do know he was a good man. As I grew older, I witnessed several friend's share a loving, healthy relationship with the gp's. I sooooo wished I had living gp's who'd adore me too. Gp's are essential in a gc's life!! I don't understand why people get jealous and divide family connections (if they are abusive...different story). My in laws have been wonderful to our dd and I couldn't imagine taking that relationship away from each of them. We did have a bumpy beginning after my dd was born but as a family, we dealt with it and moved forward. Nobody is perfect... Yes, times have change! Both parent's are required to work to sustain income to raise a family. Suddenly, a mother is required to be "Supermom" and maintain both a traditional role and modern role. New parents are told what to do, how to do it and what we are "always" doing wrong before we can trust our own parenting intuition. We are taught to trust our doctor and the parenting books and not trust our own mother or mil for parenting advice. Very very sad!! What is happening to our society? When did gp's become the "evils" of the world? Ladies...I'm a very passionate woman regarding family topics!! I do feel for all the gp's who've been shut out of their gc's lives! It's truly not necessary! XOXO

[2chickiebaby]

Dear WmRule,
Thank you for that!!  You are so right about people today trusting their DR.s instead of their own insticts. I want to relay a story
of something a Dr. told me....it was during the "age of take out the Uterus, it's useless after 35".....mine had fallen and when I
asked if it could be repaired.

"oh no!!, said the 2 Dr.'s I visited...you are in much greater danger of having a Down's Syndrome baby after the age
of 35..shouldn't have more kids now"

Goodbye Uterus.  It makes me mad even to this day!  Look at all the women having babies later in life now.

Another thing:  I visited my counselor yesterday.  It was good.  Turns out I need the book Boundaries, big surprise!!

I'm also going to be in a group which I think will be of much benefit.  She runs the group and I think it will be good.

One thing I asked her when she said, "it's all about making yourself happy now"

I asked:  "what are we doing as a society?  We have come to the point of being solely concerned with ourselves, no longer
our brother's keeper, throw our own parents out because of our selfishness, use people, always have a motive, don't really
love; what have we become?"

She sat there stoney faced but agreed things have changed.   Welcome to our new world.  As one old man said that I overheard, "this old world is no place I want to be anymore"

That broke my heart.......it did. 

[Hope]

Chickie -
Good for you!  I'm so happy to know you have visited your counselor and are joining a group and reading Boundaries.  Sounds like all good things.  You are taking positive steps and that gives me "hope".   
Hugs, Hope

[2chickiebaby]

Chickie -
Good for you!  I'm so happy to know you have visited your counselor and are joining a group and reading Boundaries.  Sounds like all good things.  You are taking positive steps and that gives me "hope".   
Hugs, Hope

Thank you Hope!! I guess I'm going to be a Boundaries girl along with everyone else!! Right now, I'm so torn because
the DIL is really mad at me because my husband called our son about not visiting me in the hospital and she's is furious. 
She does not like to be interupted by things like that.  She thinks that my husband made her husband feel guilty.  She doens't do guilt.  She's very cold acting to me.  Hurts me so much. 

I've got to get some boundaries here. 

[Hope]

Chickie,
It makes my heart sing to know how much your husband must love you and want to protect you.  I don't know if the phone call will help your situation, but I'm sure your husband did what he thought was right and maybe that's just what your son needed to hear.  I understand how you are hurt by dil's attitude.  I haven't read Boundaries, but it would probably help me, too.  Have you started it yet?  I'm hoping it will give you strength.  Big Hugs and love, Hope

[2chickiebaby]

No, I haven't received it yet from Amazon....will let you know about it.  It must be the book of the century!