Jay, I don't feel that your ds wants to hurt you since you haven't mentioned any fallings-out with him;
he probably is just going along w ex-gf's FOO bc it's what she wants and from experience, I can tell you that if the FOO has a lot of dinners and traditional get-togethers, the father will naturally fall into that bc that's what he may hear; "your daughter needs to come here with her family." It seems in most cases whoever has the most people at the gathering and/or long-standing tradition of being at that home will see the gc as matter of course.
If you don't have a tradition of family get-togethers, ds may not realize how you long to see gd, holiday or not.
Can you have a short but simple talk w ds, telling him how you long to see gd and how you long to do the crafts and cookie things with her and how she enjoys doing these things with you. Try not to mention how much the other FOO has with her bc he may just defend them and think you are jealous (and that I understand! but that won't help your case.)
As mentioned in other posts, invite gd and ds to your house on a certain date to spend some time with you and dh; perhaps he doesn't feel you want to see him, as well, and that might make him less willing to drop gd off to be with you; I would call bc texting is sometimes easy to be ignored....
You may be seeing ds anyway; but it would be good to have ds and gd both at your house for dinner (perhaps you won't have Christmas Day, etc.; any day he isn't at work, etc.); if ds sees how well you all can get along, he might later be more willing to let gd spend time alone with you....
Do you get along w his ex gf at all? Would she be willing to come along also just to not exclude her; I don't know if she is monopolizing the family time (being w FOO) bc of not getting along with your FOO or not.... but if ds and ex are together w gd a lot, would it be feasible to invite all 3?
I know you still want to give gifts to gd and ds but it is hurtful not to get to spend time w them as well.
