never knew it would hurt this bad

[connieh]

Lets see, adult married daughter, 23 with 3 grandkids, will not have anything to do with me, and wont let me see the grandkids. I came clean after being widiwed for the second time in 2005 that I had a 2 yr period of alcohol and drugs, and then just alcohol, mainly because I felt I was losing my mind, menopause or something. Well it turned out to be breast cancer. My daughter seems to think I deserve this, for past transgressions. I have changed sont do much of anything anymore, and I thought the first steps of coming clean were to be honest about things. Instead she turned it around and said well how do I know you wont do that around my kids? She and I were very close until she moved out at 17 right before my 2 widowing, and I kinda feel apart for a few years. She tells me I am negative and abusive, and all I do is try to apologize and ask if we can fix things. Last night e talked brieflyand someone sent me a message on facebook that said I have been hoping something like this would happen to you and get right with god so you dont end up in hell where you belong. This daughters dad committed suicide before she was a year old. She has blamed me for that as well. None of my kids have ever wanted for anything. I have just recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and she still wont have anything to do with me, just says things like maybe I should have thought about that before all i did. I never even drank alcohol until I was in my 30's. Maybe I deserve this, I dont know. I do know my heart is breaking. Correction my heart is broke. Help? advice?

[seek]

i am brand new here so i am sure there will be others who will step in and give you some wisdom. i would just say take very good care of yourself right now - nurture yourself as much as you possibly can - it seems as if you are in crisis - get some professional help (besides the medical) if you can - just for support - join a women's group (lots of breast cancer groups), get a massage (my answer for anything that ails you), mani/pedi . . . take the focus off your daughter and put it onto yourself.

i have no idea how some people can be so cruel but you can't let others define you. you know who you are. no one deserves to be abused, especially when they are sick!

good luck to you!

[Pen]

Connieh, welcome. Please take a moment to read the Forum Agreement and How This Happened (highlighted in pink on the homepage.) We ask this of all newbies to make sure the site is a good fit.

We aren't qualified to handle issues that require professional intervention, but we can be super-great cheerleaders for those making progress with their various issues. I sincerely hope you can find some local resources of that nature for the intense stuff.

It sounds as if you are going through a time of great uncertainty after a life of pain and challenges. It would make such a difference for you to have the support of your DD, and I hope she can find a way to come around in your time of need, but she's probably having a difficult time sorting everything out. In the meantime, are there support groups as Seek suggested?

[connieh]

Dear Seek and Pen,
Thank you for your responses, I have been seeking professional help, thats how I have managed to get to where i thought I
was somewhat normal, until all this came crashing down on my head/ I visit breast cancer sites and there are a great group of ladies
in town, but its hard to think I probably brought this on myself when a mother of three little ones thats 33 that has never done anything wrong in her life
posts something.Makes me feel even worse. My middle daughter says that my oldest just wants me to acknowledge that they shouldnt have had to deal with my issues while they were younger. they are right,
but every time I try to acknowledge or apologize, she just screams shes not going to be like me. Little does she realize just how much like
me she really is. I was very stuck up in my 20's better than everyone else, didnt do anything wrong, etc etc. Now I wouldnt judge anyone. Not ever.
You see a alcohlic or drug addict or someone who has issues and I wonder what kind of pain are they having to deal with?
This just seemed like a better place to post- the cancer is crazy, but I am trying to deal with the holidays and I have always
made it about family. That they were the most important. And they were- until I fell apart in 2005. thanks for caring
Connie

[luise.volta]

This a place of kindness and I hope you feel it. We are in no way qualified to offer anything else. When you read the two sections mentioned and that are required reading, way get a better sense of the "family" we have created here. We didn't set out to do that and yet, that's kind of what has evolved. Sending love...