Babysitting full time.

[luise.volta]

Good For Yiy! 

[lancaster lady]

she's darned lucky to have you Glenda , and appreciation is long overdue !
I wonder who the father is of ''her'' children !
My DIL didn't let my DS look after ''her'' DD until she was 18 months old !
She somehow persuaded my DS that she alone was the caregiver for my GD !!
I must have gone through more duct tape than our parcel depot ! On my mouth !
Your SIL has the right idea ...I often wonder how we ever brought up our own kids .

[jdtm]

After our grandchild was born, our DIL figured that her mother and I would split the babysitting while she returned to work.  Well, her mother said "no way" and I said that I would be the "backup babysitter" any time the regular childcare person was unable to do the job.  The end of the story - our DIL did not return to work but is a stay-at-home mother.  I still babysit - but not very often.

[pam1]

Good on you, Glenda!

If you want to start out slowly, I'd say tell them that in two weeks you'll only be available two or three days a week.  And then a month after that you'll be moving on from babysitting completely.  It'll give them sometime to find a sitter and be a little more professional   Not like you need it, but at least they can't come back and say you left them hanging. 

[lancaster lady]

I know you love your gc and would hate not to see them , but to be undermined every which way us very belittling for you and to be chastised in front of them , even worse ! Try and have that talk out of earshot of the kids . She knows how much she needs you time for her to show it .

[sesamejane]

I cannot imagine sitting in house day after day with kids!!  I certainly did not do that when I was a stay at home mom those many many years ago!  I considered it important for the children to get fresh air every day -whether playing in the yard, taking a walk, going to the Y, window shopping in town, going to the park, going to friend's houses who had kids for I guess what they call nowadays "playdates."  Oh no, that's not for me. 

I think you are a very nice gm to babysit every day and deserve respect, kindness, and a thoughtful attitude.  I agree with all who also mentioned that they dynamic between dil and you is unfortunate and especially if it is in front of the children. 

My goodness!

[Nana]

Dear Glenda

I agree with Luise...it is not fair..., etc.   Yes it seems as if she is doing you a favor permitting you to babysit her children.  It happened to me when my son/dil had their first baby...I would babysit but had no voice or rights.  Walking on egg shells all the time.  Ok, we cannot change who she is (dil) but you can also make your own decisions of babysitting or not.  Her rights end where yours begin...... I did have to say enough is enough...because I was feeling sick and unappreciated.....long story...but now they have three children, I babysit and am treated as a real grandmother.  I still follow their rules over snacks, bed time and so on....because they are the parents...but I do take them to the store, to the amusement parks (of course always asking my dil/son's permission).   

Remember Glenda....we show people the way we want to be treated.  It worked for me and we are all happy now.  Phew! hope you can confront this situation as soon as possible...Dont let them take you for granted. 

Hope everything works out for you whatever you decide.  Good vibes going your way.

Love

[Glenda]

Hi everyone & thanks for all the words of encouragement. 
Yes Nana, it happens to me as well.  Dil tends to forget that I am a grandmother too, not just the babysitter.  While on mat leave I was thought of as Nana, but once dil went back to work, I suddenly became just the babysitter, a free one at that.
I have decided to wait & see how it goes now.  Still babysitting, & loving the time I'm getting with the gc, but still feeling unappreciated.  One of the things dil said in her anger is, "you never do anything for us", which, of course, prompted me to start listing everything we have done, loaning money whenever needed, loaning vehicles for months, (using our vehicle right now), babysitting for free, buying groceries, etc..., list goes on & on, then dil said I throw it in her face....um no, only when I'm defending myself after being told we do nothing for them.
I really don't like being drawn into discussions with dil, & I try hard to avoid it.  When ds gets home I leave, cause when dil is acting the way she is right now I really don't want to be around her, then when we are not around her, she gets upset & says we are avoiding her.  lol.  It's that darned if you do, darned if you don't scenario.
Sigh, I am at the point now that things don't bother me as much.  I remember a time when I cried for days over things dil has said or done.  Now it tends to run off my back, like water off a duck.  I feel I have gotten a little harder, a little less sympathetic. 
Ds tried to guilt us yesterday cause he has to buy a clunker for a car, & that's his Christmas present, a few years ago we probably would've went out, bought a car, & let them have full use of it.  Our vehicle, the one they are using now, is getting put away for the winter next week, so he has to find something to get to work in.  Dh will be driving him back & forth till they find something.
I don't know what my breaking point will be, but I am so close to not taking this anymore, that it could happen sooner, than later. 

[sesamejane]

Glenda,
It also sounds as if much that is happening with them and much that they say really has nothing to do with you.  It is all their stuff, and their own unhappiness.  Yes, I would let it "run off my back," and do reconsider your role in their life.  Sounds like they are doing a lot of whining and losing a very important part of life: gratitude!!

I wish you were my grandma/mom!   

[Glenda]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies.  You have made me feel so much better.  I know that dil has a lot of issues that she must work through.  She is insecure, worried that her children may love someone else more than her.  In some ways I feel sorry for her, she's always trying to be one better than someone else.  It must be exhausting for her.  If she could only really relax & just enjoy her children when she is with them.  I too have disengaged,... a lot.  Her outbursts used to upset me for weeks, I had sleepless nights, would cry at the drop of a hat, etc., but not anymore. After being the full time babysitter for over 5 years though, it does get a little tiring.  Still hoping for that miracle, when dil will actually show some gratitude towards me for the excellent care her children get.  Lol.