Retirement Boredom

[BellaTerra66]

You changed a word in my post!  LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL  Considering I left out the vowel, why would you think it was a bad word?  LLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

More than likely, your sons will be close in the future.  No doubt.  I worked in Probate Court for years.  When the last parent died, the estranged families would get back together -- and sometimes the close families would fall out with each other.  [And my exBF was 65 before he realized he wanted to be close to his brothers and sisters (right after his mother passed away) -- but at least he did something about it.] Don't let it worry you.  (Of course, I must admit I'm thrilled my kids are doing it now rather than later.)

I guess one of the reasons I 'came back' is because I'm a little sad that I'll never know my granddaughter at all.  [Yesterday -- or the day before -- I got another load of baby pictures -- along with the hate mail.  :-) ]  She's 1400 miles away, and by the time she is old enough to maybe want to see her paternal grandmother, I'll probably be dead and gone.     LOLOLOL  Yes, I am ok -- it's the holidays -- but then I haven't been crazy about the holidays since the kids left home (and then I was free to divorce their father!  There's ALWAYS a good thing -- or more -- along with every bad thing!  LOLOLOLOL). 

Y0u take care.  I've got a bad cold along with bronchitis.  It's also horribly icy here in NM.  I'll probably be housebound for the next few days and lurking on board.     I know this may sound mean (but it's NOT meant to be that way at all -- I feel for these women because I've been there and I well remember -- we were good parents -- how could our kids not love us??) Anyway -- being here reminds me, on a 'down day' like this, of how far I've come and how fortunate I am in so many, many ways.

[Pooh]

Yes I did! Lol.  Since you have been gone, we have revamped the Forum Agreement to include that you can't use symbols or anything to stand for a bad word.  If we can figure it out, it's gone!  When you get a chance you might want to read through it because we have changed several things in it since you've been gone.

I understand.  This Christmas will be two years since I have seen my GD and I miss her terribly.  I keep thinking that maybe...just maybe...her M will have a change of heart but then I remind myself that Luise said something that rang true with her.  She would have to be a different person to do that.  So I'll just keep writing to her, sticking it in her "Loved" box and know that someday, she will come looking if YS doesn't get visitation again before she's 18.

Hope you feel better soon!

[BellaTerra66]

Thanks, Pooh.  I received a shorter version of the forum agreement from Luisa's son just before I left last year.

I'll be good.  I promise.   

And, no, I'm not feeling better at all, thanks.  Going to the doctor today or tomorrow.  Sigh.

[luise.volta]

Hey Bella…nice to see you posting…enjoying retirement…getting over a bad bug. Whatever…nice to see you!  And yes, the Forum Agreement has been modified and expanded over the past year. I guess it grows as we do…and for that reason needs to be reviewed every once in a while.

Getting ready to die is interesting. At 85, it dawned on me the other day that my dog has a longer life expectancy that I do! LOL! A shift in perspective. I find that I am contracting as I expand . In the realm of contracting is limiting my driving because I don't see or hear as well and don't react as quickly and I no longer drive after dark. Expanding is in the inner-Spiritual realm as I move past some of my automatic behavior that has been fear-based and is obsolete…as I approach more authenticity. This is doubled-edged because some of those near and dear would rather I stay the way I was because they are used to it. :-) Expanding also includes getting off-campus where I have been focused on care giving and spreading my wings a bit. I've joined two new groups and am making new friends. Refreshing!

[BellaTerra66]

Luisa, good to hear from you!  And good to hear you're doing well.

"In the realm of contracting is limiting my driving because I don't see or hear as well and don't react as quickly and I no longer drive after dark."  Hey, I'm 'only' 62, and all that applies to me too!  :-)  Although I do drive after dark if I have to.  The nice thing about being part of the 'older set' is that no one else wants to drive after dark either, so most of our activities and parties are during the day.

Funny you should mention 'getting ready to die'.  I belong to another web site group, and we're discussing that very thing right now.  Avidly.  About 12+ of us.  And the big surprise -- besides discussing a topic that is hardly popular (we talk about sex lives far more readily than we talk about dying and death LOL) -- is the difference in perspectives.  There's a big difference from people in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and we even have one lady who is 85 and a young man in his early 20s (who, judging by his posts, obviously knows nothing about aging, dying and death LOL).  It's been going on over a week now and has been very interesting, and there's even been a good amount of genuine humor.  Because, God knows, as we age, we'd better have a good sense of humor or we're in deep, well, you know.  :-)  How about 'deep mud'?   

But I know you know that you've been living on 'borrowed time' for a long time now.  We are so fortunate if we reach 60 in good health.  And we know that much younger people die from illness and accidents everyday.  Age is not the only factor in dying and death -- but it is a far greater sure bet, and it's so nice to be able to prepare.  It's also so nice to not be afraid.

BTW, I wrote where you live and asked them for some information.  I've been 'looking around' for the past year.  Just to get an idea of cost, amenities, weather in other states.  As I watch friends and neighbors having to work until the day they die, I am so profoundly grateful for being in the situation I'm in.  Of course, that could all change in an instant.  [And the global economic situation is the other board's next topic.]

Good thoughts being sent your way and Val's.

Talk to you again.

Fran

[luise.volta]

It's interesting to address taboos. More often than not, we are willing to look under the rocks to see what is there. Talking about death for the last 85 years and seeing my life wind down don't seem to be remotely related. One is intellectual and hypothetical and the other is experiential.

We have other residents on campus who are 100 hundred but they have all lost their spouses. Because of our age difference…our situation is unique. ..and we are lucky enough to still have each other. Every day we walk in our nursing home halls together with our dog. At the end of "B Hall" there is a large window where we can look out at the weather, talk about what time of year it is, admire cloud formations and, in the summer, flowers. The staff calls that spot "The Volta's Make-out Corner" because we always hug each other there, pat each other on the back, nuzzle necks and kiss. To us in some vague and undefined way, this is "Happily Ever After." We made it.

[newhera]

just think of it as more time to have fun & enjoy what life has to offer