Just Annoyed

[FAFE]

phillep, you may have to go with the advice the peditrician gave me when I had my first child.  He said, you will be getting advice from everyone, but YOU do what you think is in the best interest of your child.  YOU would never cause harm to come to him, so you do what feels right to you.  You may have to explain that to your MIL or just mutter under your breath and smile and say thank you!  Then do what you think is right in your situation.  Sorry your post got hijaced by my DD's eye rolling over the Tylenol!  I am now officially your new MIL! 

[pam1]

Glad to see another MIL/DIL pair formed at WWU.  It's becoming quite the little matchmaker here  

Phillek, is it necessary that MIL have any of this info?  I used to just chat away and got the same reactions you speak of and finally I realized....hey!  I don't have to tell her *any* of this.  So, I don't.  Life is calmer that way.

[luise.volta]

P - My take is that you have every "right" to say (over and over again, if need be) that she got to make the choices and decisions in her home and you get to make them in yours. Your home is not an extension of hers. And you are the adults in charge. Then if she continues, you can have a boundary that says, "I'm not going to discuss this." And stick by it. You have a "right" to your integrity and self respect and she is challenging that. Seen a broad sense…it can be a variety of abuse.

[phillek]

FAFE (My new Adoptive MIL) - you make me smile!!!   I'd ask you for your opinion any day! 

Pam - trust me, we try our very best to keep mum on any topic that we know she doesn't "approve" of.  It's mostly just exhausting dodging her questions (avoid, ignore, change the subject, be vague) and it is impossible when she visits because she is witnessing our parenting first hand.  I get so stressed out about it.  I just need to learn how to not let it get to me and keep doing what I know is best. 

Louise- thank you, that is excellent advice and I hope I can be strong enough to follow it!

Just a positive note since you all have been so helpful:  We just had our two year checkup this afternoon and the little guy is doing great!  He hardly cried at all when he got his shots and is meeting or exceeding all his milestones.  We are proud parents

[luise.volta]

Gold Star!! 

[FAFE]

WOW!  So I just figured out I have another grandchild!  Yah!  That's what comes from having such a great new DIL.  How is my SIL gonna like all his new in-laws? 

[FAFE]

Darn, I forget to ask if you gave him some Tylenol before his shots!!!!

[phillek]

FAFE you are too funny!  Thanks for welcoming us all to the fam!!

Seriously, though, I meant to say earlier congrats to you and your DD on the adoption... that must be so special for all of you.

[Pooh]

Good to hear phillek that you and DH are on the same page mostly.  You have to forgive me.  My Ex ignored his MILs antics and left me to deal with it.  That's what I was thinking when I first read how he handles her and I was feeling bad for you for having to do it alone.  No, what your MIL is doing is not advice, it's trying to control.  Huge difference.

[phillek]

Gotcha, Pooh.  Sorry that you had to go through that.  DH definitely ignores her antics for the most part, but I think he has the right idea because the reality is that she has no actual say and we do whatever we think is best, anyway.

Before we were married, he didn't just ignore, he humored her ("Oh, DM, so glad you are finally here to cook for me, I would starve without you!" - totally untrue and he only would say it to make her feel good, not realizing he was throwing me under the bus in the process), and I had to tell him there was no way I was marrying into something like that, and thankfully he stopped a long time ago.

[luise.volta]

Men can be so clueless!

[Doe]

  DH definitely ignores her antics for the most part, but I think he has the right idea because the reality is that she has no actual say and we do whatever we think is best, anyway.

Smart man! 
Colleen01 wrote that she used to feel that she had to talk about issues till they were resolved (hope I got that right, Colleen).  I know what she's talking about - I was in 'fix it' mode for years and felt that people who didn't hammer out issues just weren't able to face them.  Now it's more shrugging, chuckling and changing the subject.  That Serenity poem that Mama had over the sink that I thought was corny makes more and more sense every day.

[herbalescapes]

If you are getting too much unsolicited, unwanted advice, the only response is:

Yes, dear MIL/Mother/Sibling/Etc., you are perfectly right and that advice would be on target if I wanted to raise a healthy, happy, well-adjusted, law-abiding offspring.  But you're forgetting that my deepest desire is to raise an obnoxious, mal-adjusted criminal so that when s/he is arrested for the most heinous of seriel killings, I can write a tell-all book about raising the devil's spawn and be on all the talk shows.  That way, in my old age i'll have fame and fortune rather than be abandoned in a rundown, rat-infested nursing home.


You have to do this with a straight face and deadpan voice.

[phillek]

herbalescapes, LOL, I LOVE IT!!!

[luise.volta]

H- Hilarious! I am practicing it in front of a mirror but I keep cracking up! Sending love...