grandchildren showing signs of rejecting my husband and I

[colleen01]

My heart is heavy this morning.  I had posted elsewhere about my eldest daughters recent flip towards me.  my husband and I were to take the 2 youngest GK (5,4) to see Puss In Boots on Friday eve.  Usually we only deal with my son-in-law who (thank God) believes it's good for his kids to have us in their lives.  Otherwise we really wouldn't have been seeing them for years.  She wants to hurt me and they're her weapons(she's 33) Anyway, it's a long story, but we arrived b4 husband got home and seen my daughter.  She was angry we got there 15 early and a fight insued about my "behavior", signs, eye movements at the hosp 2 weeks earlier for my other gd birth?  anyway, in front of gk on Fri, she's screaming at me she doesn't want me to ever see them and thinks I'm crazy!  It ended my GS didn't want to go, my GD(4) went to the movie, but told us in the car she doesn't ever want to come to our house again!  They were both supposed to sleep over. We've been having a problem with the 5 yr. old GS flipping out for a few min, then calming down and find the rest of the overnight visits!  But never my 4 yr. old GD.  I am sick about this. Something is being done to them per us, the same as my daughters father alienating her from me I guess. THey never say "mommy said ..." about us however so I am just sick about their uncomfortableness with us all of a sudden.  Please some input.

[Pen]

Colleen, I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't have any suggestions, just support.

[jdtm]

Something is being done to them per us, the same as my daughters father alienating her from me I guess.

I so get this - been the recipient of such actions.  There's nothing you can do unless someone else comes to your rescue (and for me, there was no one person who could help).  I just got on with my life - luckily after a couple of years, things are not a harsh as they once were against me, but our son and granddaughter will never be as "close" as they once were.  We continue to struggle.  Maybe when I get to heaven ....

[lancaster lady]

Colleen :

The reason the GK don't want to see you is because every time their Mom sees you , an argument follows .
they think you are the instigators for all the trouble .
If it was my DD I would ask her what the problem was .....
As you deal with your SIL , perhaps he can calm the troubled waters . It's not a good thing to have your GK
see and hear raised voices in anger , no wonder they are confused .
I would wait until you see them again until things calm down , then perhaps your SIL can drop them off
to meet or visit you .

[Kate123]

Colleen, The GC are going to take the lead from their parents when they are young. Even if the parents do not say anything outright, the GC see the interactions and attitudes. I don't know that there is anything you can do about it now. Maybe when they are older, and have minds of their own you can change their thinking. But you will have to be in their life in some way to do that. If you can continue to visit and do things with them even if it seems negative right now I would do that. It may be years before you see a change, but if you are good to to them I think they will come around.

[sesamejane]

I agree with LL.  It sounds like your dd and you get sucked into arguments.  I would *practice* toning it down.  I.E. so you came early - no big deal, but it was a good excuse for her to let off steam.  Let her say her peace, apologize, and tell her you will be more thoughtful in the future now that you know how she feels about it.  Then quiet.  or be a broken record.  It's no biggie and put "the principle" of the thing behind you.  She is looking for a fight, never never never give her one.

so that's my two cents.  I hope this changes for you.  I'm so sorry.  My dil was similar - always looking for something to be upset about.  I learned the very hard way.

Love to you and yours.

[colleen01]

I agree with LL.  It sounds like your dd and you get sucked into arguments.  I would *practice* toning it down.  I.E. so you came early - no big deal, but it was a good excuse for her to let off steam.  Let her say her peace, apologize, and tell her you will be more thoughtful in the future now that you know how she feels about it.  Then quiet.  or be a broken record.  It's no biggie and put "the principle" of the thing behind you.  She is looking for a fight, never never never give her one.

so that's my two cents.  I hope this changes for you.  I'm so sorry.  My dil was similar - always looking for something to be upset about.  I learned the very hard way.

Love to you and yours.