Adult Daughters wants me to take my GC

[crazedmom]

 
:'(ok ya'll i have 6 grown girls all of which have kids except my baby and i adopted her when she was 5 months old she is my bio granddaughter.from my middle daughter which also has 3 other children and 1 on the way, but my problem is with my 2nd daughter and my husband that is not their dad ,she called last week wanting me to take her two kids that are 10 and 9 and keep them because she left her husband about 6 months ago that is not her kids dad but they have been together sents her daughter was 2,because she can't care for them and my husband said no then he said she and the kids can come stay til she gets a job and a place,after we fought about it anyway she says no she is not coming and tells me how sorry i am because i said she had to come with them,now she said im no longer her mom she has changed her cell number and deleted me and other family memebers from facebook and won't talk to her other sisters she said she dont have any family no more ,well was i wrong should i have just let her droped her poor kids and not noing when she was coming back to get them or what was i wrong i am just so heart broken i would have taken them in a min but my husband is the only one working and providing and if it was up to me i would have all my kids and grandkids living here but he says no who is right who is wrong please give advice.sooo sad

[flower48]

hi crazed mom,
Welcome.  Take a deep breath. 
I am one of those people who thinks that there is never ONE person who is at fault.  People always want to point fingers and assign blame so they can feel better.  This usually works if the finger of blame points at someone else. 
Your daughter has chosen to cut herself off so the ball is in her corner when she choses to come back and have family members in her life again if she truly got everyone deleted from facebook and her cellphone. 
It also sounds like there are issues with the husband and that you were left out of some of the drama. 
I know these next months will be rough for you and my heart aches for you.
Here is hoping that things will improve quickly. 
Hugs,
flower

[Pooh]

Welcome crazedmom.  I split off your reply into it's own topic and gave it it's own title, so everyone could find it and answer you.

That's such a tough position to be in.  You want to take care of the GC, but yet I agree with your DH, DD needs to help herself too.  I think the offer of letting her move in until she could get back on her feet, was a great opportunity for her.  Her adament rejecting of it, along with her attitude now of cutting off the entire family, says to me that she didn't want help...she wanted you to do it for her.

I applaud you for being willing to take the GC, as I know that you want what's best for them, but I have a personal philosophy for myself.  I don't mind helping anyone as long as they are helping themselves.  I don't believe in helping someone that refuses to take responsibility for their problems and are actively looking for solutions.  That may sound harsh of me, but too many times have I tried to give or help someone to find out they were not trying to better themselves.  An example that kind of pushed me over the edge:  I had a co-worker with cancer and was upset because she was having trouble paying her doctor bills.  I organized an event to get money for her to pay off her doctor bills.  After it was over, she went and used the money to buy a full back tattoo and was showing it off to all of us.

If I was truly struggling with two kids and someone offered to take us in until I could get back on my feet, I would be grateful.

[pam1]

Welcome crazedmom

I agree with flower and Pooh.  It's great to help someone but it's not help if they are also not helping themself out too, that's doing it all.  You also need to think about you and your needs and the needs of the child you've already taken responsibility for.

Good luck and keep posting here.

[Pen]

Crazedmom, welcome. I modified your post as you can see; to some, all caps are like shouting. I'm sure you feel like yelling, and I understand!

Please take care of your needs first and foremost; remember the flight attendent's instructions to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your child or others. You can't be of service if you're incapacitated.

If you haven't already done so, please read the Forum Agreement and How This Happened under the topic Open Me First on the home page. If someone has already mentioned this to you, I'm sorry to sound like a broken record. We ask this of all new members to make sure the site is a good fit for all.