Author Topic: Worry  (Read 968 times)

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Offline RedRose

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Worry
« on: January 18, 2010, 01:23:13 PM »
I received this email today....I decided to share...

WORRY

Is there an imaginary cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable
for their own actions?
Is there some wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug,
'It's Their life,'
and feel nothing?

 
When I was in my twenties,
I stood in a hospital Corridor
waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches
in my daughter's head and I asked,
'When do you stop worrying?'   
The nurse said,
'When they get out of the accident stage..'   
My Parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little Chair in a classroom
and heard how one of my Children
talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career
making License plates.   
As if to read my mind, a teacher Said,
'Don't worry, they all go through this stage
and then you can sit back,
relax and enjoy them.'
My Parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
for the phone to ring,
the cars to come home,
the front door to open.   
A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves.   
'Don't worry!
In a few years, they'll be Adults.
'They'll be off on their own
they'll be out of your hair'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

By the time I was 50,
I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.   
I was still worrying over my children,
but there was a new wrinkle..   
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their failures,
be tormented by their frustrations and
absorbed in their disappointments..
and there was nothing I could do about it.
My Parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

My friends said that
when my kids got married
I could stop worrying
and lead my own life.   
I wanted to believe that,
but I was haunted by my parent's warm smiles
and their occasional,
'You look pale. Are you all right' ? 
'Call me the minute you get home'.   
Are you depressed about something?'

 
My friends said that
when I became a Grandparent
that I would get to enjoy
the happy little voices yelling
Grandma! Papa!
but now I find that I worry
just as much about the little kids
as the big ones.
How can anyone cope
with all this Worry?

 
Can it be that parents are sentenced
to a Lifetime of worry?   
Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch
to blaze the trail of human frailties
and the fears of the unknown?   
Is concern a curse or is it
a virtue that elevates us
to the highest form of earthly creation?

 
Recently, one of my own children
became quite irritable saying to me,
'Where were you?   
I've been calling for 3 days,
and no one answered
I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile. 
The torch has been passed.
RedRose

2chickiebaby

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Re: Worry
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2010, 01:38:26 PM »
That's beautiful, Rose.....the minute you get them in your arms, your days of carefree living are over.  You never come back.  Hardly a second passes that they don't cross your mind. :'( 

Offline RedRose

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Re: Worry
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2010, 01:51:55 PM »
I am always thinking about my children.

And also...my mother...for the past few years.

RedRose

2chickiebaby

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Re: Worry
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2010, 02:05:53 PM »
Me too, all the time.  I wish I had my Mother to worry about!!  I sure need her now.

Offline RedRose

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Re: Worry
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2010, 02:09:36 PM »
Me too chickie, I do miss my mother.
RedRose

Offline Pen

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Re: Worry
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2010, 03:03:39 PM »
Do you think having our moms gone makes our MIL issues more painful? During all of this I feel like Chickie has said she feels - not knowing where I belong, having no family, etc. etc. My dad had already moved on to a new wife and her family when my mom passed years ago. DH's dad moved on when his wife passed, and new wife isn't interested in any of us (she has adult children & GKs; we've never even met her.) Since then I've had no one but DH and our kids. It's like I have no history as a child (those years are not to be discussed around stepmom) and now no history as a mom (can't acknowledge those years around DIL, and certainly can't continue motherhood now; DIL's family has stepped into that role.)

I'm grateful for a loving DH, so he is my focus now. Unfortunately, like the poem says, I can't just turn off parental feelings (although apparently my dad could transfer them to stepkids with no problem! How can some people do that?)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

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Re: Worry
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2010, 03:08:31 PM »
Yes, I think that plays into how we feel.  I really do...nowhere to fit in.  I've said that over and over.  It would mean more than life to me if I thought I did fit in some place.

I had 4 step-mothers....awful!  Awful!!  Just grateful for my Grandparents but they are gone so yes, I think it's a lot of what we're feeling.


Offline Pen

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Re: Worry
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2010, 03:12:29 PM »
Hugs to you and to your inner child, Chickie. Sometimes we just need to nuture them.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline RedRose

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Re: Worry
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2010, 05:20:02 AM »
I just lost my mother this past year.
I do think that fact that she is gone makes my MIL issues more painful.
I use to talk to her about my dil all the time. She was almost always on my side and always understood me.
I miss her wise advice.

RedRose

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Worry
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2010, 03:56:04 PM »
That was great!t! My son, age 54, worries about my health, my marriage, my finances, my socializing, my driving...and probably a lot more. I get good advice and he's getting gray hair. I love it! :-)

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cremebrulee

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Re: Worry
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2010, 08:34:53 AM »
absolutely loved this, especially the ending...thank you for writing and sharing....
Love
Creme

cocobars

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Re: Worry
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2010, 01:48:53 PM »
Worry...

Creme are you ok?

cremebrulee

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Re: Worry
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2010, 09:51:17 AM »
Do you think having our moms gone makes our MIL issues more painful? During all of this I feel like Chickie has said she feels - not knowing where I belong, having no family, etc. etc. My dad had already moved on to a new wife and her family when my mom passed years ago. DH's dad moved on when his wife passed, and new wife isn't interested in any of us (she has adult children & GKs; we've never even met her.) Since then I've had no one but DH and our kids. It's like I have no history as a child (those years are not to be discussed around stepmom) and now no history as a mom (can't acknowledge those years around DIL, and certainly can't continue motherhood now; DIL's family has stepped into that role.)

I'm grateful for a loving DH, so he is my focus now. Unfortunately, like the poem says, I can't just turn off parental feelings (although apparently my dad could transfer them to stepkids with no problem! How can some people do that?)

No, basically I think it's due to our DIL's being so afraid....

someone once told me and it's so true...the real heartbreaking worry starts when your children leave home....it is by they're choices...and there is nothing more we can do....

I miss my mom, terrible, but know, in my heart, if my DIL were like some of my son's friends who come to visit, or like my girlfriend's DIL's, we'd all be fine...one person can ruin the lives of many...like the rotten apple that spoiled the entire apple cart....

however, I don't blame my son entirely as he was smitten with her beauty and felt sorry for her...not a reason to marry, however, she is not the same girl he dated....she set her hooks out for someone whom she could manipulate into believing she was helpless and victimized...

cremebrulee

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Re: Worry
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2010, 09:51:49 AM »
Worry...

Creme are you ok?

yes, thank you, why?

cocobars

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Re: Worry
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2010, 10:45:32 AM »
Worry...

Creme are you ok?

yes, thank you, why?
Creme, this was written a couple of weeks ago when we were worried about you (before you told us you wouldn't be doing weekends here anymore).  I'm sorry if it upset you, but I can assure you that we all love having you here and your posts are thought out, compassionate and very clear!  You are someone I look for when I come in here on Monday, and regret seeing sign-off on Friday!

I'm sorry if you weren't sure.  I hope you understand that I stuck this in here when I was worried! :-\

I love you Creme!  Feel that!  It's me giving you a very big hug!