Son & girlfriend are scammers

[Jan V]

I may sound like a broken record but I need some ‘Mother’ advice from you girls. I have a son age 29 who lives 1200 miles away. He was undergoing chemo at the time and since I am retired I figured it would be good for me to be close. He said he found a house to rent that would be good for us both to stay in. Rent was fairly descent so no problem. But then his 21 year-old girlfriend moved in too. Neither of them made any contribution to anything and I was continuously paying all the bills. Mind you they both were full time employed. So I sat down and asked them to pay the small utility bills, buy their own food (they mostly ate out), and contribute 100 toward the rent. They agreed and 2 weeks later moved out. Sent me a text message to my phone stating it was to financially hard for them. They make more money than my retirement pay. So last week son came to me happier than a lark. Told me he got this great new job making more money. Great, but then he needed 3000 dollars because he was going to be working as a contractor and needed some items (tools, ladders, and a rack for the truck and some other things) I was reluctant but felt sorry. You know, the old I will pay you back. So I made out a contract and am holding the title for his vehicle until this debt is paid. Well here it is, tonight I came down ill and asked him to take me to the ER. I felt dizzy and did not feel safe to drive. The ER is about 20 minutes drive. He texts me back and said he couldn’t do it because he was tired and had to go to work in 9 hours time. Nice! Now my emotional side has kicked in and I’m ready to tell him to stop using me and stay the heck out of my life. I feel he and his girlfriend scammed me to come out here. (Moving is not cheap) on the pretense that I would pay for everything and their money go to fun. Bull….. It is not going to happen. Am I being unreasonable??? Is this my irrational/emotional side taking over??? Mom’s let me know your feedback because I am feeling like pond scum. J.

[luise.volta]

Dear J. Welcome. What a difficult situation. I know a lot of young adults are still "children" in many ways. When I was a full-time RVer, I would sit around the campfire with people who would talk about the money they had lost "loaning" it to their grown kids. I'm talking really big bucks, sometimes!

That never happened to me. I always set up a repayment schedule and made it clear that we could possibly renegotiate if absolutely necessary but any default would make it their last loan. Neither son ever defaulted although we have had to lower payments and lengthen repayment twice over the last 40 years. (Not a bad record.)

It seems pretty drastic to close the door over this, even if they are scammers.
Maybe if you close the door on further loans that will end the relationship but I sure hope not. You have yourself covered on the present loan, right?

Could you let them know that it's also the "last" loan because it seems to cause difficulties between you?

[Prissy]

Jan,
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are in this predicament. Oh my goodness, you moved Heaven and Earth to help and here you are.

I hope so much this can be worked out but Jan, you are not unreasonable!  You have really been treated terribly.  You are not Pond Scum!  You are just a Mother trying to help in any way you can. 

Keep strong and know what's going on now so you won't be blindsided again.   I'm sure thinking about you.