Thanksgiving

[Scoop]

Well folks, I guess I'm not done "trying".  Maybe I'll never learn?  Also, I need to learn never to say never, it always comes back to bite me.

This year, it was supposed to be my Mom's turn for Thanksgiving, because it's the IL's turn for Christmas.  However, she's going to be away for Thanksgiving.  I was GOING to plan a nice little weekend for the 3 of us at my Mom's cottage, but I offered for DH to invite his family (MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL & the DN's) to come to the cottage for the weekend (for the record, Thanksgiving is in early October in Canada).  I did add the condition that we would ask SIL first and if she couldn't come, we were not inviting the PIL's. 

So SIL said they would come!  YAHOO!  DD is SO happy to see her cousins.  Now, I'm just waiting for DH to invite the IL's.

But, just LOOK at how much time I have to PLAN!  I'm so excited.

Do you think it would be okay for me to "assign" a meal each to SIL and to MIL, IF they ask if they can bring anything?

[pam1]

That's awesome, Scoop.

I think it's ok to assign a meal if they ask and if they don't have to bring too much stuff. 

[Begonia]

Is it possible to have a shorter time than a whole weekend?  Seems as if that is putting a lot on you to coordinate all that for so many days.

I have not read about your background with the family, but there must be some conflicts there or someone who upsets the apple cart???   

I have done similar gatherings where I thought we had coordinated meals, etc.  Then, lo and behold, when my DS and DD and families show up they have said, "What should we get for ______?  We thought we would just  go pick something up."  Since it's already morning and it takes half hour to "go pick something up" for breakfast, etc....I have said "oh we'll manage, I have so much stuff here."   

Did you guess that even though people said they were bringing this and that, I didn't trust that so I had bought everything imaginable anyway.   

It sounds great to me in theory to ask for each family to bring a meal, but will you override that when you buy groceries "just in case" someone doesn't follow through, or is unable to come? 

I keep thinking of your comment that Now, I'm just waiting for DH to invite the IL's.  What is his take on things? 

The best holidays for me are the ones where we meet at a restaurant....

Just an aside that I thought was interesting.  The stats on this site, if I'm reading them right,  say the most visits to this forum have been on Christmas Day, 2010...now, wouldn't you think that would have the least amount of visits???  In our dreams holidays would be these "Leave it to Beaver" kind of deals, but those stats speak to the fact that along with celebrating or not celebrating....lots of people are on this site for support or to see if they're alone in their frustration. 

[Scoop]

It will actually be quite a drive for them, I just google-mapped (what?  It's a verb!) the directions and it will be a good 5.5 hrs drive.  It would be faster (but further) for them to come to our home.  We're only 1.5 hrs drive from the cottage.

I'm hoping they'll come early-ish on the Saturday and leave in the am on the Monday.  I think that's an "okay" weekend.  Actually, I hope that SIL & her gang come on the Friday night, but that's a long haul after work. 

See, when my cousins come to visit my Mom, they coordinate and are each "in charge" of a meal and that works out for all of us.  That's what gave me the idea for telling MIL & SIL to bring a meal IF they offer to bring something.

As for DH, I don't know.  When I offered to invite them for Thanksgiving, he liked the idea.  And he doesn't think the cottage will be too rustic for MIL.  But he's pretty tight-lipped, not a talker at all.  I don't think he liked the idea of asking SIL before asking MIL, but he can go suck on a lemon for that.  I know that's his history of MIL being the family gate-keeper talking.

He didn't jump to call them yesterday when I gave him the green light, so I don't know.

[pam1]

Scoop, are you thinking of having the food at the cottage and then they came prep.  Or thinking of them buying food to bring with them?  Is there a grocery store nearby?

Just from my experience with my ILs cottage and the logistics of getting there and where the grocery store is....it's a pain, a huge one.  I don't mind making a meal and would pay them back for
the groceries.  It would've been nice if they just picked up the food while they are already at the grocery store.  But to be fair, my in laws are generally there for weeks or more, they aren't driving
in for the just weekend.

[Begonia]

Scoop:  I keep going back to DH, as I know from my past experience, that DH mood can make or break holiday fun for me (when I was married).  Also, he has his mom in the role of gatekeeper and if those roles are changing that may put him in a tight spot...alliances to mom, wife, etc.  Looking in from here, not knowing your past history, it seems you might be a bit uneasy with things as you say "I don't know"  a couple of times in regard to DH.

And it sounds like there might not be an easy alternative once everyone gets there to the cottage.  I always look for alternatives....."Oh come on, let's go for KFC...etc." 

Just thinking about the holidays gives me a queasy feeling...I think I will book my cruise now...

[Pen]

Scoop, good on you for considering your ILs. I hope it works out for all involved. Your plan for meals sounds reasonable if the logistics aren't too burdensome. There's no reason why the meal preparation should all be on you.

The holidays, and the days leading up to them, are extremely "hot" here! The expectations, disappointments, abandonment issues, gift-giving drama, etc. get out of hand. I start feeling it around the first of October since Thanksgiving in the US is in the latter part of November and it's then just a skip to Christmas & New Year's. Buckle up, WW!

Nothing like the holidays to smack me in the face year after year with the reality of DIL's FOO being DS's shiny new family. Our simple little doings look pretty pathetic next to theirs, lol! If we could get away we would...can't leave DDD behind on the holidays, though.

[Sassy]

Your MIL may welcome the opportunity to bring something she cooked so she has something to eat. 

[Belle]

Scoop - I really admire your willingness to try, try, try again.  Maybe having the rest of DH's family there will offset/buffer your MIL.  I hope she doesn't decide to show her fanny!

[Pooh]

Good for you Scoop and I admire your courage to try again!  I think the meal thing is a great idea.  I do want to ask something.  What's this going to do for Christmas?  Are you going to try to see your Mom now on Christmas or continue with the IL plans?  Not to be the pessimist here, but you know it's probably going to come up. 

[Begonia]

The holidays, and the days leading up to them, are extremely "hot" here! The expectations, disappointments, abandonment issues, gift-giving drama, etc. get out of hand. I start feeling it around the first of October since Thanksgiving in the US is in the latter part of November and it's then just a skip to Christmas & New Year's. Buckle up, WW!

Pen:  your post gave me a smile with the buckle up part....we could look at the holidays as an adventure instead of a nightmare (speaking for me).  One year I spent Christmas in a tent in Florida..it was 32 degrees and seriously that was preferred over all the things you list that happen.  I do love Thanksgiving though--just one day!!  And I keep trying too, year after year but have no IL to deal with. 

[Pooh]

You know me!  Love me some Christmas!  I would keep my tree up year round if I had room! Lol.

[Scoop]

See?  That's why I said never say never.  After last year's debacle, where MIL expected BOTH Thanksgiving and Christmas, I said that I would NEVER, EVER give them both occasions.  Well look at me now, Christmas will be at the IL's, but *I* am hosting Thanksgiving (with them).  I also said that I would NEVER invite them to my Mom's cottage.  Look at me now!

Yes, I would expect them to bring the "groceries" for their meal (except for s+p, butter, ect).  So bread, eggs & bacon (or whatever) for a breakfast, a crockpot of meatballs (or whatever) for a supper.  But that's why I'm asking, because it's the "done" thing with my FOO.  Each "family" is responsible for one meal, one cousin brought pulled pork, with a salad and buns, my aunt brought a pasta casserole with garlic bread, another cousin brought steak & baked potatoes.  It's not even a question of the cost, it's a matter of spreading out the planning.  And since people usually offer to bring SOMETHING, it's nice to have an idea ready for what they can bring.

So if the IL's don't offer to bring anything, it won't bother me.  I'm sure there will be more than enough food, and we won't have to live on cat food for the next month or anything either.  I'm also planning for my turkey on the Saturday, so we'll have leftovers, and I'll make some SOUP!

[pam1]

Scoop, maybe ask DH what would be best for his FOO and how they normally do this kind of stuff?  It'll give you an idea if you are asked. 

In my FOO, generally whoever hosts is responsible for all planning including meal planning.  It works b/c we all take turns hosting.  And people help out when they get there but the planning and logistics is left
entirely to the host.  And usually whoever cooks doesn't do dishes etc.

Although, the polite thing would be for MIL and company to just go with your style of hosting, I've just found personally that whatever makes it easier for everyone to get along...well, that's
what I want to do lol.

 

[tryingmybest]

Oh no is it this time of year again? I know I'm not the only MIL that dreads this. I know both DS are dreading having to deal with the "where do we go" drama and I know neither will be here, so why even mention it? We are family # 2 for not one but two sons. I'd like to just skip the whole thing.