i am new to this site and have really been suffering loneliness, sadness, confusion, anger when it comes to my family. Briefly, my corrupt mother showed real dementia in 06 after a medical emergency and telephoned me to take care of her. I did while she was in the hospital in spite of my working fulll time and working on a dissertation proposal.
She had $$, and when she was convalescing in a nursing home, my eldest child (son) and his wife, fundamentalist christians, showed up from out of state and attempted to take her out of the facility to cash in a $100K CD. (my son and I were very close until he was about 24, and I started noticing conniving and manipulating behavior. Then he married, and his wife does not like me because I am not very "put together" I guess. I don't wear much make up and I don't dye my hair. Otherwise I think I look okay, nice clean fairly new clothes, good quality, etc.) The nursing home was telephoned by the bank, they called me, and I filed an order of guardianship for her. My son filed against me. I was stunned all the way around.
My mother had colluded with him to "take over her properties" to replace my eldest brother. I won the case because the psychiatric examination showed she was demented. My son and my mother, however, disappeared for two years - moved out of the state. My siblings and I did not know where she was. She had been very cruel (physically emotionally) throughout my life, and I was basically trying to help her during a time of illness - nothinng more. My siblings blamed me for my son's behavior. When I confronted my son via email in a very civilized way, his wife wrote back for me not to contact him, her, and to stay away from my two grandchildren. I was crushed, hurt, devastated by all of it.
Two years later, mother begain calling me because she was having black outs and my son and DiL had left the state after picking her dry - taking all her possessions and investing her money with their name on it. but they left her in another state all alone! I tried to help her, but she connived again behind my back with my eldest brother who changed her will and the monies, putting them in his name -his new wife is a paralegal (sixth marriage and probably 11th "serious" relationship). Anyway, mother finally died in 09, and meanwhile I initiated no contact with all of them because my mental and physical health was suffering from all the sorrow, betrayal, and insanity.
I have not heard from my son since 06. I have two other daughters. My youngest daughter, who I was very close to all her ife until she went to college, now lives 3000 miles away. It is clear that she does not like talking to me on the phone and visits very infrequently. Recently, after a year and a half she came to visit, and spent the entire time texting!!! She is 28 years old, not a child. She calls maybe once every three months. My heart is breaking.
My eldest daughter, who was very difficiult to raise, insinuates that I was a terrible mother one minute and then tells me that I am the kindest person she has ever met....I am confused. She called me tonight to tell me that she has emailed her brother for the first time in five years and he replied. She told me I should not have contact with him until I "get over everything." She "lectured' me and threatened that she would not come to visit me anymore if I don't "let go"
I responded that I have learned not to seek situations that are harmful to me, that hurt me. I told her I will not wilingly walk into an abusive situation again. I am so confused about her attitude. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive. She was married five times, and each man came after me when I was younger and into my twenties. In fact, her last husband who died in early 2001 also grabbed me one night, and I had to fight him off - I was 49 at the time!!! Not some young girl! Mother ignored it all. My mother put me with another family for the first six years of my life, and one of her husband's molested me when I was young, and she did nothing! She smacked me around frequently; I seemed monthly to have a bruise or bloody lip or nose.
I did initiate no contact with her when I was about 32 until I was 40, but then moved within a couple of hundred miles of her when I went back to school. Big mistake...but water under the bridge now. But I really don't understand my children. What did I do??? I kept away from my mother because she was a sociopath. But my kids seem to have no respect for me, ignore me, and it hurts so so much. Tonight I just sat and listened to my daughter lecture me and telling me my other daughter feels the same way. I simply commented that I was somewhat stunned that she and my other daughter are so judgmental of me, and that I do the best I can. Otherwise, I figured the wisest thing to do was just let her have her say and get off the phone.
I don't understand any of it. I can remember thinking when I was younger that all I wanted was a fmaily of my own, to be a mother. I loved raising them until they seemed to stop liking me. I keep telling myself they love me, but I just dont' know what to think. So I am trying to just get on with my life though feel so lonely without them. I miss them so - but the way they were, not these griping mean people. I don't understand how other mothers seem to have such good, loving relationships with their children. What did I do wrong?
