My Grandma and the Compliment

[luise.volta]

I love "What you think of me is none of my business!" 

[overwhelmed123]

This is the same as "Hey!  Wow, your hair looks good today!"  I can either choose to just accept the compliment and beam because I'm having a good hair day, or choose to take it badly with the thoughts of  ***Wow, are you saying my hair looked bad yesterday?***

I have done that to people with total intention of complimenting them.  "You look great!  Have you lost weight?"  when it's obvious to me that they have.  If they choose to take that as a bad thing, I can't help it.  It is done with the best intentions and meant as a compliment.  I refuse to not give someone a compliment, simply because I am afraid I will offend them.  Now, someone with a history of not excepting compliments well, I would stop complimenting them.

I think we forget many times that we choose how we except what people say.  I chose to think I am having a good hair day and someone noticed.  Gives me much more smiles that way.

It's funny, Pooh, just the other weekend I saw my aunt (hadn't seen her in awhile) and thought she looked like she had lost weight and I thought she looked good.  Then I had to sit there and debate whether or not me telling her she looked like she had lost weight would offend her.  I finally said phooey on that, and told her it looked like she had lost weight and I thought she looked great.  Why shy away from giving a compliment because you're scared the receiver is going to misinterpret?  Just give the compliment because you're a person who likes to compliment people!  It was funny though, because I thought, gosh, why am I debating this in my head?  That's silly.

[overwhelmed123]

As a caveat, I will say I was told once that I looked great...and then it was tacked on that I was looking a little too thin before, but now I look great.  I did take offense.  But I don't see what sane person would not know that telling a woman she looks like she has gained weight is rude...ANYWAY.  I thought I should admit I have taken offense, but I don't think it was meant to be a true genuine compliment from the giver anyway. 

[Donna]

Sassy, you have so much to be proud of, and you have worked hard for your goal and towards your goal.  Kuddos to you.  I agree with most, just change the subject.  Better still is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, it's all about you, so put on the ignore button and let no one rain on your parade.  People often are trying hard to say nice things, but it comes out wrong, sometimes really wrong, so don't get offended, just remember they are all people and struggling for acceptance at some level, so they look for common ground, memories, and forget to be mindful. 

Holly; I just giggled with your story, I am still giggling, for the wonders of wine, but more so for the wonders of wise 80 year old woman, who truly knows the art of war, and when babe was being handed back for the diaper change, that 80 year old wise woman slayed dragons.  I feel in a way bad for your MIL as she was obviously in her glory until that moment in time, when she slunk into another room.  You best bet she won't be laying claim to your fame in the future.  One of the best stories, I've ever heard, geez, I'd love to have coffee with that 80 year old. 

All the best ladies....hugs to all....donna

[lancaster lady]

Sassy......wish it was me who had lost 40 lbs ! That's a lot of hard work ,and I would bask in the glory ..  .don't you think she's saying it in a congratulated way ? .......why not whisper to her you are a bit self conscious  about it ,and can we please drop the subject ?  ......you're gonna be a stunning matron of honour.My DD is also doing her bit for her GD in July .....she's been hitting the gym 3 times a week....she loves the comments she's been getting ..

[lancaster lady]

Should read doing her bit for her GF !......need to get bigger buttons on this phone !